


Angel

by TheSongSmith



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Mating, Destiel Forever, Does Gabriel know the meaning of 'helping'?, I made two O/Cs. Maybe three. Aren't you proud?, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, Sexy Times, Soul Bond, You know I'm a sucker for hurt Cas, baby angel, evil angel, love and other emotions, what's up with Sam and Gabriel anyway?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-03
Updated: 2014-10-04
Packaged: 2018-02-19 17:14:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2396336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSongSmith/pseuds/TheSongSmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas gets in over his head, showing up unannounced in the boys' living room. Will they be able to fix him, or is he destined for human life? And where did all these *feelings* come from?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: If you've seen this story on FF, it's mine. I didn't steal it, I promise. Just so you know. Last time I did this someone tried to report me for plagiarism. So let's not have a repeat performance. Now that we've cleared that up...
> 
> I'm not entirely sure where in the storyline this is placed, it's bits and pieces from here and there, but I hope you enjoy it!

**SamPOV**

 

Sitting beside Dean in the bunker, we search for new cases. Well, I’m searching for new cases. Dean has been zoned out for the better part of an hour. “Hey, here’s something,” I remark. “Stillwater, Minnesota. Three girls claim they saw patrons at a bakery fly around the room before impaling themselves on the baking equipment. Sounds suspicious to me. What do you think?” The only response is a noncommittal grunt. “Oh, look at this one,” I tease him. “Aliens land on earth; break their friends out of Area 51.”

“Yeah…sounds great, Sammy,” he mumbles absently.

I roll my eyes. “Hey look, it’s Castiel!”

Dean jumps, looking around bewildered for a minute as I laugh. “Goddammit. That’s not funny Sam!”

“I don’t know, it was pretty funny from over here,” I chuckle. “Come on man, this is getting pathetic. I know you miss your boyfriend or whatever, but you’re pining after him like a lost puppy. I thought that was his job.”

Dean lets a growl slip through his teeth. “Will you shut up with the ‘boyfriend’ thing? You know it’s not like that. I’m just…worried about him. He’s our friend, and he hasn’t been answering our calls for days. That isn’t usually a sign of anything good, Sam.”

I shrug. It’s not the first time our favorite angel has pulled a disappearing act. “He probably just lost his phone again, Dean,” I assure him. “I’m sure Castiel is just fine, wherever he is. But if you’re so worried, why don’t you just pray to him? He always comes when you call.”

“Don’t you think I…?” Dean starts before the venom leave his voice. “I tried,” he mutters, defeated. “Two days ago. Nothing.”

I hesitate. That’s highly unusual for Castiel. Whatever goes on between them, Cas always answers Dean’s prayers if he can. I realize that Dean could be onto something. “Well…maybe he just…didn’t hear you. I don’t know. I’m sure he’s okay. He’s always okay.”

Dean shakes his head. “I don’t know, Sammy. Something doesn’t feel right this time. The hair on the back of my neck has been standing up for days. I just…I think something happened to him.”

All of his usual bravado leaves Dean’s voice with this last sentence, and I sigh. “Well…if it means that much to you, we’ll go look for him. Get packing.” Dean nods gratefully, beginning to throw his belongings into a bag. Suddenly, there’s a soft knock on the door. I open it slowly, shocked at what I see. A pale, bloodied Cas stands on the other side, leaning against the doorframe to keep himself upright. “Hello, Sam,” he murmurs. Dean turns at the familiar voice, gasping when he sees his friend. The angel lurches into the room, steadying himself against the furniture. “You…called?” he says.

Dean hesitates for a moment before slowly approaching him. “Jesus Christ Cas, what happened to you?”

Slowly, the familiar blue eyes meet mine, and there’s something in them I’ve never seen there before. I realize that our stoic friend is terrified. “Nothing,” Castiel answers quickly, looking away. “I’m fine.”

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah, you look really fine.”

The angel searches his face curiously for a moment. “Was that…sarcasm?”

“No,” Dean scoffs, “I think you look healthy enough to enter the Iron Man competition.”

“Then perhaps maybe you need to have your eyes examined.” As usual, there was no humor in his voice.

“No, I…I didn’t…that…” Dean sighs. “Yes, it was sarcasm. You look awful. Are you going to tell us what happened or not?”

Castiel looks down, suddenly interested in the carpet. “I only came to answer your call,” he murmurs softly. “If you are no longer in need of me, I will go.”

“Goddammit Cas, if you don’t tell us what the hell is going on right now…” Dean starts angrily. I cut him off before he can scare the poor guy away.

“I think what Dean is trying to say,” I say gently, keeping my voice low and calm, “is that we want to help, but we can’t do that if you won’t talk to us.”

Cas hesitates, his resolve slowly breaking down. “I just…got into a bit of an altercation. That’s why it took me so long to answer your prayer. I was too weak to ‘poof’ as you call it, and without the ability to fly, it took longer than I anticipated. I apologize.”

“What do you…?” Dean starts, then stops when I nudge him. He takes a breath, his tone softening. “What do you mean ‘without the ability to fly’? Why can’t you fly, Cas?”

Dean looks over at me, and I know that the angel’s evasiveness is starting to worry him as much as it worries me. Castiel looks up at him for a moment, debating, before sighing softly. “It was a group of demons,” he murmurs. “I had been looking for them, but…they found me instead. There was an…incident, and as a result, my wings seem to be…broken.”

He grows paler and more defeated as we absorb this. What does ‘broken’ mean when the subject is an angel’s wings? “But they should be healing, shouldn’t they?” I ask.

Castiel nods, taking a step and stumbling again. Dean catches him before he hits the ground. He sets the angel down on the couch gently. “Normally, I would heal myself,” he explains. “But the wings are a manifestation of my Grace. They, and it, are too damaged to repair on my own. I…” he hesitates, and his next words sound like a child’s. “I think I need help.”

I nod, moving to clap his shoulder comfortingly, but he flinches away from me. “Okay,” I murmur, using the same calm tone I’d use with a frightened animal or child. “We’ll help you. Dean, why don’t you find the emergency kit and I’ll help him to his room?”

Dean nods, looking for the kit while Castiel limps down the hall, gripping my arm tightly. “I apologize for this inconvenience,” he murmurs.

I smile. “You don’t have to apologize. We don’t mind. We’re family.” This seems to comfort him slightly, and I set him down gently on the bed, assuring him that I’ll be back before returning to Dean. “Alright,” I whisper, keeping my voice low, “What the hell are we going to do?”

“I don’t know, Sam!” Dean hisses back. “I don’t know how to fix people, much less angels.”

I sigh. “Well we can’t let him know that. He needs us. Actually, he needs you. I have a feeling he’s not going to like this, and you’re the only one who might be able to keep him calm.”

“And how am I supposed to do that?” he asks. “I’m just as scared as he is!” he slams his hands down against the table in frustration. “Where the fuck is the emergency kit?!”

I grab his shoulders, forcing him to stop for a moment. “Dean,” I murmur, “Cas needs you. You have to calm down or you’ll freak him out.”

He nods reluctantly. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. So what do we do?”

I consider it. “I guess we’ll just have to talk to him and see what he thinks the best options are. At the very least, with his Grace damaged, we’ll have to clean his wounds and probably set the bones in his wings.”

Dean pauses, thinking. “Do his wings…have bones?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, I’ve never seen them. But there must be something there if they’re broken. Let’s go see what we can find out.”

We walk down the hall, knocking softly on the door before slowly entering. Being left to his own devices, it’s clear that the pain of his injuries is starting to get to the battered angel, the discomfort as clear as day on his face. He looks up at us as we enter. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, everything is okay. How are you holding up?” Dean asks, carefully sitting beside him.

Castiel hesitates. “Um…not so well, I think,” he answers. “I believe this is the longest I’ve ever experienced what you call pain. Does it always get worse the longer it goes on?”

“Sometimes,” I answer softly. “But we’re going to fix it. Cas, have you ever heard of this happening to anyone else?”

He thinks for a moment. “Yes. Not often, but it has happened before.”

Dean sighs in relief. “Okay. How did those people fix their Grace?”

Cas winces. “I believe they, um…had to do things the human way. Their Grace healed once their injuries did. I don’t suppose that’s a good thing for me, is it?”

Dean hesitates. “Um…Well on the bright side, you’ll get to hang out with us for a while.”

I nod, forming a plan of action. “The sooner we get you fixed up, the sooner the pain will stop. We can either start with your wings, or with…everything else. It’s your choice.”

“Everything else. Please,” the angel requests.

I share a look with Dean, surprised at this. I assumed the thing causing him the worst pain would be first on the list, though Cas has always been reluctant to even discuss his wings, much less show them. Still, it’s the least we can do to let him choose. “Alright then,” I say calmly. “We’re going to have to take your shirt off to get to your injuries. Is…that alright?”

He nods, but makes no move to remove it himself. Dean looks over at me questioningly, and I nod to him. He reaches over and carefully pulls the bloody trench coat away, removing his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. Cas seems not to notice until he gently slides the garment from the angel’s shoulders, at which point he cringes. “Well isn’t that strange,” Dean muses to himself. “Bloodstains on the back of your shirt, but no blood on your back.”

Castiel shrugs, hissing in pain at the movement. “There is blood. You just can’t see it.”

Dean shakes his head, deciding it’s better to just accept what his friend says than ask more questions now. Besides, we have more important things to ask about. “Alright Cas, try to relax and stay still,” I instruct calmly as I carefully inspect the bloody slashes in his chest. “Were these made with an Angel Blade?” Castiel nods silently. “Okay. This might sting a little, but I’ll do my best to be gentle.” I carefully soak a piece of gauze in a cleaning solution before reaching towards the angel. Just a moment before my hand comes in contact with the wound, Cas jerks away from me, a low whimper escaping him.

I look at Dean, surprised at how fearful our usually stoic friend is becoming. “Cas, it’s okay,” Dean murmurs. “You know we won’t hurt you.”

Slowly, blue eyes look up, searching between us. “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…strange.”

“We know,” I assure him. “Just try to stay still. It’ll be over before you know it.” Slowly, I move forward again as Dean moves in closer, preventing him from backing away. The angel hisses, pressing back against Dean, to gain comfort or to attempt escape or maybe both. I can’t tell. He takes Cas’ hand anyway, giving what comfort he can, clearly unnerved at how quickly his angel is turning into a frightened child. “Almost done, I promise,” I murmur. Finally, the dried blood is washed from his skin, giving me a better look at the wounds. “Okay, all clean. I’m just going to bandage them. It won’t hurt,” I assure him. Cas nods, relaxing somewhat against Dean as I carefully cover the wounds.

“So,” Dean says to relieve the uncomfortable silence, “How did a bunch of demons even get a hold of your wings? It’s not like you just walk around with them on display.”

Cas nods sadly. “It seems they’ve been doing their homework. There are spells for all kinds of things. You know that.”

Dean frowns. “There’s a spell to make an angel show his wings?”

“An angel’s wings are his most vulnerable and sensitive part,” he explains. “In the old days, when angels were tortured, it was their wings that took the worst of it. When an angel falls, their wings are torn out. They’re a direct line to Grace. It appears the demons have been reading up on us, or that someone is feeding them information.”

I wince throughout his story, and a sudden, horrible thought occurs to me. “When you say ‘most vulnerable and sensitive part’…”

Cas sighs. “Yes, it’s going to be as bad as you think it will be. Compared to the resilience of an angel, their wings are relatively fragile. And the connection to Grace makes them particularly sensitive to all kinds of stimuli. Even the smallest injury is beyond painful. I don’t know how much damage has been done, but I can tell you it is agony.” The angel’s voice, usually even and measured, breaks with his last sentence, and I realize how desperately he’s clinging to this calm visage.

“Alright,” I say, steadying myself. “Well I guess the faster we fix the damage the better, then. Will you, um…show us?”

The angel hesitates, but seems to realize that he has no other choice. He closes his eyes, and suddenly enormous black wings sprout from his back. Both Dean and I freeze, awed by the reality of something we’ve only imagined. Even bloodied, torn, and twisted at unnatural angles, the wings are magnificent. But the closer I look, the more damage I see. It’s clear that the bones, or whatever infrastructure the wings have, have been snapped in several places, making them hang limply, twisted into painful-looking positions. Blood trickles slowly from several gashes, the feathers matted with dried clots. Worse, it seems bringing his wings into this plane of reality have made their pain more real as well, and his white-knuckled fingers grip the blankets tightly. “Sam,” Dean murmurs, “Are you sure you can fix this?”

I’m not, but with the hopeful way Castiel is looking at me I know I can’t say that. Instead, I nod. “It can’t be much different than setting a broken arm, right? It might not be pleasant, but I can fix it.” This seems to calm the angel slightly, and I pray to anyone listening that I’ll be able to do it. “Alright, I’m just going to take a look. I won’t touch, I promise.” He nods, sinking further into Dean’s chest as I carefully map out the injuries. While one wing is twisted beyond natural limits with several breaks clear, the other’s injuries consist mainly of slices made with the knife, and just a small break near the end of the wing. “We’re going to have to immobilize the breaks somehow so that when you move your wings it doesn’t upset the bones. The good news is the joints look okay, so you should have some mobility while they heal, at least in this one. For the one with all the breaks, I think our best bet is to have you fold it back out of the way, splint the breaks in that position and immobilize the whole wing. We can use a bandage to hold it against your body while it heals. For the other, we can just splint the smaller break at the end and clean up the cuts; maybe put some stitches in if we have to. You should have fairly free movement in that one. What do you think?”

Castiel looks up at me, and the pain is apparent in his eyes. “If it works,” he murmurs, “I think it’s the greatest plan you’ve ever had.”

I nod. “Okay. Let me go get what I need. Dean will stay with you.”

He half-smiles in that odd way of his. “Thank you, Sam. For everything.”

“Any time. Try to relax.” 

* * *

 

  **DeanPOV**

 

I wait for Sam to leave before turning to the miserable-looking angel huddled beside me. He’s thinking, and a little crease forms between his eyebrows. “Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask.

“Nothing,” he replies. “I think I might be having a heart attack.”

I frown, lightly pressing my fingers against his neck. “Does your chest or arm hurt?”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s just very fast. And I’m…damp.”

I chuckle. “You’re sweating, Cas. And you’re not having a heart attack. You’re just nervous. I have something that might help.” I pull a bottle out from the drawer, setting it down on the nightstand.

“Whiskey?” he asks.

“It’ll help with the pain a little,” I explain. “Have a sip. Or twenty.”

He stares at it for another minute. “I don’t drink.”

I nod. “I know. But there’s not too many better times to start.”

He rolls his eyes at this. “I am an angel of the Lord, Dean. I’m sure I can handle it.”

Just then, Sam returns, his arms full of various bandages. I take a swig from the bottle myself. “If you say so. I’ll just leave it here in case you change your mind.”

“Alright, let’s get started,” Sam interrupts. “I’m sorry in advance for this. Try to hang in there. You might want to hold onto Dean.”

Castiel nods, bracing himself against me, his grip on my hand tightening as he folds the worse of the two against his back. Sam counts to three before quickly shifting the bones back into place, holding them still while a screaming Cas thrashes. I grab his shoulders, trying to stop his movement, but for someone who’s been tortured within an inch of their life, he’s stronger than you’d expect. “Cas, stop!” I yell over his cries. “Cas, it’s alright, but you have to stay still before you do any more damage. You’re okay. Just take it easy.” Slowly, he quiets, panting heavily. After a minute he looks up at me. “You alright?” I ask.

Instead of answering, he reaches over to the nightstand, picking up the bottle of whiskey and chugging as much as he can while Sam carefully binds the bones. After a solid thirty seconds I take the bottle from him. “Alright big guy, the last thing you need is to start throwing up.”

He sighs, wiping the sweat off his forehead. “Well, that was…unpleasant,” he murmurs weakly.

“Sorry about that,” Sam sighs. “The good news is, that was the worst part. I only have two smaller breaks left to fix, and hopefully they won’t be as painful.”

Castiel shakes his head. “Don’t apologize, Sam. I know you’re trying you’re best. You’re already doing more than necessary to help me.”

“Still, we don’t want to hurt you. Do you want to take a break before we do the rest?”

The angel considers it, then reaches over and takes another swig from the bottle. “I think I’d rather get it over with, if it’s all the same to you.”

Sam nods, going back to stabilizing the bones. Cas whimpers with each small shift, and his grip on me becomes almost painful. “Hurry up,” I mutter to Sam.

“Do you want it done fast or do you want it done well, Dean?” he asks irritated.

“Both would be great,” I reply. “He’s in pain.”

He sighs. “I know that. Hang in there, Cas. I’m almost done.” The angel hides his face in my shoulder, trembling hard, little moans escaping him with each ragged breath. “Okay, I’m done,” Sam says finally.

Castiel gives no sign of hearing this, continuing to shake. I look to Sam, who shrugs helplessly, before pulling him in closer, careful to avoid his injuries. “Easy, Cas. Hey, it’s alright,” I murmur softly. “The bad part is over, okay?” Slowly, he nods, but refuses to separate himself from my shoulder. “Sammy, go get me a bowl of cold water and a few washcloths,” I order, holding onto the trembling angel. When he returns, setting the bowl down on the table, I soak one of the washcloths in the water, then fold it in half and press it against the back of Cas’ neck. A soft, surprised sound escapes him, and after a moment he begins to relax against me, breathing easier. In a few minutes, he blinks up at me. “Better?”

He nods. “What…did you do?” he asks.

I shrug. “It’s something my mom used to do when I got worked up. I never knew why, but it always helped me calm down. I thought it might help you too.”

The corners of his mouth twitch up in a weak smile. “Thank you. It did help.”

“How are you feeling?” Sam asks.

Castiel considers it. “It’s still painful, but not excruciatingly so. It’s bearable. Thank you.”

Sam nods. “I’m glad. I’m just going to finish cleaning up those gashes and patch you up. Don’t worry; it shouldn’t be nearly as bad as before. Just try to relax.” Cas nods, occasionally hissing in pain as Sam cleans his wounds, but for the most part his fear seems to have passed.

“Why’d you go off hunting demons by yourself?” I ask.

He shrugs vaguely. “I heard about some strange things going on, and I know you two are pretty busy, so I thought I’d just…take care of it myself.” I raise an eyebrow at him, and he sighs. “Okay. I just wanted to prove that I could do something right for once. I thought I could handle it. Obviously, I was wrong.”

I nod. “Yeah, you were. But Cas, you don’t have to prove anything. We don’t hunt together because we think you can’t handle yourself. We hunt together because we like having you as a part of the team.”

He sighs softly. “I suppose that was a foolish thing to do, then.”

Sam chuckles, beginning to wrap a bandage around his torso to keep his bad wing still. “Yeah, I’d say it wasn’t one of your best ideas. But you did the right thing coming to us. It’ll take a little while, but you’re going to be okay.”

Cas nods. “Thank you. Both of you,” he murmurs, his eyelids drooping tiredly. “I...I’m really glad that you consider me a part of your family.”

I have to laugh as his head dips, only to jerk back up. “Are you falling asleep?”

He nods slowly. “I think the damage to my Grace has made me slightly more human than usual.” He pauses. “I don’t…really know how to be a proper human.” He thinks this over while his head slowly gravitates towards my shoulder, his free wing folding around him like a blanket.

Sam chuckles softly. “Well, you’ll have around six weeks to figure it out. Don’t worry, we’ll teach you. The first lesson on being human is that humans need to sleep when they get tired. You’ve been through a lot. You should rest.” No sooner has the word left his mouth than soft snores start coming up from the angel, slightly muffled by my shirt. “Well that was fast.” He turns to leave.

“Sam! What am I supposed to do?” I ask.

He looks at me questioningly. “What do you mean?”

“Do I just…stay here?”

He rolls his eyes. “Yes, Dean. You stay there and let him sleep on you and don’t disturb him. Clearly he needs some guidance and comfort right now, and against all logical thought he’s chosen you. You’re his best friend, and he’s helped you out loads of times. I guess it’s time to return the favor. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to see what else I can find out about this whole wing business.”

I nod. “But…you think he’ll be okay, right?”

He shrugs. “Yeah, I think he should be okay. I think he’ll just need some help for a while. He’s not used to being powerless, and he’s never needed to rely on other people. It won’t be easy, but he’ll be okay. We’ll just have to be here for him.”

“Yeah. Okay,” I reply, “I think we can do that. Thanks, Sammy.” He nods, disappearing down the hall.

A soft sound comes up from the angel in my lap, and he presses closer, his good wing twitching lightly in his sleep. I stare at it for a moment, wondering what an angel wing might feel like. Are they just giant bird wings, or is there some magical element that makes them different? I watch him for a minute to be sure that he’s asleep before slowly reaching out, running my fingers lightly over the feathers. Cas sighs softly, a little shudder running through him. Curious, I continue gently petting the odd plumage, wondering what it would be like to have wings.

“What are you doing?” a low, gravelly voice asks suddenly, making me jump.

“Jesus…You scared me. I thought you were asleep.”

He looks up at me, blue eyes narrowed. “I was. But they’re a part of my body, Dean. I can feel them like you feel your arms. Why were you touching them?”

I hesitate, feeling the same way I felt when I was twelve, and dad caught me playing with his gun; the feeling that I’ve done something wrong without knowing what. “Well I…I was just…wondering…I mean, it’s not like I get to see them often…I was curious…and you didn’t seem to mind…”

Cas frowns for a moment. “Do that again.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, but he just stares back until I cave. Slowly, I reach out, my fingertips just barely brushing the edge of the feathers. The wing twitches again, and a strange noise escapes from his chest. I pull my hand back quickly. “What was that?” I ask.

He frowns again. “I’m…not entirely sure.”

“Did…I hurt you?” I ask nervously.

He shakes his head. “No. Quite the opposite, actually. It’s just…unusual. They’ve never…done that before.”

“Done what?”

He stays quiet for a minute, thinking, before shaking his head. “It isn’t important right now.”

I nod. “Okay, but…what does it feel like? Why is it unusual?”

He considers it for a moment. “It’s oddly…soothing. They seem to…respond to you differently. I’ve never experienced that before.”

“Why do you think that is?” I ask. I’ve always known our friendship was different, but is it possible that there’s something else going on?

He looks up at me again. “They remember you.”

I stare at him for a moment. “Okay, you’re going to have to explain that to me. What do you mean they ‘remember’ me?” Instead of explaining, he spreads his good wing farther, and I see a small imperfection. Upon closer inspection, they look like fingerprints burned into the feathers. “What…”

Cas’ eyes travel to my shoulder, where the faint outline of his handprint rests. He presses his hand to it, matching up each finger perfectly. “You got this when I grabbed you. But the thing is, you grabbed me too.”

I frown, trying to get my fingers to stop shaking as I carefully match each one to the marks on Cas’ wing. “I did this?” I ask. He nods. “But…I don’t understand. You said I got that burn because of your Grace. I don’t have Grace. So how did I leave a mark on you?”

He shrugs, his wing curling around him again. “I’ve always told you how powerful the human soul can be. When I pulled you from hell, you were scared and in pain and desperate. Those are powerful emotions. So when I grabbed you, and you realized that I was trying to rescue you, you grabbed onto me for dear life. That kind of pure emotion left an impression on me, both literally and figuratively speaking. And when you touched my wing before, it was like my Grace was reaching out for you. Like it remembered what we went through together, and now that it’s damaged, it…wanted to connect with you again.” He ducks his head. “Just an idea, really. I can’t say for sure. But it wasn’t…unpleasant at all.”

I nod slowly, thinking about this. “I guess that makes sense. When I was in trouble, my soul grabbed onto you. Now that you’ve been hurt, your Grace wants to hang onto me.”

“That’s fairly accurate, yes.”

Finally, after feeling so useless, this is something I can do to help him. “Well there’s nothing wrong with that. You’ve always had my back, and Sam’s. Now I’ve got yours. Don’t worry about it.”

He smiles. “You’re a good friend, Dean.”

“You’re not too shabby yourself. Go back to sleep, Cas. You’ve had a rough few days. When you wake up I’ll make Sam bring us burgers and pie.”

A snort escapes him. “You’re actually going to share pie with me? You must have been more worried than I thought.”

“Shut up.”

Cas chuckles softly. “Jerk.”

“Bitch.”


	2. The Dangerous Man

Cas sleeps soundly for a few hours before Sam slips in to check on him. “How’s he been?” he asks softly.

I shrug. “I think he’s okay. He hasn’t stirred in a while. Poor guy’s just exhausted.”

He nods. “Well I can certainly see why.” He pauses for a moment. “Hey Dean? Did any of that whole demon story strike you as strange?”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, he said he was attacked by demons, but that his wounds were made with an Angel Blade.”

“So? They could have used his,” I point out.

He nods. “Well yeah, that’s what I assumed. But it fell out of his jacket earlier, and it’s totally clean. No blood. No nothing. I know he’s been known to do some strange things, Dean, but in a state like that I don’t think he’d stop to clean his blade before he got here.”

I consider it for a moment. “So you think he…what? Lied to us?”

He shrugs. “It wouldn’t be the first time. But it is possible that he didn’t connect the pieces. Think about it, Dean. If they didn’t use his knife, they’d have to have another Angel Blade. How would they get ahold of one?”

“They could have taken if from another angel, if they’ve done this before.”

“Or…” he prompts.

I think. “Or…another angel gave it to them.” He nods grimly. “So that means…”

“A rogue angel who’s out to hunt other angels,” he finishes.

I nod. “Well there’s only one way to find out. He’s the only one who was there. But…maybe we should wait a few days. I think he’s got enough to deal with right now.”

Sam nods. “Agreed. At least here he’s safe.” He sighs. “Well, I’m going to go grab food. If he’s sleeping, he’ll probably need to eat too. You gonna be okay by yourself for a bit? I can stay until he wakes up if you want.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll call you if I find out anything new.” He nods and slips out as I turn my attention back to the angel who’s managed to curl himself up in a ball in my lap, despite his impressive wingspan. He stirs, frowning. Curiously, I lightly place my hand over his wing, watching him settle again. His peace lasts for a little longer before he stirs again, mumbling something. He wakes with a gasp, jolting up from my lap. “Cas?” I murmur. He whirls around, his eyes wide. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s just me. You’re okay.”

Slowly, he seems to process this, and finally he nods, staring down at his lap. “Right. Sorry.”

I shrug. “Nothing to be sorry for. It happens to the best of us. How are you feeling?”

The angel hesitates. “I…I’m not entirely sure at the moment.”

“Okay…Did you, um…want to talk about it? Your dream?”

He raises an eyebrow at me. “You never want to talk about things. Why would you offer that?”

“Well I…I just thought…” he continues to stare at me, and I sigh. “Is it a crime to be worried about you? We’ve been through a lot together, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you that freaked out. This isn’t your first ride on the torture coaster, but it is the first time it’s messed you up this bad. Come on man, is there something you’re not telling me?”

He sighs softly. “I…I’m not sure.”

“You’re not sure? What does that mean?” I ask.

“It means I don’t know, Dean,” he replies sharply. “I just see these little flashes. None of them fit together or make any sense, but I get this feeling like…like something bad is going on but I can’t figure out what or when. I get so scared but I don’t know why.”

An edge of desperation leaks into his voice, and I sigh, hugging him gently. “Alright, I understand. Just try to calm down. It’s okay to be scared, but the last thing you need to do is panic. You went through something horrible, but you’re going to be okay. And whatever it is that’s not fitting together right now, we’ll figure it out. But for now, you’re safe from whatever’s going on. Just try to relax and focus on getting better for right now. We can deal with the rest later.”

He nods, pressing closer into my side as he tries to calm himself. My hand brushes along the edge of his good wing, and almost immediately the tension leaves him. “That’s really not fair, you know,” he murmurs.

“What’s not fair?”

A small smile escapes him. “That you can do that. Downright dangerous, if you ask me. Should I start carrying tranquilizers around to even the playing field?”

I can’t help but laugh. “I guess you’ll just have to trust that I won’t calm you to death.” 

He chuckles. “I guess so. I suppose I can manage that.”

There’s a soft knock on the door before Sam pokes his head in again. “Hey, look who’s awake. How are you feeling, Cas? Any pain?”

The angel shrugs. “Some, but nowhere near as bad as before, thanks to you.”

Sam smiles. “Good to hear. I thought you might be hungry.” No sooner has he set a bag down than Cas is digging into it. “Well,” he laughs, “I’m going to take that as a yes.” He hands a second bag to me before sitting at the edge of the bed to open his own dinner. “Hey Cas, you mind if I ask you about something?”

Cas shrugs. “Go ahead.”

“I was sort of wondering how you escaped. I mean, you were in pretty bad shape, and the things that did this to you don’t exactly seem like the merciful type.”

The angel frowns, a little crease forming between his eyebrows. “I…I don’t really know. I just remember being tortured, and then hearing Dean’s call and then…you opened the door. Everything else is kind of…fuzzy.” He pauses. “Is that a bad thing? Do you think they did something to me?”

Sam considers it. “It’s possible, but I think it’s much more likely that it’s stress-related.”

“What exactly does that mean?”

“Well sometimes people who experience traumatic things can’t remember what happened. It’s a sort of defense against memories that might be painful. The brain blocks them out to protect itself. You were held hostage, tortured, and had your wings broken. That sounds pretty traumatic. Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll clear up soon enough.”

Cas nods, but seems unconvinced. “Is there a way I might clean up without ruining your work here? I feel…dirty.”

“Sure,” Sam replies. “We should try to keep your bandages dry, but I think we can work around them. I’m sure Dean would gladly help you. Right Dean?”

“Uh…yeah. Sure thing,” I assure him, though I’m not entirely sure of what I’m agreeing to. “We can get you cleaned up after dinner if you want.”

He nods gratefully, returning to his burger. When he’s finished, he sighs. “Being human is complicated.”

Sam chuckles. “Yeah, it’s not always fun. But it’s not all bad.”

“When does the good part start?” Cas asks.

“We’ll keep you posted on that,” I answer. “In the meantime, let’s clean you up.” He nods, trying to get up from the bed, but tripping over the edge of the blankets. I manage to catch him before he hits the floor. “Maybe we should take it one step at a time,” I suggest.

“That’s probably a better idea.” He grips my arm tightly, and we slowly make our way into the bathroom. “I’m sorry,” he murmurs when I set him down on the edge of the tub. “I don’t mean to be so dependent.”

I shrug. “It’s fine. We’ve all been there before.”

He sighs. “I don’t like it.”

I nod, sitting on the counter beside him. “Yeah, I know how you feel. None of us like it. But sometimes we have to depend on each other. It’s only for a while. Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll be back to your usual, pain-in-the-ass self in no time.”

He manages a small smile. “Thank you. You’ve been…very helpful. I have to admit, I didn’t come just because you called.”

“Why else did you come, then?”

He shrugs. “I knew I was in trouble, and you’re the only person who I was sure I could trust. I can’t say exactly how, but I knew you would help.”

I nod, standing to grab towels from under the sink. “Well, I’m glad you came. Now, how do you want to…” I turn back to find him standing there, stark naked. “Um…nevermind.”

Cas’ head tilts to the side, confused. “Am I doing something wrong?”

“Uh…no. No. I just…hang on for a minute. Stay right there.” I walk back to the bedroom to find Sam chuckling. “What’s so funny?” I growl at him.

“You are. Does it really make you that uncomfortable?”

I roll my eyes at him before starting to dig through the drawers. “Excuse me if a full-grown naked man standing in the bathroom makes me a little uncomfortable.”

“Come on, Dean, it’s not like that. He’s your friend, and he doesn’t really understand it. He’s like a child.”

“Dude, gross. That’s just worse.”

He laughs. “What are you even looking for?” Finally, I find it and hold it up so he can see. “A bathing suit?”

“It’ll make me feel better, okay?”

He shrugs. “Whatever works. Have fun.”

I scowl at him before going back to the bathroom and holding the article out to Cas. “Put that on.” He looks at it curiously, but obeys as I run the water in the tub. When I turn back around, he’s waiting. I motion him towards the tub, but he just stares at it. “You’re not going to get clean from there.” Slowly, he steps toward the tub, running his hand through the water. “It’s…water, Cas. You’re supposed to get in. That’s how this whole cleaning thing goes.”

He nods. “I know.” He stands there for another moment before climbing into the tub, sighing softly as he settles down in the water. “That’s nice,” he murmurs, his eyes closing.

“So I hear.”

One eye opens at me. “Do you not do this?” he asks.

“Not really. I’m not good at being alone with my thoughts.”

"I see.” He pauses. “So why am I doing it?”

I shrug. “Because you need to relax. Can you wash yourself, or do you want help?” He takes the washcloth from me and attempts to lift his arm above his head, but winces and drops it down again. Defeated, he hands the towel back. “Hey, it’s okay. I don’t mind. It’s probably better to take it easy today anyway.” He nods reluctantly as I begin to clean him up, carefully avoiding the bandages on his chest and wings. He shivers as I lightly run the cloth between his wings. “How’s it feel to be clean again?” I ask, rinsing him off.

He cracks a small smile. “Heavenly.”

I chuckle. “And they say you have no sense of humor. Come on, let’s dry you off. We’ll wash your hair in the sink so we don’t mess up the bandages. I don’t think either of us wants to go through that again.”

“Agreed,” he nods, carefully standing up. I hand him the dry towel, letting him dry himself off while I dig up some clean clothes for him to wear. I turn away to let him dress himself in as much privacy as possible. Though he still holds onto my shoulder for support, the fact that he can do this himself seems to lift his spirits a little. He settles in front of the sink, and I get to work washing the dried blood and sweat from his hair. He makes a soft sort of purring sound.

“What?” I ask.

He shrugs. “You’re doing it again.”

“What, exactly, am I doing?”

He looks away. “It’s…complicated. And probably dangerous. More danger than I should be willing to put myself in. And yet, I have no desire to stop it.”

I pause in my rinsing. “I’m not sure I’m following here. What danger are we talking about?”

He shakes his head. “It’s nothing. I’ll tell you about it another time.”

I sigh, finishing the job. “Well whatever it is, you know I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Cas nods. “I know. That’s why I’m not worried.”

“Oh. Okay then. You’re done. Now back to bed before you hurt yourself.”

He chuckles. “Hey Dean?” he murmurs, slowly hoisting himself out of the chair. “Thank you. For everything.”

I nod, helping him back into the bedroom. It’s only a moment before he’s out cold. “Hey Sammy?” I call quietly.

He peeks into the room. “Something wrong?”

“How much lore is there about angel wings?”

He frowns for a moment. “Um…I don’t know. I found a couple of things, and I made some calls, so we should know more soon. Why do you ask?”

Cas stirs, mumbling something in his sleep. I lightly place a hand over his wing, and Sam’s eyes widen as the angel quiets. “That would be why.”

“You can…how did you do that?” he asks.

“I don’t know, Sammy. He says they ‘remember’ me.”

Slowly, he sits down. “Remember you from hell?”

I nod. “Yeah. He said I grabbed him, and the power of the human spirit forced some sort of connection. And now that he’s hurt, they’re reaching out to me. He says he’s never experienced anything like it before.”

“Huh.” Sam thinks for a moment. “It’s possible. I mean, people talk about the soul as something separate from the rest of a person all the time. What if Grace is something separate from an angel? We’ve seen how powerful Grace is. It’s not too far a stretch to believe it has some sort of consciousness of its own. Tell me again, exactly what he told you.”

I sit down next to the angel. “He said that I left a mark on him when he pulled me out of hell, just like he left one on me, and that now that his Grace is damaged, it wanted to connect with me again.”

He nods thoughtfully. “And he just goes calm whenever you touch his wings?”

“As far as I can tell. Any thoughts?”

He hesitates. “Well…it’s almost like…like it’s scared.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Oh come on, now we’re assigning emotions to it?”

“Just think about it, Dean. The Grace is still there, but it’s damaged, and it looks like its connection with Cas has been turned off for the time being. Think about the times you’ve been separated from your body. How confused and freaked out you were. And how comforting it was to see or hear or touch something familiar. How much safer it made you feel. I know it’s implausible, but it kind of makes sense.”

“So you think it’s freaked out that the connection with Cas is missing?” I sigh.

He shrugs. “Yeah, I guess. He said his wings are a direct line to his Grace, right? Maybe when you touch them, it recognizes you as something familiar and safe. Maybe he relaxes because it does. I don’t know, man. That’s my best guess, but I’ll keep looking.”

I nod. “Yeah. Let me know if you find anything.” He slips out, and I turn my attention back to the angel on the bed. “You’re just full of mysteries today, aren’t you?”

* * *

 

I wake up in the middle of the night to strange banging noises coming from the kitchen. Automatically, I grab the gun from the nightstand and slowly creep towards the sound. A quick check reveals that Sam is still in his bed. I round the corner into the kitchen to find Castiel doing something that resembles fighting with the cookware. “Goddammit Cas,” I mutter, lowering the weapon.

He turns, surprised. “Oh. Hello Dean.”

“Don’t ‘hello Dean’ me. What are you doing?”

He looks to the stove, then back at me, puzzled. “I’m…making breakfast.”

“It’s three in the morning, Cas,” I point out. “Nobody eats breakfast at three in the morning. Why are you even awake?”

He shrugs, looking away. “I wasn’t tired anymore, so I thought I’d do something productive.”

“You weren’t tired anymore?” I repeat. He nods slowly. “You do realize that you’ve barely been able to stand up on your own, but suddenly you felt so good that you decided to make breakfast?” He gives a half-shrug, but stays silent. I sigh, collecting myself and putting the gun down. “Alright Cas, why don’t you take a seat?” Slowly, he obeys, sinking into the couch and watching as I sit down across from him. “Alright. Now, you want to tell me what’s really going on here?”

He hesitates. “No, not particularly. But I’m guessing that’s not really relevant right now.”

“You got that right. I don’t believe that you’re just getting in touch with your inner Martha Stewart here, so what’s this really about?”

The angel sighs, sinking further into the couch. “Well…it’s nothing really. It’s just…I had one of those dreams again. And I didn’t want to go back to sleep and have another one, so I thought trying something new would keep my mind off of it.”

I sigh. “Why didn’t you yell for me like I told you to?” I ask.

“You were sleeping. I’ve already inconvenienced you enough, and I didn’t want to disturb you again,” he explains.

“Cas I already told you, you’re not an inconvenience. I don’t mind being woken up if you need something. What about these dreams is freaking you out? You said they don’t make any sense.”

He nods. “They don’t. But I can still tell that something bad happened. The fact that I can’t remember it is…distressing.”

He yawns. “Alright, well we can discuss it in the morning. But you can’t just not sleep. Especially not now with all the healing you have to do. Let’s get you back to bed.” Cas frowns, but doesn’t resist as I help him off the couch and back into his room. “Do you want me to stay with you?” I offer.

He shakes his head. “No, that’s alright. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“Alright. If you change your mind or you have another dream or you need something, I want you to wake me up. Got it?”

He nods. “Got it. Goodnight, Dean.”

I wait up until I hear soft snores coming from his room, but in the morning I wake up to find him curled at the end of my bed anyway. “Close enough,” I mutter to myself.

There’s a soft knock on the door before Sam enters. “Morning. So I…” he starts, then trails off, looking at the angel on the bed. “It’s like having a new puppy,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, something like that. Except a new puppy doesn’t try to cook breakfast at three in the morning. Did you want something?”

“Oh. Yeah. I have some news on the research front. So I’ve been looking for possible connections between angels and humans, and so far I’ve only found one even a little similar to this. The thing is, it has to do with Guardians.”

I frown. “But Cas isn’t a Guardian angel.”

He nods. “My thoughts exactly. It looks like this is something no one’s seen before. Or written about, at least. I mean, Cas is hardly a typical angel. It looks like this is a sort of new territory for everyone.”

I sigh. “Awesome. You know how much I love being the universe’s guinea pig.”

“Yeah, I know.” He watches Cas for a moment. “So, three in the morning, huh?”

I nod. “Yeah. He had another nightmare and got freaked out. We’ve gotta do something before he goes crazy.”

“What do you think we should do?” he asks.

“I don’t know. We don’t really have someone on the angel patrol we can call for help. Maybe we should tell him your evil angel theory. Maybe it’ll jog his memory or something.”

He shrugs. “It could. But don’t you think it’d hurt him if one of his brothers is behind this?”

Cas makes a small noise, his feathers rustling. “Yeah, I think it would. But right now he’s just so lost. He wants to know what happened to him. And we can’t just let him suffer. We have to figure this out, and it looks like he’s the best lead we’ve got. We’ll just have to pick up the pieces. We’ve done it before.”

Sam nods. “Alright. We can try. I’ll meet you in the living room.”

I watch him leave before taking a seat next to a sleeping Cas. Slowly, I reach out, shaking him lightly. “Cas? Wake up buddy.” He comes around slowly, groaning. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

He ignores me, stretching. “Dean?” he murmurs finally. “Is now a more appropriate time for breakfast?”

I can’t help but laugh. “Yes, now is a better time. Sam’s already got it started, so why don’t you wash up and join us?”

He nods sleepily, sitting up. “Alright.” I watch him, amused, as he walks toward the other door in the room.

“Um, Cas?” He turns to look at me. “That’s the closet,” I point out. “Bathroom’s this way.”

He pauses, looking at the door for a moment before nodding. “Right.”

I leave him in the bathroom and go find Sam. “Ready?” I ask him.

“Nope. But it doesn’t look like we have any other choice. I’ll follow your lead.” Cas returns, taking a seat at the table. “Morning,” Sam greets him. “How are you feeling?”

Cas shrugs. “Does it matter?”

“Well we don’t want you to be in a lot of pain.”

He thinks about this. “Oh. I’m okay, I guess. It still hurts, but it’s not bad. Thank you.”

Sam glances at me, subtly nodding towards him. “So Cas,” I start, “I was talking to Sammy earlier, and we were thinking that it might help you to talk to us about what you remember.”

The angel frowns. “How would that help?”

I hesitate, and Sam cuts in. “Well, Dean was telling me that you said your memories of what happen didn’t quite make sense, and that you were having dreams about them that were…stressing you out. So we thought maybe if you tried to talk about them, we could help you figure out the parts that don’t make sense, and maybe then you wouldn’t have those dreams all the time. We’d just like to help.”

Cas considers it. “Did you find out anything?” he asks.

“Well, no,” Sam says, “But I was doing some thinking, and I might have a theory. You’re sure the things that hurt you were demons, right?” he asks. Cas nods. “Okay. And you said they knew some crazy powerful ancient spell that they used against you. Is there anyone you know of that might have had knowledge of a spell like that?”

He thinks. “Some of the higher-level angels, maybe.”

Sam nods. “Okay. And you said they used an Angel Blade on you. Was it your blade?”

Cas shakes his head. “No, they had it before they took me.”

Sam glances at me, and I shrug. “Cas, we think maybe there’s a rogue angel out there working with the demons. We don’t know why, but the pieces fit.” All at once, Cas goes completely still, not even breathing as he stares straight ahead with wide eyes. “Cas?” I call softly. “Cas, can you hear me? Castiel!”

I nudge him, but he doesn’t even blink, and he’s starting to turn blue. As a last-ditch effort, I reach out and slap him hard. He gasps, his breath coming out in a hoarse whisper. “Karael.” He jumps up, his chair clattering to the floor, and begins mumbling to himself in Enochian.

“Alright Cas, calm down. Who is Karael?” I ask. He continues to ignore me, his breathing getting strained. “Crap. Cas, focus. Cas!”

* * *

**CPOV**

Dean is still talking, but I can barely hear him over the buzz in my head as all the broken pieces of memory start to fit together. The Dangerous Man, the one with the smile that gave me that sick feeling when I remembered it. He’s Karael. Everything is all wrong, and I’m getting this odd pain in my chest, but I can’t focus on anything besides the images flashing through my head. Vaguely, in the back of my mind I register the conversation between Sam and Dean.

 _"Way to go, Dean,”_ Sam mutters. _“You broke him.”_

 _“Yeah, well I’m all out of ideas, so it’s your turn,”_ Dean replies.

There’s a hint of worry in his voice, a note he usually reserves only for Sam. The sound of it makes me uncomfortable. How is Karael here? Why would he turn on his own kind, join forces with the ones he was supposed to protect against?

Suddenly, I find myself pressed up against something hard, and the small part of my brain analyzing the obstacle finds it so bizarre that for a moment it drowns out my panic. I look up, finding myself face-to…chest with Sam, who has his arms locked around me. “Sam?”

“Cas? Can you hear me?” he asks, worried.

“You’re hugging me.”

A brief smile flashes across his face. “Um…yeah, I know.”

I frown. “Why are you hugging me?” I ask, briefly distracted by the same stabbing pain in my chest.

“You went totally catatonic and then freaked out on us. You weren’t responding. I thought maybe I could shock you out of it.” His tone is softer than I expect it to be, considering how inconvenient I’d imagine it is to have to talk an angel down. “Cas,” he murmurs, “I know you’re scared, but you need to calm down. Whatever’s going on, you’re safe here. We’re not going to let anyone hurt you, but we really need to know what’s happening, and you really need to breathe before you get sick.”

“I’m not cleaning that up. Just FYI,” Dean cuts in.

Sam glares at him. “ _Dean_ ,” he snaps. He turns back to me, and I realize that he’s legitimately concerned. There’s another twinge in my chest that has nothing to do with low oxygenation. “Cas, I promise, whatever it is, we’ll figure it out. It’s going to be okay, but you have to calm down and take a deep breath.”

“I…don’t think I can,” I manage.

“Why not?”

“I’m not sure I remember how.”

He looks oddly relieved, though I’m not sure why. It definitely doesn’t sound like a good thing to me. “Something we can fix for once,” he mutters to himself. “Alright Cas, I promise you haven’t forgotten how to breathe properly.”

“You sound very sure,” I point out.

He chuckles. “Yeah. I am sure. It’s in there somewhere. You just have to focus. Pick one thing and focus on it until everything else is quiet.” I nod, deciding that Sam is the easiest thing to focus on at the moment, given his proximity. Cautiously, I press closer to him, trying to block out everything else. Surprisingly, instead of pulling away, he pulls me closer, one hand resting low on my back, avoiding my injuries, and the other pressed to the back of my neck. His grip is firm, but not alarmingly so, and I find it oddly comforting, despite being strange. I wonder idly if this is a purely human reaction or not. After a minute or two of focusing on his solid, steadying presence, I once again attempt a deeper breath, and this time it’s a little easier, a little less tight. Sam must feel it, because a relieved sigh escapes him. “See? You did it.” I nod, staying that way for a minute until I think I can keep it together on my own, before slowly looking up at him. Though slightly less worried than before, his expression is still soft with concern. “Feel better?” he asks.

I nod, stepping back from him. His hold releases immediately, and I find myself oddly disappointed. “Yes, thank you. I apologize for the breach of personal space. I’m not sure what came over me.”

“Don’t worry about it, Cas,” he replies. “I’m just glad you’re back with us. Do you think we can talk about whatever you remembered without freaking you out again?”

I nod again, taking a seat. “I think your theory is right. I know who’s behind it now. It’s Karael.”

“Who is Karael?” Dean asks, puzzled.

“Karael was an angel whose job it was to watch demon activity and prevent it from getting…out of hand. He had a certain influence over them.”

“He must be employee of the month,” Dean mutters.

Sam frowns. “Did you say ‘was’ an angel?”

I nod. “Karael disappeared centuries ago. He was presumed destroyed by the demons. That’s why I didn’t recognize him initially. He should be dead.”

They both consider this for a moment. “So…what?” Dean asks. “He went into hiding for a few centuries, and then started popping up to torture his own kind?”

I shrug. “It’s possible, though I don’t know how he’d manage to hide for so long. But…he did say something…It’s a little fuzzy.”

“See if you can remember,” Dean prods.

I nod, but my stomach does a little flip anyway. I don’t really want to remember anything else if it goes as well as the last time. I look over at Sam for a moment, wishing he would come closer again. I’m both surprised and embarrassed by the desire, and I look away quickly, but he must have seen something, because he takes a seat next to me. “He…he said he was experimenting,” I remember, cringing a little at the memory.

“Experimenting? For what?”

I shake my head quickly. “I don’t know, but I don’t really want to remember anything else right now.”

Sam nods, lightly patting my shoulder. “That’s probably a good idea. You don’t want to push it too much. I learned that the hard way.”

I feel a little guilty, remembering exactly how he learned that. “Alright,” Dean says, “Well he can’t get to you here, so you’ll be safe while you heal. In the meantime, we’ll try to figure out how we’re going to take him down. We’ll have to find him first anyway.”

“I don’t think you’re going to find him, Dean,” I say. “I think we’re going to have to let him find us. Or me.”

Dean shakes his head. “Absolutely not. We’re not using you as bait. He’s hurt you enough.”

I sigh. “We may not have another choice. I’m not thrilled about it either, but I can’t stay in hiding forever. He’ll come after me, one way or another. He isn’t after any angel, he’s after me. We might as well use it to our advantage.”

He frowns. “Well we have time to figure it out. But for now, I think we could all use a day to relax.” He moves to sit next to me on the couch, but Sam gets up, going into his room. There’s a strange feeling in my chest as he does, and I try to rub it away, only to accidentally press against one of the slashes in my chest and quickly abandon the idea. Dean turns the TV on, but I’m not paying attention. Instead, I try to decipher these complex human emotions I’ve begun feeling. Angels are simple. They follow a pattern, and they’re rational. Humans are the exact opposite. They have all these _feelings_ and _emotions,_ not to mention _desires_ that I’m finding hard to understand. And that’s without taking their strange customs into account, like this odd feeling they get when someone shows fondness for them. More and more since my grace was damaged, I’m finding it so tempting to give in to those desires, especially the desire for closeness, which is completely foreign. Angels are solitary creatures. They don’t experience affection the way humans do, and just thinking about it too hard makes me a little dizzy. I realize Dean’s talking to me. “Cas!”

“What?” I ask.

He frowns. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look…confused.”

I mean to tell him that yes, I’m fine, but what comes out is “How do you think Sam feels about me?”

My hand clamps down over my mouth immediately, but it’s too late. Dean stares at me for a minute. “…Come again?” he says finally.

I feel my face getting hot, and I know it’s red. Humiliation is yet another unfortunate side effect of being human that I’ve become well acquainted with. “I don’t mean…I just…I always thought that he only accepted my presence in your lives because you asked him too. But now everything is so confusing, and I don’t know anymore.”

Behind me, the couch dips, and I jump a little. I turn to find Sam, who’s frowning. “Why would you think that, Cas?” he asks softly.

I hesitate. “Well…I’ve sort of…screwed up your whole life over and over and over again. You should hate me.”

A brief, amused smile flashes across his face, though I don’t know what’s funny. “Yeah,” he says, “But I have this problem where I never do what I should. Besides, you haven’t screwed up my life half as much as Dean has.” Dean makes a small sound of protest as I stare at Sam, bewildered. He sighs. “Look Cas, I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you. You’ve made some mistakes, but we all have. You’re family.”

“Then…why did you seem so reluctant to accept my presence before?”

He shrugs. “I guess I just figured you and Dean had your own stuff going on. I didn’t want to be in the way.”

“And…now?”

“Now you’re my friend, and I care about you, and you came to us for help. I don’t want you to suffer, especially not if I can help. It’s simple.”

I shake my head. “No it’s not. Since I’ve been here everything has been so complex and confusing, especially all these feelings. Are all humans this complicated, or is it just you two?”

Sam chuckles, his hand coming down lightly on my shoulder, and that same feeling from before spreads through me again. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much. You’ll figure it out.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I mumble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Cas :( Good thing he has the boys to take care of him! I have a bunch more chapters already written, but reformatting them to the site is annoying and I have classes tomorrow. So I'm off to sleep now and will be back at it tomorrow.  
>  
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	3. Hellfire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, back to reformatting and transferring. Hope you enjoy!

**CPOV**

 

There are a lot of things I miss about being an angel. I miss being able to fight my own battles. I miss being the strong one. I miss always knowing what people are thinking, and not knowing what they’re feeling. I miss people looking at me without pity in their eyes; talking to me without that note of worry, the voice hushed and soothing, making me want to give into it. Sometimes I hate how much I want to stop fighting the weakness; how much I want to let them comfort me, how much I want to accept their soft hands and softer words. But the thing I miss most this morning is not being in pain. Because I’ve realized lately just how painful it is to be human. It’s constant, ambiguous, and always there one way or another. It makes me wonder if that’s why babies cry; because it’s just all too much for them. I don’t know how humans do it. I wonder if they even notice it anymore, or if they’ve just grown used to it. This morning, that pain has taken the form of the overwhelming mix of emotion and confusion that has taken up residence in my head, as well as the waves of pain that are radiating through my back. I briefly consider hiding this from Sam and Dean, but when I try to sit up the fire in my muscles is enough to convince me otherwise. Instead, I decide to find Dean and see if he still has whiskey stashed somewhere. The only problem with that plan is that it involves moving, something I’m not sure is going to happen right now. I manage to pull myself up; my body protesting each slow, shuffling step to the living room. Dean isn’t there, but Sam is, a stack of books on the table next to him. He glances up. “Cas? You okay?”

“Where is Dean?” I ask.

“He went on a supply run. We needed some stuff.” He frowns. “Are you sure you’re alright? You’re kind of pale.”

I ignore his last comment. “He went alone?”

“Yeah. He asked me to stay in case you needed anything. He should be back in a couple of hours. Did you need something?”

I shake my head, trying not to wince as the pain flares up again. “No, that’s alright. I’ll just wait…” I turn to return to my bedroom, but a spasm runs through my back, the muscles objecting to their confinement, and I’m completely leveled by the jolt of pain that spreads through my body, crumpling under the weight of it. It’s so blinding that I can’t register anything but the flames that I’m sure must be licking over me.

Slowly, the room comes back into focus, and I find myself on the floor, a worried Sam kneeling beside me. “Cas? Cas, can you hear me? Where does it hurt?” he asks.

“Back,” I manage to whimper out, trying to catch my breath. I feel his hand settle lightly on my back, looking for the source of the pain, but automatically my body seizes up out of fear and I jerk away from his touch, which sends a fresh wave of fire through me. “Don’t!” I plead, both disgusted by how pathetic it sounds and unable to care.

“Okay, okay, I won’t,” he murmurs, adopting that same soothing tone that I both enjoy and hate. “Just relax and stay still for a moment. I’m not going anywhere.” The idea of this is slightly comforting, and I try to take his advice. After a moment, the pain fades to a dull roar. “Cas?” he says cautiously. “Can you tell me what happened?”

I turn my head slowly, trying to limit the amount of pain I put myself through. “My back has been getting stiffer the longer it’s bandaged, and it started to hurt a few days ago. It’s getting worse. I keep getting spasms and I don’t know how to fix them. They’re bad.”

He nods thoughtfully. “Okay, I think we can fix that. First let’s get you off the floor. Do you think you can sit up, or do you want some help?”

“Help…would be appreciated,” I admit. “Just…slowly. Please.”

“Of course,” he assures me. “Tell me if you need to slow down.” One large hand wraps around my arm, the other falling to the opposite hip, slowly pulling me up while I try to pull oxygen into my lungs. “There you go, buddy,” he murmurs when I’m upright. “Now, we can fix this, but I have to ask you a few questions first. Do you not want me to touch you?”

I hesitate, considering my answer carefully. “No. I mean, that’s not it. It’s that I do, but I don’t…quite know what to do. Angels don’t…do that like humans do. They don’t…hug or hold hands or experience much in the way of physical touch. But I’ve noticed, since I’ve been here, that I seem to…enjoy it. And worse, that I think I want it like I never have before. But these feelings…they’re so new. It’s.…strange.”

Sam nods. “Well I can understand why it would freak you out if you’re not used to it. You know I wouldn’t hurt you, right?”

I think about it for a moment before nodding. Since I’ve been here, Sam has had plenty of opportunity to hurt me, and he hasn’t, excluding that first night when he set my wings, which, to be fair, had to be done, and which he felt guilty about. “Yes, I know you wouldn’t hurt me.”

He smiles, relieved. “Do you trust me, Cas?”

I have to think again. While it’s true Sam and I have never been as close as Dean and I, since I’ve been injured he has shown me exceptional kindness, and he seems to genuinely care about my well-being. I realize that I do trust him, or I wouldn’t have come here. I nod slowly. “Yes,” I murmur. “I trust you.”

He seems sincerely happy about this. “Okay. Then let’s fix this pain. Do you think you can walk, or do you want me to carry you?”

“I’ll walk,” I decide, “Just…” I reach my hand out to him and he nods, taking it and helping me off the floor. He supports much of my weight as he leads me into the bathroom. “I don’t understand,” I say, watching him turn on the water in the tub. “How is this going to help?”

“The heat of the water should help relax the muscles a little bit, and then we’ll see if we can work the knots out.” I’m not entirely sure what this means, but if it’s going to help the pain I’ll try it. “Alright,” he says, “let’s remove the bandage holding your wing down and give you a little more space to breathe.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” I ask, remembering the pain of that first night.

He must realize where my thoughts are. “Don’t worry, the other bandages will keep everything in place, and it won’t hurt. But hopefully relieving some of the pressure on your back for a while will help. Trust me.”

I nod, watching as he carefully removes the tight strip of bandage. I do feel a little better. “Can I stretch it?” I ask.

“The wing? Sure, if you want. Just do it slowly, and stop if anything hurts.” Slowly, I unfold it from where it’s rested for the past several weeks, surprised at how good it feels to be able to move. I expected pain, but everything seems to be working properly, albeit stiffly. “How’s it feel?” Sam asks.

“Surprisingly okay,” I reply. “Does that mean it’s healed?”

“Well, I think we should probably keep the bandages where they are for a little while longer, just to be safe. None of us want to go through this again. But I think it’s healing well. You’ll be good as new soon enough.” He gently helps me into the water, which is just on the right side of too hot. “I’ll let you relax for a while,” he murmurs. Before I can even think, I find myself reaching out and grabbing onto his wrist. He turns back, surprised. “Do you…want me to stay?” he asks.

I swallow nervously, nodding. “I…yes, I think so. If you don’t mind.”

He nods, smiling reassuringly. “Sure. Just give me a second, okay? I’ll be right back.”

I nod, releasing his arm, but the moment he is out of sight I start to doubt that he’ll return. _No_ , I admonish myself. _Trust him_. Sure enough, Sam returns, setting his stack of books on the counter. “I’m sorry,” I say automatically. “It’s just…it’s not so bad when you’re around.”

He shakes his head. “You don’t have to apologize, Cas. I don’t mind. Try to relax for a while, okay?”

He picks up the book at the top of the pile, and I allow myself to enjoy the heat of the water, managing to slowly relax a little bit. “What are you reading?” I ask.

“Trying to find some information on our buddy Karael, but it looks like he was pretty good at avoiding being noticed. How’s your back feeling?”

“It still hurts,” I admit, “but the spasms aren’t as bad now.”

He nods. “Good. We’ll have you fixed up in no time. Ready to continue?” I don’t really know what comes next, but I nod anyway, and Sam carefully helps me up, waiting patiently as I dry off and pull on someone’s old sweatpants. I miss my trench coat. He leads me back to the bedroom, coaxing me into lying down on my stomach. “Alright, let’s see what we’ve got.” I don’t know what he means by that, but then I feel one large hand pressed lightly to my lower back, and I think I start to understand. The idea is unsettling, and he must feel it because the touch disappears. “Trust me, Cas,” he reminds me softly. “I’m not going to hurt you. I know you’re not used to it, and that’s okay. I’ll go slow, and if you don’t like it I’ll stop. But I don’t want you to be in pain, and I don’t think you want that either.”

Slowly, I nod, remembering to breathe. “Okay. I’ll try.”

The hand reappears, but stays in place for a minute, waiting for me to relax. I take a breath, focusing on the odd warmth that spreads through me. Slowly, it moves further up, not pressing hard, but still assessing the damage. I tense as he nears the source of the worst pain, but his fingers just barely ghost over it. “Relax,” he reminds me again. When I look back at him, he’s frowning. “If this is how it feels when it’s better, I’d hate to know what it felt like earlier.”

“It wasn’t pleasant,” I tell him.

“I can see that. How are you doing with the whole ‘touching’ thing?”

I consider it. “It’s not bad. It’s actually kind of nice. Just strange.”

He nods. “Good. Alright, try to relax as much as you can, and breathe. I’m going to be gentle, but some of your knots are in knots, so they might be a little uncomfortable at first. But I promise you it won’t hurt, okay?”

“Okay,” I murmur. His hands move lower again, starting at the base of my spine and searching carefully for the stiff spots. The fingers dig in gently when they find one, the pressure light at first and slowly increasing. There’s a dull ache for a moment before a sense of warmth spreads as the muscles release, and the relief is so sweet that I don’t even care about letting the weakness show.

I make a small sound, and Sam pauses. “Cas? Did that hurt?”

I shake my head quickly. “No. it felt really good, actually.”

He smiles. “Good.” He continues, making his way slowly up my spine, finding every uncomfortable spot and quickly releasing the tension. The large hands, though powerful, are exceedingly gentle and careful, and I can feel him watching me closely for any signs of pain. I get so lost in how good it feels that I don’t notice how close he is to the worst spots until I feel his fingers moving slowly over the muscles connected to my wings, where the worst of the pain is. I can’t help but flinch when I feel it, and he stops. “That’s where it hurts the most?” he asks. I nod. “Okay. Try to relax. I’ll be gentle and go slowly.” I take a breath as the light touch returns, and he presses carefully into the muscle, a little at a time. The ache is worse here, definitely uncomfortable but not truly painful. I remember to keep breathing this time, and when the tension suddenly releases a little moan escapes me before I can stop it. Sam chuckles, continuing to massage it lightly for a moment, making sure the pain is gone. “Better?” he asks.

I nod. “So much better,” I breathe. He moves over to the other side, repeating the process, and this time it’s much easier to relax. His hands continue upwards, relieving the pain in my shoulder and neck, before moving back down again, going over the work he just did and checking for any spots he missed. “Does it still hurt anywhere?” he asks.

I shake my head. “Not at all, for once. It’s nice.”

He chuckles. “I bet it is. If it starts getting stiff again, let me know before it gets bad and we’ll take care of it.”

“That sounds much better than my original plan,” I remark.

“Oh yeah? What was your original plan?”

“Finding the alcohol,” I admit.

Sam laughs. “Oh, so that’s why you were looking for Dean. For future reference, I don’t think it would have really helped. You were in pretty bad shape. Why didn’t you just tell us what was going on?”

I shrug. “I felt weird about asking for help. I usually do. This isn’t weird, is it?”

“I don’t think so,” he replies. “You were in pain, and now you’re not. Do you feel like it’s weird?”

I think about it. “No, but my social compass doesn’t always point north, so I’m not the best judge.”

He chuckles. “I guess that’s true. Well I don’t think it’s weird, if that helps. Then again, I fight monsters for a living, so I don’t know if I’m the best judge either. So no pain is always a good sign. How are you feeling otherwise?”

“Not horribly now,” I murmur, groaning softly as his fingers press deeper. “Actually not bad at all at the moment.”

“Well you certainly look like you’re feeling better. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so relaxed. Was a back rub all you needed to get the stick out of your ass?” he teases.

I laugh, and it doesn’t hurt for once. “I guess so. I don’t think I’ve been this relaxed in centuries, especially lately. Being human is stressful. You have all of these feelings and desires and they’re all so overwhelming.”

His hands travel slowly up each side of my spine. “Have you considered that maybe they’re only so overwhelming because you’re so determined to fight them?” he asks.

I frown, puzzled. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

His touch disappears, and the bed beside me dips under his weight as he sits. “Well, you’re so uptight about analyzing what you’re feeling all the time and resisting every desire and shying away from anything that makes you feel something. Would it really be so terrible to stop trying to decipher your feelings, and just…feel them instead? To just accept them and let them happen for once? I think it’d be a lot easier.”

I think about this. “Interesting theory. I never really considered it. You don’t find it…weak to give in to your desires?”

He shrugs. “I mean, you can’t give into all of them. You can’t kill someone just because you want to, or…I don’t know…bite people. But a hug, Cas? Is there really something wrong with letting yourself have a hug when you want one? Or telling someone that you need help? Think about it this way: you’re only human for a short amount of time. Why not spend it trying to experience being human, instead of being an angel trapped in a human body? Just let go for once. I promise, it’ll be okay.”

I sigh. “Well, when you put it like that…but how am I supposed to know which desires are okay and which aren’t?”

“You just…know,” he says. I look at him doubtfully, and he sighs. “Alright, if you don’t know you can ask me, okay? But I really think you’re making this harder on yourself than it has to be.”

I nod slowly. “I guess I could try.”

He smiles. “Okay then. We’ll be here to help. Just one condition.”

I frown. “What?”

"No more hiding things from us,” he says, his tone firm but not angry. “We can’t help if we don’t know what’s going on, okay?”

I nod. “Okay. I promise. And Sam?”

“Hm?”

I hesitate for a moment before hugging him quickly. “’Thank you. For everything.”

He chuckles, and I feel the vibration in my chest. “Sure thing, buddy,” he murmurs, carefully hugging me back. “And I’m glad you’re embracing your feelings and stuff, but maybe warn someone before you do that next time.”

“Right,” I mutter, starting to release him.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t let go. “Cas? I don’t mind if you want to stay there.”

I nod, relieved. “Okay. Can I help you with your research?”

“Sure, if you want. Actually, that might be helpful. Do you know anything else about Karael?”

I shrug. “Maybe. What are you looking for?”

“Well, I was kind of hoping to find a description of what he can do as far as demons go. You said he has some influence over them, right?”

I nod. “It’s wasn’t like he could control them exactly, more like they feared him. But I think now he’s gotten more powerful. I think he’s using the demons to do his dirty work. They seemed to wait on his orders for everything, from what I could tell.”

“Huh. So he’s stepped up his game. Maybe he got tired of working behind the scenes. Still no word on what he was experimenting for, huh?”

“I could try…” I start.

Sam shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I know it’s probably very painful to remember. If anyone understands, it’s me. Don’t worry about it.” He pauses. “Has anything else slipped through?”

I shrug. “Just some little things. Mostly memories of what they did. Nothing important.”

“You know, if you ever wanted to talk about it, we’re here,” he says.

“I know,” I assure him. “Honestly, I don’t think I have anything cohesive enough to talk about yet. But thank you. I’ll let you know if anything worth talking about comes through.”

He nods, returning to his book as I lean against him, searching through another one. Now that I’m finally comfortable, the exhaustion hits me harder than usual, and it isn’t long before I’m struggling to keep reading. Sam looks over at me. “You can sleep if you want, you know.”

I shake my head. “No…I’m fine,” I mumble, even as my head finds his shoulder.

He chuckles softly. “Whatever you say.”

  

* * *

 

**SPOV**

 

When Dean returns, Cas is fast asleep against my shoulder. “Hey,” I murmur, careful not to wake him. “How was shopping?”

He rolls his eyes. “Wonderful as always.” His eyes fall to Cas, and there’s a slight edge of worry in his eyes. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, actually I think he’s better than he’s been in a long time. We had an…interesting day.”

He watches the angel for a moment. “He’s…actually relaxed. Did you drug him or something?”

I laugh. “No, actually. He’s been hiding the fact that he was in pain from us, until this morning when his body finally rebelled against him and he couldn’t hide it anymore.”

“Again?” he asks.

I shrug. “Old habits, I guess. Anyway, when I figured out what was going on I helped him out, and we had a good talk. I think he’s starting to get it.”

“Huh. Who knew you’d be the one to crack him,” he says.

I nod. “Tell me about it. At first he didn’t even want me to touch him. Actually hurt himself in the process of pulling away from me. But I started talking to him, and I realized it wasn’t me. He was just scared. Did you know angels don’t experience physical contact beyond violence? Like, ever?”

He frowns. “Isn’t that a fun fact of the day? It’s kind of sad, actually.”

“Yeah. He just didn’t know what to make of it. But I asked him to trust me, and he finally did. I mean, reluctantly at first, but I think he gets it now; that I care about him too.”

“Look at you making friends,” he teases.

I shove him lightly. “Shut up. It’s just nice to be a part of the club once in a while.”

He laughs. “Hey, I get it. It’s not easy to gain the trust of the angel brigade. You’re happy, he looks pretty happy, so I’m happy. Did you find out anything else about Karael?”

“Just that when he was on the God squad, he couldn’t control demons per se, but he somehow intimidated then into doing what he wanted. Despite that impressive ability, he seems to be considered a second-tier angel. He’s barely even mentioned anywhere.”

Dean nods thoughtfully. “Maybe he got tired of being a second-class citizen and decided to go where he could be top dog.”

“Yeah. We think he might have been spending this time honing his skills, and now he’s using demons to do his dirty work.”

“Great,” he sighs. “Just what we need, a jealous demon king. Any word on what he’s experimenting for?”

I shake my head. “Nothing yet. I don’t want to push him on it. You saw what happened last time, and that time we weren’t even asking him to recall an actual moment of torture. He says bits and pieces are coming back, though. So I guess we’ll just wait.”

“We still have to find the bastard anyway. So how is he doing, health-wise?”

Cas stirs for a moment, pressing closer, before snoring again. “He’s doing pretty well. I’m going to take a look at the knife wounds later; I think they should be just about healed up. He stretched his bad wing a little today. He said it didn’t hurt at all, so that’s a good sign. I’m going to keep the bones immobile for a little longer, just to be safe, but once we loosened his back up he seemed to be doing a lot better. I’m going to check it every few days to make sure it doesn’t tighten up like that again.”

“It was that bad?” he asks.

I nod. “He had spasms so bad he was on the floor, Dean. He’s lucky he didn’t hurt himself even worse.”

“Well damn. Alright doctor Sam, whatever you think will help. You seem a little occupied, so I’m going to go start on dinner.”

“Okay. And Dean?” He turns to look at me over his shoulder, and I grin. “Don’t worry; he still loves you the most.”

He scowls. “Shut up. Jerk.”

“Bitch,” I call after him.

I return to my book until Cas begins to stir again. He blinks up at me, puzzled. “Sam?” he murmurs.

“Hey Cas. How are you feeling?”

“Good,” he mumbles, rubbing his eyes and yawning. “Really good.” He pauses for a minute, thinking. “Did I fall asleep on you?”

I chuckle. “Yeah, but I don’t mind. Did you sleep well?”

He considers it. “Yes, actually. No dreams. Usually I have at least one or two.”

“Well that’s good news then. Any pain?”

He shakes his head. “None at all. It’s refreshing. Did Dean ever come home?”

“Yeah, he’s making dinner. Or burning it, more likely.”

“We should probably check on him,” he murmurs, but makes no attempt at getting up.

“You think so?” I ask.

He chuckles. “Probably, but you’re comfortable.”

I laugh. “Thank you. It’s one of my many talents. Come on, let’s go make sure he doesn’t burn the bunker down.” He nods, getting up with barely any assistance. I follow a step behind him, noticing how much better he’s walking now that he’s not in pain.

In the kitchen, Dean turns, smiling. “Hey, I heard you were feeling better today.”

Cas nods. “Much better.” Something catches on fire, and Cas turns to look at it. “Is that supposed to happen?” he asks.

“Of course it’s supposed to happen,” Dean insists. “Why would it happen if it wasn’t supposed to?”

A brief smile flashes across Cas’ face. “Maybe you should let us handle that?” I suggest.

“Alright, if you think you can do better, be my guest. I’m going to work on…something else.”

“Do you need help?” Cas asks him.

“No, that’s alright. Besides, I need you to watch out for Sammy,” Dean grins. “Make sure he doesn’t burn the house down, will you?”

He laughs, and I shove him. “Jerk.”

“Bitch!” he calls over his shoulder, disappearing down the hall.

“Alright Cas, let’s see what we can salvage here.”

“I don’t know how to cook,” he points out.

“Yeah, but neither does Dean, and he manages it sometimes. Don’t worry, I’ll show you.”

He nods, watching carefully and dutifully performing the simple tasks I assign him. Together, we manage to make something edible out of whatever Dean was attempting. Cas sets the table, glancing up at me as a crash sounds down the hall. “Do you think he’s okay?”

I shrug. “It’s Dean. Is he ever okay? Why don’t you finish up and I’ll go get him?” he nods, and I go into Dean’s room to find him fighting with a bed frame. “Dinner’s ready. How’s it going?” I ask.

“Fine. I’m almost done. I’ll be there in a minute.”

I nod, returning to Cas, who frowns. “Don’t worry, he’s coming,” I assure him.

“What is he doing?” he asks.

I hesitate. “Redecorating,” I answer finally.

Dean joins us, and Cas seems more surprised than anyone that what he’s made actually tastes good. After dinner, Dean disappears again, and Cas yawns. “Do you think I’ll ever not be tired?” he asks.

“I wouldn’t worry about it. You had a busy day. Do you want to go lie down?”

He thinks. “Unfortunately, yes.”

I help him up, walking him down the hall. He starts going into his room, but I hold onto his arm. “Cas? This way.”

He frowns, confused. “But…my room is here.”

“Yeah, I know. Just come here for a moment.”

He nods, following me into Dean’s room, where Dean is sitting on one of three beds in the center of the room. The angel looks around for a moment. “I…don’t understand,” he murmurs.

“Well,” Dean explains, “I was thinking that sleeping at the end of my bed every night can’t really be comfortable, and since you refuse to just ask to stay here, we thought it would be easier to just pretend you’d asked and move your bed.”

“But…why?” Cas asks.

I shrug. “It makes you feel better, and it’s not forever. But we know you’ve been kinda freaked out lately. So if this helps for now, then why not?”

Cas stares at Dean for a moment before hugging him tightly. Dean looks over his shoulder at me, raising an eyebrow, and I shrug, chuckling before Cas releases him to hug me instead. “Thank you,” he murmurs.

“Sure. Why don’t you sit down for a minute? I want to look at those knife wounds.”

He hesitates, but nods, and I carefully remove the bandages. Though still red, and with the tail-end of a stitch poking out the end, the slashes seem to have healed for the most part. “What do you think?” Dean asks.

“I think they look really good.” I look up at Cas, who has his eyes shut. “Cas, it’s okay, you can look. You’re fine.”

Slowly, one eye opens, then the other, and he hesitantly looks down at his chest. “Oh.” He runs his fingers lightly over the red mark left over from the wound. “I thought it would be worse. You really did know what you were doing?”

I laugh. “Did you think I didn’t?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I thought you were just trying to make me feel better.”

“I kind of was at first. But I do know a little bit about fixing things. It comes in handy in our line of work.”

“When did you learn all that medical technique?” he asks curiously.

I shrug. “When we were kids. Dean was always too squeamish, and Dad was usually the one hurt, so it was my job. Dislocated shoulders, broken bones, stitches. I did a lot of reading.”

“He was a loser,” Dean cuts in.

“But,” I continue, “I kind of liked it too. It made me feel like part of the team. It was something important that I could do.”

He nods thoughtfully. “Well thank you.”

“Any time.”

He smiles a little. “I know.”


	4. Shades of Grey

**DPOV**

I wake up to a scream in the middle of the night. When I look over, I see that Sam has jolted awake too, and that the sound is coming from Cas, who’s sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, clutching his head and hyperventilating. I move to one side of him, and Sam takes the other. “Cas, can you hear us?” I ask. He nods, but it doesn’t seem to make a difference.

I watch as Sam gently pulls his hand away from his head, holding it instead, pressing his other hand to the small of his back. “Easy Cas, you’re okay,” he murmurs. “It was just a dream. We’re not going to let anything happen to you. Just breathe.”

I take his other hand, realizing how hard he’s trembling. “It’s alright,” I assure him. “We’re here. You’re safe. Just calm down, okay? We’re not going anywhere.” The angel nods again, trying to quiet himself, but still small whimpers escape him with each breath.

Sam’s hand slides slowly along his spine, and I feel him relax slightly. It takes him a while, but slowly his breathing grows less tight. “I…t-think I know…what Karael was…e-experimenting for…” he whispers, still trembling a little.

“Okay,” I murmur. “We can discuss it if you want, but first you need to calm down, okay? He can’t hurt you anymore. You’re okay.”

I press closer on my side, taking over back-rubbing duties as Sam disappears for a moment, returning with a wet washcloth that he presses to the back of Cas’ neck. He turns on the light before taking his place again. Between the two of us, the angel manages to take one deep breath, then another, before slowly looking up. “I’m s-sorry,” he stutters. “Usually they’re not so bad.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Cas,” Sam assures him.

“Yeah,” I agree, “that’s what we’re here for.”

He nods slowly. “Now that he can control demons, he wants to control angels,” he says softly. “That’s why he wanted me. H-He knew I was rebellious, and…he wanted to see how long it would take an angel like me to…crack. That was his experiment.”

I sigh. “Well don’t worry. When we find that bastard we’ll crack him instead.” A hint of a smile flickers across his face, and I wrap an arm around his shoulders. “Are you gonna be okay?”

“Yes,” he nods, “I think so. It’s just…usually what comes back are bits and pieces at a time, like a face or a sound or a smell. But this was one entire memory. It was like I was really back there again. I could feel it.”

Sam nods. “I know how that is, believe me. But you’re never going back there again. We won’t let him hurt you.”

“I know,” he murmurs, almost to himself. “I know you wouldn’t do that. We’re…family. I…I trust you. Both of you.”

“Good. Come on, let’s go get you a glass of water.” He nods, sticking close beside Sam and I, sitting between us on the couch and finally relaxing. “Feeling better?” I ask.

He nods. “Yes, actually. As much as I don’t like remembering what happened, I also didn’t like not knowing. It was bad, and…difficult, but now that I know, I don’t have to wonder.”

“Good. And I promise you when we find him, he’ll pay for what he did to you.”

He smiles a little. “I know that. I really do. I understand a lot more now.”

“Yeah?” I ask. “Like what?”

He thinks for a moment. “I understand that…we’re family. And family means no one gets left behind, or forgotten.”

Sam snorts. “When did you watch “Lilo and Stitch”?” he asks.

Cas shrugs. “I got bored. It was there. But I also know that you’ll protect me. And it’s not because you think I’m weak, or that I need your protection. It’s because you want to, because you care about me. And I’ll always try to protect you too, angel or not. Because I care about you too, and that’s what families do.” He glances up. “Did I get that right? I’m still not really sure.”

I chuckle. “Yeah, Cas, that’s right. I’m glad you understand that now. So no more apologizing for needing help, right?”

He nods. “Right. Maybe. I’ll try.”

“Good enough. Are you sure you’re alright?”

He considers it for a moment before nodding. “For the first time in a while, I think I am. Or, at least, I’m going to be. Just…promise me something?”

“Sure. What is it?”

“Promise me you won’t go after Karael without me.” I was hoping it wouldn’t be that. I hesitate, and Cas frowns. “You weren’t planning on letting me be a part of the battle, were you?”

I sigh. “I don’t understand why you’d want to be. We can’t guarantee your safety if you go after him, and he could take you again. I just don’t want anything to happen to you.”

“I understand that, Dean,” he argues, “but this is my fight. I understand the risks. And if I want to put myself in danger, it’s my choice, and I think you should respect that, even if you don’t like it. It won’t be your fault if something happens.”

I look to Sam for help, but he just shrugs. “He’s right, Dean. It’s his fight. Besides, if Karael is as powerful as we think, we need him. We’ll do our best to keep him safe, but I really don’t think we can cut him out of this one.”

“Fine,” I agree reluctantly. “But if you’re joining in, we’re going to take every precaution we can, and we’ll wait until your strength is back up. It might take a while after being out of action for so long. Can we agree on that, at least?”

Cas nods. “Agreed. We’re going to need it.”

“Alright then. Think you’re ready to go back to sleep?”

He hesitates, but slowly gets up. “Are you coming?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Sam answers. “We could all use some sleep.” We follow behind him, watching him climb into bed. He stares up at the ceiling for a minute. “You have to actually close your eyes to go to sleep, Cas.”

He nods. “I know.” I watch him for another minute before sighing and sitting down beside him. He looks over, surprised. “What are you doing?”

“Trying to help. It’s usually better if you’re near one of us, right?”

He half-smiles for a moment. “Thank you.”

“Yeah. Now go to sleep, alright?”

He nods, finally settling down and closing his eyes. It’s only a minute or two before he’s snoring softly. “What are you going to do?” Sam asks quietly, careful not to wake him. “Stay up all night with him? Do you want to take shifts?”

“No,” I murmur back. “I’m only staying up for a little while, just to make sure he doesn’t wake up again. You go ahead.”

“You sure?” he asks. I nod. “Alright. Night, Dean.”

“Night Sammy,” I whisper, watching the angel beside me. He stirs, shifting a little closer. I wait until Sam falls asleep before staring up at the ceiling myself, pretending I could see right through it if I just look hard enough. “Listen,” I murmur, “I don’t know if anyone is up there. I don’t think so, but he certainly seems to believe in you. I don’t know if I can do it on my own, so if you are out there somewhere, you look out for him, okay?” There’s no response. I didn’t really expect one, but it would have been nice anyway.

* * *

**SPOV**

 

When I wake up the next morning, Dean is fast asleep, curled awkwardly around Cas. I take a picture of them before getting up and starting breakfast. Cas comes out to join me first. “Morning,” he greets tiredly. “I’m feeling fine, before you ask.”

“Morning,” I reply. “So am I. Hungry?” He nods, watching as Dean shuffles in, rubbing his neck. “Morning Dean,” I grin. “Sleep well?”

He frowns. “Fine. Why?”

I shrug, showing him the picture. “I don’t know. It looked a little uncomfortable when you were guarding Cas all night.”

He scowls. “Shut up. It helped, right Cas?” he asks. There’s no answer for a moment, and we both look over to see that Cas is fixated on something behind Dean’s shoulder. We follow his gaze to find a glowing orb floating casually in the living room. “What…”

Dean fumbles for his gun, aiming at the orb. Cas realizes what he’s going to do and attempts to stop him. “Dean, no!” he cries, but Dean has already pulled the trigger. We all watch as the bullet flies straight through the orb and buries itself in the wall. Cas grabs Dean’s arm, taking the gun from him. “Don’t!”

“Why?” Dean asks. “Cas, what the hell is in our living room?”

Instead of answering, Cas just nods back to the orb, which grows bigger before morphing into a more human shape. Dean freezes, watching it solidify and take a seat on our couch. “Good morning boys,” the man greets.

“…Cas?” Dean murmurs again.

The man on the couch smiles. “Ah, Castiel. Just the angel I wanted to see.”

Cas swallows. “Hello…Father.”

“Wait,” I cut in, “Cas are you telling us this is…God? I thought God left the building.”

Slowly, the angel nods. “He did. I guess he’s back now.”

“You’re sure?” Dean asks. Cas nods again. “I just shot God,” Dean murmurs to himself. “Wait, what is God doing in our living room?”

“Quite alright, Dean,” God smiles, waving his hand. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone’s tried. I’m here for a few reasons. I need to speak with Castiel. And you asked me to come, didn’t you?"

I frown. “When did you do that?” I ask.

Dean frowns. “I didn’t ask for a visit, I just…I asked whoever was listening to look after Cas.”

God smiles. “And I was listening. It’s a good thing you called, you know. I was concerned when dear Castiel fell off the radar.”

That was the wrong thing to say. I watch the anger rise up in Dean. “You were concerned?” he growls. “Concerned? Really? Were you not concerned when the apocalypse was going on? How about when Lucifer was walking around? Where were you then? People were looking for guidance, for help, and you were just letting the world burn because it didn’t concern you? What about when Cas was being tortured? You didn’t seem concerned then!”

“Dean!” Cas hisses, horrified. “You can’t yell at God!”

“Sure I can,” he mutters petulantly. “I just did.”

God holds his hand up. “It’s alright, Cas. When you’ve been around as long as I have, you get used to it. I understand your anger with me, Dean. And in some ways, you are right. But I did have my reasons.”

“Which were…?” Dean demands. Cas glances back at me nervously, but we both know there’s nothing either of us can do once Dean’s started.

“You know, Dean,” God muses, “a lot of people ask me questions like that. They ask why I’m not listening, how I could allow bad things to happen to good people. They’ve always asked such things, and I’ve never answered. It goes against my usual rules. But today I’m making a few exceptions, being that the nature of my business here is so important. Please, sit down.”

Cas moves first, too shocked to do anything else, and I take the seat beside him. Dean follows, but remains standing. “Why should we believe you’re God?” he asks. “You got a…business card or something?”

“You have every ward known to man on this bunker, and yet I just popped in for a chat.” Dean looks unconvinced, and God sighs. “When you were five, you fell in love with a girl named Cindy Hawthorne. She had blonde pigtails and she liked to dance, and you asked your father to put you in her dance class so that she would like you. Castiel here is the only true friend you’ve had since you were a child. The most scared you’ve ever been was-"

“Okay, stop!” Dean shouts. “I believe you, okay, just…don’t finish that sentence.”

God chuckles. “As you wish. Now, where were we? Ah, yes. Explaining. How do I put this…Sam, do you remember that nightmare you used to have about the little robot man you built when you were ten? The one where it came alive one night and tried to kill you?”

I hesitate. “I…I don’t think I remember that.”

“Yes you do. No matter. We all have creations that…get away from us sometimes.”

Dean frowns. “Wait,” he cuts in again, “Are you trying to say that the universe just… ‘got away from you’? That’s no excuse.”

“No,” God agrees. “It’s not. But it is the truth. You see, what I had envisioned for this world is not what came to be. Your kind always was rebellious, right from the start. I did it to myself, you know. Free will was my own idea. And ever since that first time, I’ve been trying to get things back on course. I tried everything, but none of it worked. After all this time, even I can get discouraged, boys. I’m not as perfect as people seem to believe. So yes, I did leave. But it was not an abandonment of this world. I could never abandon humanity completely. After all, I loved you enough to create you. It was merely to figure out what I was missing. I knew there had to be something, the key to putting the universe back on track, back to the way it was supposed to be. I just had to find it. I was not deaf to your struggles. But I did not believe there was anything I could do to fix them, either. Something was wrong. The things of my creation, the humans, the angels…they were lost, and I could not understand how to make them found again.”

I look at Cas, who shrugs. “So,” I ask, “You did leave, but it was…to figure out where you went wrong?”

“Precisely, Sam.”

“And now?” Cas interrupts, managing to shake off his shock for a moment.

God smiles. “Now, I think I’ve figured it out. And it’s all thanks to you, Castiel. You are one of my highest creations.”

Cas hesitates. “I…I don’t understand. I think perhaps you’ve confused me with someone else. I’ve never been a good angel.” I roll my eyes at Dean. Cas would be the only person in the universe to argue with God when he tried complimenting him.

God considers this. “Why do you say that?” he asks.

“Well, I…I haven’t exactly been great at following orders the way we’re supposed to,” he murmurs, embarrassed as any misbehaving child in front of their father.

“That’s true,” God agrees. “But why have you disobeyed orders?”

“I don’t know…” the angel starts.

“No,” God corrects him gently. “You do know. Think about it.”

Cas is quiet for a moment. “I suppose…it’s because I’ve learned that there are things more important than following orders.”

“That’s better. Things like what?”

“Well…” Cas looks between us for a moment. “Things like…loyalty. And family. Love.”

“Ah, there you go,” God praises softly. “Love. Something others of your kind have never understood. Tell me, who did you learn love from?”

“From Sam and Dean,” he admits. “They’ve been faced with so many things, but they’ve never stopped loving each other, no matter what happens. I felt it, just for a moment, when I pulled Dean from hell. It was faint, just a flicker, mixed in among everything else, but it was there. He wanted to go back to Sam. It was so strange, and once I’d felt it, I couldn’t put it aside. I suppose that’s what all this started. It’s taken a while, but I think I’ve grasped it.” I exchange a glance with Dean, who shrugs, clearly never having heard this before.

God nods. “You know, Castiel, when I created humanity, I did not initially ask the angels to protect them or watch over them. I only asked that they love them the way I love them. But I see now what I didn’t then. The angels had no concept of love, the way I did. They understood more concrete things: loyalty, duty, gratitude. They protected the earth, but not out of love. Out of responsibility. They did not see humanity as brothers, but as charges, as unwanted pets, things they _had_ to care for, not things they _wanted_ to. And this is where I went wrong. But then there’s you, Castiel. You yourself shared the same opinion of humanity once. But then you came here, saw the way Dean would lay down his life for Sam’s, and how Sam would do the same, and you not only understood, but you became a part of it. I think, my child, you might have a skewed sense of what makes a good angel. Your brothers seem to think it’s blind faith, following orders that makes an angel perfect, but this is flawed. It is love. And by that standard, you, Castiel, are not a good angel. You are a great one.”

Cas is quiet for a minute, seemingly frozen. I nudge him lightly. “I…thank you, Father,” he manages. “But I don’t understand what I’ve done to earn such praise. It seems to me that I’ve caused more trouble than anything else. The apocalypse, the Leviathans…I even tried to take your place.”

God chuckles. “Perhaps. You have made mistakes. You have, on occasion, been misguided, though your intentions were good. You are learning. But you have also given me hope. Castiel, you were created as all angels were. I’ve brought you back time and time again not as a punishment, as you believed, but because what you did was so remarkable, and I needed you here to keep doing it. You see, for centuries now I have believed that I created your brothers flawed beyond help. But now I see that compassion is still within them. They only need to be taught to let it out. Which brings me to the reason I’ve come. You’ve proven yourself as a guardian, and I…”

“Wait,” Cas interrupts again. “I’m no Guardian. I am only a soldier.”

“Ah, yes, I’m getting ahead of myself. Usually, an angel must have been created a Guardian. However, the usual rules never seem to have applied to you, Castiel,” God says, smiling wryly. “And when you popped out of the torture chamber after hearing Dean’s call, I realized I may be a tad late in awarding the title.”

Cas frowns. “What do you mean I popped out?”

“You don’t remember? Castiel, when Dean called you, what was left of your mangled Grace gathered itself and poofed you outside. You only got a few miles away before its strength gave out, but it was enough.”

“I…I don’t remember doing that,” Cas murmurs. “I just remember being there and then…I wasn’t.”

God nods. “Well you wouldn’t remember it. You didn’t do it, your Grace did. Your connection with Dean is as strong as any between a Guardian and their charge, perhaps even stronger. That’s what freed you. You have shown great courage and compassion, and you have guarded Dean and the others for a long time now. Most importantly, you’ve taught me that it is not always the path we start with that is the right path, and that perhaps it’s time we make a new one. So I suppose it’s only fitting that we make it official. Castiel, I am officially naming you the Guardian of Dean Winchester. But I need your help. Your brothers and sisters must be taught what you have learned if we are going to move forward together. And I see no one more qualified than you.”

Cas hesitates, thinking about it. “I don’t believe they’ll listen,” he says finally. “They don’t like me, after what I did.”

God chuckles. “Fear not, Castiel. They will listen, and we will set things right. What do you think? Are you willing to except this…promotion, of sorts?”

A smile breaks through his attempt at humility. “It would be an honor, Father, to be able to help. But…I wonder if I might make a small request?”

“I am listening.”

Cas looks over at me for a minute. “I know it’s traditional for each Guardian to have one ward, but I would like to be Sam’s Guardian as well.”

I raise an eyebrow at him, and he smiles a little, shrugging as God considers it. “Interesting. Why?”

“While it’s true my connection with Dean was forged when I pulled him from hell, I’ve been…discovering recently that my connection with Sam is equally as important. He has been exceedingly kind and helpful, and I realize now that I would trust them both with my life. Sam is my family too, and he would be just as quick to protect me as Dean would be. I would like to return the favor, if that’s alright, and I wouldn’t entrust either of them to anyone else.”

God smiles. “Very well. Once your Grace is back in order, you will be the Guardian of both Sam and Dean, as well as my new head Guardian.”

“Why don’t you just fix him now?” Dean asks.

“You know how they say I work in mysterious ways?” God asks. Dean nods. “That’s because I was never fond of answering the whys. Oh, and boys…” he grabs a piece of paper from the table, drawing a symbol on it. “You may want to get started painting these above the entrances. It’ll still keep others out, but it will allow Castiel to come and go as he pleases. As for you, Castiel, rest up. There’s a lot of work to be done, and I’ll need your help.”

“Does this mean you’re returning to heaven?” Cas asks.

God nods thoughtfully. “I think,” he says, “It’s about time we start cleaning up our messes.”

The angel nods. “When my Grace is fixed, shall I return as well?”

God considers it. “No,” he says finally, smiling. “I think you have quite enough work down here with the boys. I’ll be in touch when I need you. Oh, and Dean?”

Dean looks up, surprised. God smiles softly. “Just remember, ‘good’ is not a word written in black and white. I created shades of gray for a reason. Your breakfast is done, by the way.” I turn to look at the forgotten food, and when I turn back he’s gone.

“Well…” Dean mutters.

“Yes,” Cas replies.

Dean grins at him. “Met God, became a Guardian, and got a promotion, all before breakfast. I’d say this is going to be a good day.”

He claps Cas’ shoulder lightly before making a beeline for the food. Cas continues staring into space for a moment. “Cas?” I murmur. “You okay?”

Slowly, he nods. “I think so. That did just happen, right?”

I chuckle. “Yes, surprisingly that was real. Or we all just had a group hallucination. I appreciate what you said, you know.”

He looks over finally, smiling. “Well you and Dean both look out for me. It seems only fair that I do the same. It’s just…all those years of trouble; of a world without God…do you really think it’ll be fixed?”

“With you on the job, I’m sure it will be. Come on, let’s go get food before Dean eats it all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please remember to review if you enjoyed!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	5. Guardian

**DPOV**

“I don’t know about this,” Castiel says uneasily. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

San has decided that Cas’ wings should have healed by now, and that it’s time to free them. For someone who hates being human, Castiel is less than thrilled with the idea. Sam sits down beside him. “I’m sure,” he assures the anxious angel. “I understand why you’re scared, considering what it felt like the last time they were free, but I promise I’m not going to hurt you. Just trust me, okay?” Thought doubtful, Cas nods slowly, reaching out for my hand as San begins carefully removing bandages from him. “Alright,” he says as the last one slips away, “Moment of truth. Give them a try.” Hesitantly, the angel stretches first one, then the other wing. “How does it feel?” Sam asks.

“Surprisingly…okay. Good,” he answers, relieved as he continues to test Sam’s work.

“That’s great,” I reply. “What about the angel mojo?”

Cas considers it for a moment. “I’m…not sure. There’s something there, but it’s…hesitant. I think it’s testing the waters, so to speak.”

I nod, thinking for a moment. Slowly, I reach out, running my hand through the feathers. Cas cries out suddenly, shuddering, and I pull away. “Cas? What is it? Did that hurt?”

He shakes his head, panting for a moment. “I’m okay. It’s back. It was just a little… overzealous.”

Sam nudges me, nodding towards Cas, and I look over just in time to see patches of his feathers go white. “Um…Cas?” I murmur. “Your wings…” He frowns, looking over at them, his eyes widening as he notices the change in color.

“Is that…normal?” Sam asks.

Cas shrugs. “They weren’t always black,” he explains. “They got that way when I pulled Dean from hell.”

“Then what made them change now?” I ask.

“If I had to guess? Touched by human hands,” he murmurs. “When injured humans are fixed by a doctor, the process leaves scars behind. The same thing happens to angels, but since an angel’s wings are less physical in nature, the mark left over is a little different. Sam remade my wings with pure intentions. They couldn’t be the same after that.”

Sam looks at me questioningly, and I shrug. “So are the whole things going to turn white?”

“I don’t know,” Cas admits. “Probably not. Scars don’t spread much.” He pauses. “Does it look stupid?”

I can’t help but chuckle. “No, they look kind of cool, actually. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Cas nods, relieved, and closes his eyes for a moment, his wings disappearing. He sighs. “You have no idea how nice it is to do that again.”

“I can imagine,” Sam replies, grabbing something from the closet. “Here,” he says, holding the angel’s coat out to him. “I got the bloodstains out.”

The angel takes the article, smiling gratefully. “Thank you.” He slips it on, visibly relaxing. “Alright. Do we have any leads on Karael?”

“We’re working on some things,” I tell him. “But you don’t have to jump back in right away. You just got back together.”

Cas shakes his head. “I won’t be back together until I know Karael is gone. I have to, Dean.”

Reluctantly, I nod. Though the idea of him rushing back in makes me nervous, I know I’d do the same thing in his place. “Alright, fine, but you have to promise me you won’t go off without us.” He nods in agreement. “Okay. We’ve been following some reports of odd activity. It seems Karael and his demon squad aren’t too concerned with covering their path of destruction. Come on, I’ll show you.” He follows me to the big table map, where Sam and I have been marking angelic events. “This is where you were when you escaped. There’s been a lot of incidents along this path,” I explain, pointing it out. “A couple of screams here and there, bright flashes of light, and strange shadows coming from old barns and empty houses. We think they’re looking for you. They’ve been heading this way for a while now, but for the past few days the activity has been centered around this town, a day or two drive from here. We don’t know why they stopped and set up camp, but we’re guessing they’re trying to regroup and figure out how to find you.”

Cas nods, studying the notes carefully. “Have you found their base camp in this town yet?”

“We think so,” Sam answers, pulling up a picture. “There’s an old farmhouse a couple of miles outside town that’s been empty for years, and a few days ago people reported seeing bright flashes of light. It fits the mold, but they seem to be staying where they are for now.”

“Then that’s where we go,” the angel decides.

I frown. “Sure, but we need to figure out how we’re going to do this. You said there was a lot of demons with Karael, right? There’s only three of us, and even if your mojo is at full power, we’re outnumbered.”

Cas sighs. “We can’t wait too long. Innocent people are dying because of me. So what are we going to do?”

“First things first. We need a plan.”

He nods. “Alright. I’m going to go take a shower. You two pull up whatever information you can on their headquarters.”

He walks away, and Sam glances at me. “Does he still need to shower?” he asks.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s just used to it now. Let’s figure this out.”

When Cas returns, dressed in his usual tie and trench coat, he sits down at the table. “Okay, what are we going to do?” we go over everything we know so far and come up with a plan. “Alright then. When do we leave?”

“We probably don’t have a lot of time before they move again. How fast can you pack your bags?”

Cas picks up his angel blade, stashing it in his coat. “Let’s go.”

Sam and I grab our bags and head out to the car. “Hey Cas?” Sam asks, “How are you feeling?”

Cas frowns. “What do you mean?”

“Well, a lot has happened lately, with the whole God thing and getting your grace back. It’s a lot to take in. How are you feeling?”

Cas considers it. “Okay. Different.”

“Different?”

The angel nods. “It’s a good different, I think. The whole experience taught me a lot. I’m different. But it’s not a bad change. It’s…somewhat helpful. Does that make sense?”

Sam nods. “Yeah, it does.”

“Hey Sam?” Cas murmurs. Sam looks up at him. “I just wanted to say thank you…for everything.”

“I told you before, Cas, you don’t have to thank me. It was nothing.”

Cas shakes his head. “No, it wasn’t nothing. It made all the difference.”

“Are you two done having this touching moment?” I interrupt. “Or would you like some rose petals and herbal tea?”

Cas raises an eyebrow at me. “He’s joking, right?” he asks Sam.

“Yeah, he’s joking. Come on, let’s go find that bastard.”

Cas stays quiet for most of the ride, staring out the window. “You still alive back there Wingtips?” I ask as we get closer.

“As far as I’m aware,” he replies. “Just thinking.”

I look back at him in the rearview mirror. “Are you sure you want to be a part of this?” I ask. “You don’t have to be.”

“That’s kind of you, Dean,” he replies, “But I think I do have to be a part of it. It’s my fight, and it’s time I end it.”

“Alright then. We’re behind you. Are you ready?”

Slowly he nods, and we creep towards the barn. “Wait!” Cas says. “I have a better idea. Instead of trying to get in, why don’t we make him come out?”

“Do you really think that’ll work?” Sam asks.

Cas shrugs. “Karael is prideful. He’ll want to show his power to his followers. And a head-on fight is much easier than trying to sneak in. We just have to find a way to announce ourselves.”

Dean points his gun up into the air and pulls the trigger. Cas looks at him. “What?” he says. “I think they know we’re here.”

* * *

 

**SPOV**

There’s a shout from inside the barn; I can’t understand the words, but it sounds like an order. Demons stream out of the barn, and I tense, my hand on the knife, but they stop a few yards away. Slowly, the crowd parts for a tall man with a dangerous smile. “Castiel,” he greets as he reaches the front. “How nice of you to come see us. We’ve missed you.”

Some of the demons chuckle, and Cas frowns. “Karael. Why are you doing this?” he asks.

“You already know why,” Karael says. “You tried to do it yourself once. The only difference is that you failed where I am going to succeed.”

“There is nothing similar about you and me,” Cas mutters.

Karael grins again. “No? Did you not get fed up with being a good little soldier? Didn’t you want the power you’d been denied?”

“No,” Cas insists. “I wanted power to fix heaven. You want to destroy it. Father is back, Karael. Repent to him and you may still be forgiven. If you continue on this path, it will only end in disaster for you.”

“Father left us, brother. You know that. I’m not afraid of him like the rest of you. I know the power I deserve, and I intend to get it.”

“By torturing your own kind?” Cas asks. “By turning them all into mindless slaves, and siding with the enemy? It doesn’t have to be this way, Karael. You can stop this now.”

Karael stares at him for a moment. “And if I don’t?” he asks.

Cas glances back at Dean and I. “If you insist on continuing, I’ll have no choice but to stop you.”

We’re so focused on this exchange that Dean and I fail to notice the demons behind us until we feel cold blades pressed against our throats. Castiel’s eyes widen, and Karael chuckles. “So these are your little human pets. Sam and Dean. Do they know what a pathetic little weakling you are? The things you’ve done? I doubt it, they’re still here.” He grins, and the site of it makes my blood run cold. “Which one is Dean?” he asks. “Does he know how you screamed for him, over and over, while we destroyed your wings? While we snapped them like twigs and cut into you, over and over…” A little shiver runs through Cas, who looks at me with wide eyes, and I can tell that his memories are getting the best of him. I give him an encouraging nod as much as the blade at my throat allows and mouth the word breathe, smiling a little as he obeys. Dean lets out a growl at Karael’s words, and the angel’s eyes settle on him. “Something to say, Dean?” he asks.

“You son of a bitch,” Dean mutters. “I swear to the heavenly father himself if he doesn’t kill you, I will. You’ll pay for what you did to him.”

Karael’s expression hardens. “Touchy about your little winged lover, are we? You’re really in no position to be making threats, Dean. I have the power here, remember?” He pauses, looking deliberately at Cas. “Kill them both,” he orders. Suddenly, Cas switches from fear to anger, and the blade has only just pressed into my throat before it drops to the ground as every demon in sight goes up in flames instantly. Cas’ wings spread wide, and the humor slips away from Karael’s face. “Someone got an upgrade,” he murmurs.

Cas holds his hand out, and suddenly he’s gripping Karael by the collar. “For your information, Sam and Dean know everything. They’ve always been there for me, and they’ve forgiven my mistakes, because they care about me. We’re family, and family looks out for each other. That’s something you never understood. You were always so focused on yourself that you never learned how to care for others. And I feel sorry for you,” he mutters.

“Castiel, please, it doesn’t have to be this way,” Karael says quickly. “We can do this together. We can finally have the power we deserve. Come with me, and you can have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Cas murmurs. “I already have everything. Besides, you should know better than to threaten the wards of a Guardian.” He pauses. “I’m sorry, Karael. There is no other way.” There’s a bright flash of light, and when I open my eyes Cas stands alone. Slowly, he turns back to us. “Are you okay?” he asks nervously.

Dean nods. “Yeah, I think so…Are you?”

Cas considers it. “Yes, I believe so. I…wasn’t aware I could do that.” His wings flutter uncertainly for a moment before folding back and disappearing again.

“That makes three of us,” I answer. “I guess that’s what happens when a Guardian’s charges are in trouble.”

Cas nods thoughtfully. “You’re bleeding,” he says.

He reaches out, lightly touching Dean and I where the blades cut into our skin, and a warm feeling spreads out from the contact. “Thanks,” I murmur, giving him a reassuring smile as I wipe away the blood. “Sorry we weren’t more help. Although, it looks like you didn’t need much help anyway.”

Cas shrugs. “I knew I’d have to finish this myself. But it was…comforting to have you here. Thank you.” He pauses. “Can we go home now?”

Dean nods slowly. “Yeah. I mean, I guess.” Cas starts walking back to the car, and Dean looks at me. “Kind of weird having it over that fast, huh?”

I nod. “Definitely weird. But he seems…okay.” He nods, getting into the car and starting the journey home. Cas stays quiet the entire ride, not saying another word even when he enters the bunker. “Cas?” I ask, worried, “Are you alright?”

He frowns. “I don’t know.”

Dean looks up, worried. “Something on your mind?”

Cas looks at him anxiously. “I…It’s just…different. I don’t like that I put you in danger.”

“Cas, it wasn’t your fault,” Dean assures him. “We should have been paying more attention. It was a mistake on our part. But everything turned out fine. And it looks like the new title brings new powers.”

The angel frowns. “That’s another thing. I need to learn to control that. That kind of power is dangerous, especially since it seems it’s connected to my emotions.”

“You’ll be fine, Cas,” I tell him. “We can work on the power thing, but try not to worry so much. We’re here to help, remember?”

Slowly, he nods, relaxing slightly. “Okay.” He pauses. “Thank you, by the way, for calming me down before.”

“Really, Cas, you don’t have to thank me. It’s what we do.”

He looks at me doubtfully. “Still,” he insists, “I feel like it should have been the other way around. You were the one with the knife at your throat.”

I can’t help but chuckle. “Not the first time, or the last. You get used to it, actually. Besides, I had faith in you. You just needed a little reminder, that’s all. Now, let’s see what we can do about your new power-ups.” With Dean’s help, I set up a far room in the bunker with a bunch of old mannequins that were lying around. “Alright Cas, let’s see what you can do.”

Cas stares around the room for a moment before sighing. “I can’t. I don’t know how.”

Dean frowns. “Okay. Well you did it before, so what’s different now?”

“We were in danger before,” I answer. “If he’s our Guardian, maybe his powers only come out when we need him.”

Dean considers it. “It’s worth a try. What happens if you think about us being in danger?” Cas shrugs, closing his eyes for a moment, and suddenly all the mannequins burst into flames. “Well,” Dean mutters, picking up the fire extinguisher and putting them out again. “I guess we figured out how that works.”


	6. Human Nature

**DPOV**

I stay up half the night waiting for Cas’ nightmares to return, but he sleeps more peacefully than I’ve ever seen, probably too exhausted to dream. Eventually, I pass out from exhaustion myself, and when I wake up he’s gone. Sam is still asleep, and the living room is empty, so I search around the bunker for him. When I finally find him in the library, he’s mumbling to himself in Enochian. He seems a little down, but not distressed. Still, I watch him for a minute just to be sure. He finishes whatever he’s doing, pausing for a moment before murmuring “Morning, Dean,” without so much as turning around.

“Morning,” I answer. “How’d you know I was there?”

He shrugs. “I can feel you. Did you need something?”

“Um…no. I was just wondering how you were feeling.”

“You do that a lot, don’t you?” he says, as if the thought never occurred to him. “I’m okay. Thank you for asking.”

I nod. “Sure. What were you up to just now?”

He frowns for a moment, puzzled. “What? Oh. I was speaking in Enochian again, wasn’t I? I was just asking for forgiveness.”

“For what?” I ask cautiously.

“For Karael.” He looks away for a moment. “It needed to be done, but that doesn’t mean I felt good about doing it.”

I nod, clapping his shoulder lightly. “Yeah. I know how that is. But you did the right thing.” He nods a little, though I don’t think he believes me. “Well, I was just going to start breakfast. You hungry?”

He shrugs. “Not particularly.”

“Okay then…I’ll be in the kitchen.” I turn towards the door, trying to figure out why something feels wrong here.

“Dean!” Cas calls out suddenly.

I turn to face him again. He hesitates for a moment, then suddenly hugs me tightly. Puzzled, I pat his back lightly, and a sound almost like a groan escapes him. He freezes, clapping his hand over his mouth and looking up at me with wide eyes. “Cas? What’s wrong? What was that?”

He shakes his head, pulling away. “I…nothing. I just…I didn’t realize…It’s nothing.” He pants slightly, flushed.

“Cas, are you…blushing?”

“No!” he mutters defensively. “I’m telling you, it’s nothing.” I don’t believe him, of course. Cas is possibly the worst liar in the universe. But I can’t ignore his strange behavior any longer. Instead, I reach out, pulling him closer again. “Dean…” he whines softly. I ignore him, lightly pressing my hand against his back. He goes still, his breath hitching.

“I’m not letting you go until you tell me what’s going on.”

He hesitates. “It just…surprised me. I didn’t realize it would still happen after I was healed.”

“Are we talking about the whole wing thing?” I ask. “Why would you try to keep that from me? I already know about that.”

He shakes his head. “No. I mean, yes. Partly. But it’s not just the calm thing. It’s…I’m finding I enjoy being in close proximity to you. More than I thought I did. And when you touch where my wings would be, I get this feeling…”

He trails off, and I raise an eyebrow at him. “Is it a bad feeling?” I prod.

“I suppose that depends on your point of view,” he answers carefully. “To me, it’s definitely a good feeling.” He pauses, then nods to himself. “Definitely good.”

“Then why are you freaking out about it so much?” I ask.

Cas frowns. “I…thought it would make you uncomfortable. I didn’t want to upset you.”

I sigh, releasing him, but he doesn’t move away this time. “Cas, I’m not mad at you. It’s fine. I like being around you too. It probably feels kind of different to you, and I know you’re not used to it, but it’s alright.”

“Really?” he asks hesitantly.

“Really. Honestly, we’ve gone through worse than that. It’s not like I mind having you around. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. You have to learn to relax once in a while. Just take it easy, okay?”

He nods, a small smile breaking his serious expression. “Okay.”

“Okay. Good.” He nods again, stepping back a little and walking past me towards the living room. He lies face down on the couch, sighing softly. I watch him for a minute, then grin, coming up behind him and pressing my hands against his shoulder blades again. He gasps, a shudder running through him.

“Dean…”

I chuckle. “Yes, Cas?” I ask innocently.

“I know you know exactly what you’re doing. Why do you insist on teasing me?” The last part comes out like a whine.

“Because it’s fun,” I laugh. “It’s seriously that strong a feeling?”

He looks over his shoulder, giving as much of a glare as he can muster while blushing furiously. “Yes,” he says sharply. “They’re not used to being touched at all. You’re the only one who’s ever done that. And Sam, I guess, but that’s different.”

“Why is it different?” I ask.

He sighs. “Because it doesn’t happen when he does it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know!” he answers, exasperated. “It just only happens with you. And if you keep doing that you’ll…” He stops.

I raise an eyebrow at him. “I’ll what, Cas?”

“Nothing.”

I chuckle. “You know I have to find out now, right? I’m a sucker for the big red button.” He groans again, but it cuts off in a sharp breath as I lightly run my hands over his shoulders again, watching as the enormous black wings unfurl over the edge of the couch. “Huh. So that’s what’ll happen if I keep doing it.”

 

* * *

 

**CPOV**

I hide my face in a throw pillow, just barely holding back the overwhelming urge to whimper as another shiver runs through me at the feeling of Dean’s fingers moving over my wings. He sighs, but doesn’t stop playing with the feathers. “You know,” he says, “If there was a medal given out for being the absolute worst at feeling good, you’d win every year. You just look like you’re in pain. What happened to all that ‘embracing your humanity’ shit you and Sam were talking about a few weeks ago? Just because you’re fully charged now doesn’t mean that’s all gone. Most people enjoy feeling good.” I frown, considering it. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m going about this all wrong. He makes a face. “Don’t tell me you never considered trying to enjoy it.” I shrug. “Okay,” he says after a minute. “Sit up. We’re going to experiment.”

I hesitate, sitting up slowly. “Experiment…with what?”

“You, stupid. Just trust me.” He reaches over to the remote, turning the TV on before wrapping an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer. He tosses the remote into my lap. “Find something interesting to watch.” I raise an eyebrow at him, but he doesn’t say anything else, so I turn my attention to the TV, flipping channels. Slowly, his fingers move along my wings again, and I freeze. “Don’t mind me,” he says casually. I turn my attention back to the TV, trying not to pay attention. Slowly, the contact increases, and another shudder runs through me. “You don’t have to fight it so much, Cas,” Dean murmurs. “Just try relaxing for a minute. I doubt it’ll be as horrible as you think.”

“Well…I suppose I can try,” I answer. Cautiously, I lean into his side, my head falling under his collarbone. The steady beat of his heart under my cheek is oddly comforting, and a soft sigh escapes me.

“What?” he asks.

“I can hear your heartbeat,” I murmur. “I like it. It’s very…human.”

Dean chuckles softly. “I’d hope so. So, is it really terrible to relax for once?”

“No,” I admit. “It’s not terrible. Actually, it’s nice.” He continues to toy with the feathers, and the feeling is…not unpleasant. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to enjoy it. Just for a moment. The longer he goes, the more I find muscles that I hadn’t realized I’d clenched starting to release as the warmth spreads from my wings through the rest of my body. I can almost feel Dean’s grin as I relax, his shoulder gently nudging me closer. I obey his light coaxing, pressing closer against his side. “You always thought I didn’t like to be touched.”

He chuckles. “Well, you didn’t. Not for a long time. Actually, probably not until you stumbled in here all bloody and grabbed onto me for dear life.”

I can’t help but cringe, remembering how we ended up here. It’s true, though. That was the first time I willingly sought contact. “It wasn’t so much that I didn’t like it,” I admit. “It was just uncomfortable before. It was too unfamiliar. The night I came here was the first time I really wanted it. I still don’t like it from most people. But from you, and Sam…it’s not so bad anymore.”

I can feel his breath against the back of my neck as he laughs softly. “Well, that’s about as close to liking something as you’ll admit to, so I’m glad you don’t hate it anymore.”

I smile a little. “I don’t hate it. You, on the other hand…”

I look up at him, and he rolls his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I know. I don’t usually like it either. But that’s different. I was trained that way. When you’ve been hunting as long as I have, you realize that letting someone touch you is really just giving them the opportunity to hurt you. Not for you, maybe. But for us lowly humans, that’s just how it is.”

“So why do you let me do it?” I ask curiously.

He shrugs. “I don’t believe you’d hurt me.”

I think back to everything we’ve been through. Uriel, Naomi, Crowley, the Leviathans… “I don’t know how you can say that. I’ve hurt you plenty of times.”

He chuckles softly. “What, that? That was nothing. I trust you.”

“Okay.”

Slowly, I relax further against him. His fingers comb through the soft feathers at the base of one wing, and a low moan escapes me before I can stop it. I look away from him, trying to hide the hot blush creeping over my face. The steady rhythm of his fingers hiccups for a moment. “Cas?” he asks softly. “Is it, like, a…sexual thing? Is that why you thought I’d be mad?”

“No!” I mutter quickly, the blush somehow worsening at the thought. “It’s not…I mean, angels don’t…It’s…complicated.”

He makes a soft noise, but he doesn’t seem upset, his fingers continuing to stroke along the feathers steadily. What does that mean? “Do you think you could try explaining it?” he murmurs.

I look up at him, expecting to see revulsion, but finding only honest curiosity. “Well…It’s not so much a…sex thing, usually. It just…it means something special for angels. I told you that an angel’s wings are a direct line to Grace, and are therefore sensitive and significantly vulnerable. As an angel, allowing another being to touch your wings is a sign of great trust and respect. It’s…uncommon for most angels to trust another person enough to allow it. And on the other end, it’s usually indicative of…affection. It’s a very deep kind of connection, which can manifest as a highly pleasurable feeling. I apologize if the sound made you uncomfortable. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I was just…”

“Relaxed,” he finishes. I blush again, nodding slowly, puzzled by the slow grin and expression of wonder that moves across his face. “It’s okay. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable. It’s kind of cool, actually. I’m glad you can relax like that around me.”

I smile, relaxing into his side again. “I’m glad too.” I think for a moment, wondering if our bond changed anything in him the way it did in me. I reach up, lightly pressing my fingers to the approximate spot of the handprint on his arm. Dean yelps, jerking away, and I hear his heartbeat speed up.

“What the hell was that?!”

“Did that…hurt?” I ask cautiously.

He takes a breath, shaking his head. “No. It…it didn’t hurt. It just…felt weird.” His voice cracks in the middle of the last word, and he frowns, uncertain.

I sit up a little more, watching him carefully as I slowly reach out towards the mark again. I hear his heartbeat grow faster again as I pause just before my fingers make contact, waiting for his slight nod before spreading my hand over the mark. Dean sucks in a breath, gasping slightly, and he watches me with wide eyes. He doesn’t say anything for over a minute, just stares at me, which might be the longest he’s ever been speechless. “Dean?” I ask softly. “Is this…okay?”

After a long moment he nods a little. “Y-Yeah,” he whispers back. “I think so.”

I frown at the sudden change. “Are you…certain? I won’t do it again if you don’t approve. I was just…experimenting.”

He grins suddenly, a breathy chuckle escaping him. “No, no. It’s okay. I…approve. I just didn’t realize…that’s what it feels like to you?”

I shrug. “Well I can’t say for sure, being that I haven’t felt it from your perspective. But considering your reaction, I assume so.”

“Huh. Interesting.”

His fingers resume tracing light patterns through my feathers, lightly coaxing me back into my original position, tucked securely against his side. It’s surprisingly comfortable, and the constant motion of my mind starts to calm as I relax further. I lightly trace the outline of the mark with my fingertips, and I feel Dean’s breath hitch again, the hand in my wing twitching and giving a light tug, pulling a low whine from my chest that I can’t be bothered to be embarrassed about. I get so lost in it that everything else is blocked out for a moment, until the squeak of a shoe against the floor startles us both. I look up to see Sam, frozen a few steps from the door. He goes red like he’s embarrassed, though I can’t imagine what for. “Morning Sam,” I greet cheerfully. Dean’s breath stutters a little, the temperature of his skin rising rapidly, though the cause is difficult to determine at the moment. I make a mental note to ask him if he’s feeling alright later.

“Uh…morning, Cas.” He gives a short nod. “Dean. I’m just, uh…just going for a run. Didn’t mean to disturb your…thing. Sorry. I’ll…see you in a few hours, then. And, uh…you can go back to…whatever it is you’re doing. Bye!”

He bolts out the door before I can respond, and when I look back at Dean he’s trying desperately to cover his bright red face. I frown, trying to figure out what’s wrong. “Dean?” I ask quietly. “Are you…embarrassed?” There’s an odd little twinge in my chest as I ask.

He peeks out from between his fingers, and he must notice something in my expression, because his own softens. “No Cas. I’m not embarrassed of you or anything. I just…I’m not sure Sam really understood what was going on. I think he might be missing some information.”

Puzzled, I try to imagine how a mix up is possible. Clearly, the only thing happening was two people enjoying a particularly strong bond. I don’t see how that could possibly…unless…my thoughts drift back to Dean’s question. “Is it, like, a sexual thing?”

He’d asked after I’d made that odd sound for the first time. The sound I’d made again just before I’d noticed Sam. “Oh,” I murmur. “Oh. He thinks we were…I see why he was embarrassed, then. He thought he interrupted…”

Dean nods slowly. “Yeah, I think so.”

“Perhaps we should go find him and explain, then,” I suggest.

“I think it’s okay, Cas,” he replies. “We can wait and talk to him when he gets back.”

I nod. “If you think that’s best.” I pause, gathering the courage to ask a new question. “Dean?” I murmur.

“Hm?”

I hesitate. “What if…”

* * *

 

**DPOV**

“What if what, Cas?”

The angel takes a deep breath. “What if he…might have been…right?”

I pause for a moment, trying to calm the alarm that’s ringing in my head. “Right about what? Didn’t you just say that it wasn’t like that?”

“Well, yes…angels don’t participate in that sort of behavior the way humans do. And most of the time it is exactly what I described to you. But they do have a mating ritual that, I believe, incorporates wings.”

“You don’t know for sure?” I ask curiously.

He shrugs. “I’ve never participated. It’s very rare, and very private. It only occurs between soul mates. And…I have heard stories of angels in human vessels occasionally adopting the sexual tendencies of their vessels…” He refuses to look at me, but I can still see the blush as it creeps up the back of his neck.

“Cas, are you trying to tell me that touching an angel’s wings could, potentially, be a sexual act?” He doesn’t answer right away, which is how I know I’m right. This information interests me more than it probably should. Cas’ stay at the bunker forced me to really consider my own feelings, and as much as I hate all that girly stuff that Sam is always trying to get me to talk about, it did help. It took a long time, but I’ve finally accepted my feelings for him. I’d also decided not to tell him. Cas has issues with even simple emotions, so putting all of that on him wouldn’t be fair, especially considering he’s never shown any interest in anything like that. So I decided to just be happy with the friendship and trust that he’s willing to offer. But now, the fact that he’s telling me all this makes me think he might be trying to say something else.

“I don’t know,” he murmurs finally. “I don’t have anything to compare it to.”

A laugh escapes me before I can stop it. “Seriously? You’ve been in a human vessel for this long, and you’ve never even tried? Just to see what it’s like? You’ve never been curious?”

He only goes redder. “No,” he says sharply. “Well…I was curious for a time. But it passed. Lust is a sin, Dean.” He sounds almost disappointed.

“But love isn’t,” I point out. Cas freezes, staring up at me with wide eyes while I realize what I said. Well, so much for not telling him. His wings flutter uncertainly, pulling closer to his body, and his mouth opens and closes several times, but nothing comes out.

“That would imply the addition of an…intimate partner,” he manages after a moment.

I run through a quick list of options in my head. I could try to turn it into a joke or be sarcastic to throw him off, but maybe this is a good thing. Maybe he should know. “Yes, it would,” I answer quietly. There. That doesn’t push him one way or the other.

He considers this answer, analyzing every word, I’m sure. “Dean…”

To hell with patience. “Cas, don’t worry about it. No pressure or anything. Nothing has to be different. I’m just saying…”

Before I can figure out how to end that sentence, Cas shifts up to his knees, cautiously leaning close and pressing his lips softly to mine. I’m too shocked to do anything at first. When I’ve finally wrapped my head around this enough to respond, I take Cas by the shoulders, gently pushing him back a little. He’s panting softly, his face red, watching me cautiously like he thinks I might throw him out. He looks somehow both aroused and scared. It’s a look I recognize from the time I set him up with a prostitute. The memory almost makes me laugh, and I have to bite it back. Knowing Cas, he’d think I was laughing at him and run away before I can explain. “Sorry,” he mutters, swallowing nervously.

“Don’t be,” I answer, leaning forward and kissing him softly again. Though he’s surprised, he responds eagerly, his wings starting to flap a little behind him.

After a minute, he pulls back. “Dean, this…We can’t…”

I shush him gently. “You want to, don’t you?” I ask.

“Yes,” he admits, “But Dean, you aren’t attracted to men.”

I can’t help but laugh at that, and he frowns, tilting his head to the side slightly in confusion. This was something I argued over and over in my head when I’d first acknowledged my feelings for him. “You’re right,” I tell him. “I’m not. But you’re not a man, are you?”

“Well…no, not technically,” he answers. “But my vessel…I suppose I could get a new one…” he mumbles to himself.

“Don’t you dare,” I interrupt. “It wouldn’t be you.”

He hesitates. “But Dean, I want you to be happy.”

I chuckle softly. “Cas, I am happy. I have you. Don’t worry about that, okay? Just…let me deal with it.”

“Okay,” he agrees. Slowly, he smiles. “Dean? Would it be appropriate if I kissed you again? It was…rather enjoyable.”

“You don’t have to ask, Cas. But I’ll do you one better. Do you trust me?”

Cas raises one eyebrow at me. “Of course I do. Why do you ask?” Instead of answering, I take his hand, pulling him up off the couch. “Where are we going?” he asks.

I grin as I pull him into my room. “To do more experimenting.” Closing the door behind us, I coax him onto the bed, sitting down beside him. “Are you sure about this, Cas?”

He nods slowly. “Are you?”

“Very sure. You can stop me at any time, okay?”

He smiles a little. “I’m not afraid of you, Dean.”

“Good.”

I lean forward again, kissing him softly and capturing his bottom lip between my teeth, tugging gently. His breath stutters as I release it, running my tongue lightly over it. “D-Dean…” he manages while I plant soft kisses along his jaw, “What is the p-purpose of this experiment?”

I chuckle, pulling back enough to look at him. “To show you what you’ve been missing.”

“Oh…”

He whines softly as my lips trail down to the soft spot over his pulse, and he tilts his head further to make it easier. “Look, we already found something you like,” I chuckle, nipping at it lightly. The only answer is a quiet gasp. I continue along his collarbone and down his chest, pushing him back and straddling his waist, occasionally leaving dark love bites scattered across his skin. I watch his face carefully as he gives in to the sensation, his eyes closing as he tips his head back against the headboard, one of his hands tangling in my hair. Quickly, I move back up, nipping lightly at the base of his throat and chuckling at his shiver. His fingers scrape uncertainly at the hem of my shirt, and I lean in to kiss him softly again. “Cas, what are you trying to do?”

He frowns in frustration. “I don’t know…I just…I want…” he whines again, trying to figure out the right words through his lust-induced haze.

I have to smile at his endearing struggle. “Okay. Try not to think so much. Just relax. We have time.” I pull my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor and waiting patiently while he processes it. All-powerful angel or not, apparently intimacy turns Castiel into a nervous teenager. His hand twitches a little.

“Would it be alright if I…I mean, would you mind…” I chuckle softly, taking his hand and pressing it to my chest.

“Relax, Cas. It’s okay.” He nods, his fingers lightly tracing along my collarbone and the lines of my tattoo. I sit back on my knees as he sits up to explore. Slowly, he leans in, pressing a soft kiss to my shoulder. I run my hand through his already messy hair, letting it rest lightly at the back of his head. Encouraged, his head dips lower, his tongue swiping lightly over my right nipple. My fingers tighten in his hair, and he grins, kissing over my tattoo before moving down to the other side. I hum softly, running one hand down his spine as the other brushes along the top of one wing.

“This part is fun too,” he murmurs, grinning up at me.

I smile, kissing the spot behind his ear as I coax him back against the bed, leaning over him. “And we haven’t even gotten to the best part.” I shift lower, sliding my hand down along his side and then across the front of his pants. He doesn’t seem to have noticed his erection straining against the fabric, but his mouth falls open when I palm his cock, a low moan escaping him. I chuckle, pressing soft kisses above the waistband. “Can I take these off?” I murmur softly. He blushes all the way up to the tips of his ears, but nods, raising his hips off the bed to let me tug his pants and boxers down. He tenses a little, embarrassed of his sudden exposure, and watches me cautiously. I smile, stroking his cheek gently. “It’s okay. I’ll deny it if you ever tell anyone I said this, but…you’re beautiful, Cas.” He blushes deeper, but smiles and relaxes a bit. “Let me take care of you, alright?”

He nods, closing his eyes while I plant soft kisses along his hips and thighs. They fly open again when my hand wraps around his steadily growing erection, stroking slowly. A whimper escapes him as he watches, fascinated. “Dean…” he whispers, low and reverent, like a prayer.

“I know,” I murmur back. “Just relax.” He nods, panting softly as he slowly comes undone at the sensation. I have another idea, and though it’s not something I ever thought I’d do, the temptation of seeing him fall apart is too much to resist. I may not have experienced it from this end before, but I know enough. At least, I think I do.

I continue my slow stroking for another minute before wrapping my lips around the head of his cock, sucking lightly. Huh, not as weird as I thought. Cas cries out, his back arching, and he gasps out something rushed that sounds suspiciously like “JesusfuckingChrist.” He clamps his hand over his mouth, and I can’t help the fit of hysterical laughter that escapes me at hearing those words leave his lips.

“Don’t worry Cas,” I manage between giggles. “I’m sure he’ll forgive you for that one.”

Slowly, he joins my laughter. “Only you could pull that out of me,” he chuckles.

I grin, wiggling my eyebrows at him. “I look forward to seeing what else I can pull out of you. And what I can put into you too.”

He goes bright red, but there’s a little spark in his gaze. “I believe I would enjoy that very much.”

“So do I.”

I return to my task, watching him intently as he crumbles beneath me, his moans growing louder and more desperate. “Dean!” he whimpers. “It’s…I’m…”

I nod, leaning up to kiss him and stroking him faster with my hand. “I know. It’s okay. Let go, Cas.” He gasps, then screams my name so loudly I’m sure everyone in heaven and on earth must have heard. When he finally stops, he goes limp against the mattress, panting and trembling. I gently clean him off, then hold him close against my chest, lightly massaging his shaking body. He holds onto me tightly, like he thinks he might disappear if he doesn’t. “Shh, it’s okay,” I murmur, kissing his forehead softly. “I’m right here. You’re okay. Just breathe.”

He nods, and slowly his breathing evens out. After a minute he looks up at me. “I liked that experiment,” he murmurs, his voice still rougher than usual. “I think we need to repeat it more often.”

I chuckle, brushing his hair off of his forehead. “I agree. So it wasn’t too sinful for you?”

Cas grins. “I think it was just sinful enough. And I’m not sorry at all.”

“Good. I’m not sorry either.”

He looks up at me again. “Really?”

“Really.” I smile, watching as his eyes slowly close. “Are you…tired?”

“No,” he protests, yawning. “Not at all. Besides, I have research to do.”

I chuckle. “Research on what?”

He shrugs. “Some very important…science things.” He closes his eyes for a moment before jumping up. “Oh no! I completely forgot about…taking care of you!”

I laugh softly at his alarm. “Hey, calm down. It’s okay,” I assure him. “Next time we’ll do more. Honestly, I enjoyed watching you enjoy it way more than I ever have with anyone else. Don’t worry about me, okay?” He nods and smiles. “Okay then. You can do your research on the couch with me.”

He runs into the library, setting a stack of books on the coffee table before curling up against my side. He opens the first one, but starts to slowly sink lower until he’s in my lap, happy and relaxed. “I love you, Dean,” he murmurs, his eyes closing as I lightly rub his back.

“I love you too, Cas,” I whisper back.

By the time Sam returns, Cas is half-asleep and purring softly, curled happily in my lap. “I miss anything?” Sam asks cautiously.

I smile, looking down at the angel in my lap. “Nope. Nothing at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mwuahaha, you knew the sexytimes were coming. Remember to review!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	7. Faith

**DPOV**

All day, Cas remains entrenched in his books, sitting still and silent in a chair while Sam and I watch TV, as if he didn’t just come for the first time in his life. Actually, it seems too harsh to think of it that way. It hadn’t just been about coming. It was probably the first intimate moment Cas had ever had, and certainly a new one for me, and there he was, cool as a cucumber reading his books while I sweated like a pig, everything suddenly too warm as I run the memory over in my head, trying not to let Sam know anything is up. Occasionally, Cas would glance up, staring at me and cocking his head to the side in thought before returning to the book. I mentally curse myself for being such a girl about this. Why should I be expecting him to want to talk about it? Why do I want to talk about it? Maybe casual sex is all angels do. Hell, it’s one of my favorite pastimes. But then, why does it hurt so much to think about it that way? It doesn’t make any sense, and the longer I sit here the worse it gets. Get it together, Dean! I order myself silently. It doesn’t work, so instead I plan a quick getaway. “Gonna take a walk…be back,” I mumble, jumping up and out the door before either of them can respond. The fresh air is a nice reprieve from the stares and silence, and my head starts to clear as I walk slowly down the road away from the bunker. There’s a sudden rustle behind me, and I’m already drawing my blade when I turn around to find the one person who could possibly make this worse.

“Hey Dean-o, watch where you point that thing. You could hurt somebody.”

I glare, silently debating how upset Cas would be if I ganked his brother. “Listen douchenozzle, I’m not in the mood for your shit right now. Go away.”

Gabriel makes a face like he’s offended. “Oh, come on, is that any way to treat someone who’s trying to help?”

“The last thing I need or want is your help, you asshole,” I growl. “I’m not in the mood. I’m going to give you five seconds to flap your feathery ass out of here, and then if you’re still standing there I’m going to stab you in the fucking face.”

The archangel just laughs. “Is it that time of the month already, Dean? Is that why you’re so sentimental about your newest conquest?”

I hesitate. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, sure you do. Your little angel buddy who you just showed a good time. I have to say, I never expected that to happen. Between his naiveté and your love of macho man stereotypes and flannel, I thought you’d be stuck pining after each other forever. Well done, by the way. But now here you are, all red in the face and heartsick because he’s just carrying on with his life like it was nothing. Or is that not what’s going on here?”

I want, more than anything, to tell him he’s wrong. Actually, first I want to murder him. But that’s a close second. The only problem is, he’s not. I swallow back my hatred for a moment, stashing the blade back in my jacket. “And you think you can possibly help this situation? Gabriel, have you ever helped anyone with anything? Do you even know the meaning of helpful?”

“Hey,” he says, holding his hands up, “I swear I’m not messing with you this time. Cas has always been like a little brother to me, that odd little guy, and I want him to be happy. If that means dealing with you, then fine.” He raises an eyebrow at me. “You know what that’s like, don’t you?”

I sigh, crossing my arms over my chest. “So? What is this great wisdom that you think will help?” I grumble.

“Look, he really does care about it just as much as you do. You know him. He’s like a weird little…robot on the outside. This was something totally unfamiliar for him, and it’ll take a while for him to figure it out. You know how he is with feelings. Plus, he has no idea what he’s doing!” He pauses. “He could really use your help, you know.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Yeah, right.”

Gabriel sighs. “I’m serious, Dean. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Before he met you, he was too shy to watch human relationships closely. And think about all the relationships he’s heard about from you. One-night-stands with yoga instructors or waitresses…what do you think he took from all that?”

I think about it. “So, you’re saying he does want an actual relationship, but he doesn’t know how?”

“Doesn’t know how…doesn’t know you want one too…take your pick. All I’m saying is, you really need to talk to him.”

I snort. “You want me to be a girl and talk about feelings?”

He gives an exasperated sigh. “Look Dean-o, what you do is up to you. But if you really care about him like everyone in the known world can tell you do, put your stereotypical manly bullshit aside for a minute and just talk to him. I don’t want to see him hurt any more than you do.”

“I’ll think about it,” I concede. “Now get out of here before I reconsider putting the knife away.”

He chuckles. “Maybe you should ask him what he’s been reading,” he says, and just as soon as he appears, he’s gone. I keep walking for a while, thinking over what he said. After a while, I wander away from the road, sitting down in the grass under a tree. A few minutes later, there’s a soft flutter, and I already know who it is without turning around. “Dean?” the low, gravelly voice murmurs softly.

“Hey Cas,” I mumble back.

“Have I done something wrong?” he asks cautiously.

When I turn, his blue eyes are wide, and there’s a hint of fear in them. It’s a look I hate seeing on him, so I shift a little closer and wrap a reassuring arm around his shoulders. “No, Cas, it’s not you.” He nods, relaxing into my side a little. “I was just thinking about…everything.”

“By everything, you mean our…earlier activities?” he asks. I nod. “Do you…regret them?”

Slowly, he looks up, nervous eyes locking with mine, and it breaks my heart a little. “No! Baby, no. No, no, no. I enjoyed it very much. That’s not what I mean.”

“Then…what is it? I know you don’t like feelings, so I tried not to do anything wrong…”

I sigh, gently lifting his chin until he looks at me. “Cas, listen to me. You didn’t do anything wrong, I promise. I just…I’ve been thinking a lot, and I’ve decided that…I love you. Like, I really, really love you, and I want to have a real relationship with you. Not just sex, but one with…feelings and…terms of endearment and…hand holding, and everything else. And I know that’s kind of new to you, and it’s new for me too, and it’s not really how I usually handle this stuff, but…it’s different, with you. I can’t promise that I’ll be any good at it, but I’d be willing to try. If you wanted to, I mean. You don’t have to…”

Slowly, a smile lights up his features, and he leans in, kissing me softly. “Of course I want to,” he whispers against my lips. “I love you, Dean, more than I’ve ever loved anything. I want to try.” His arms wrap around my neck, hugging me tightly. I feel his grin against my neck. “We can still have sex though, right? In between the hand holding?”

I laugh, hugging him tighter. “You bet your life we can!”

He chuckles softly. “Okay.” He pauses. “Dean, isn’t Sam going to notice something is different?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, I guess we’d better just tell him.”

“Will he be mad?” he asks.

“I sure hope not. Only one way to find out.” He nods, and suddenly we’re back in the bunker. Sam jumps a little at our sudden appearance, his eyes zeroing in on our linked hands. “Uh…hey,” I start.

He nods. “Hey guys… Everything alright?” I nod, looking at Cas, who swallows nervously. “We actually wanted to talk to you about something.” He nods, waiting for us to go on. “Cas and I…we’re…”

A laugh bubbles up out of him. “It’s about damn time!”

Cas glances at me, perplexed, and I shrug. “So…you’re not angry?” he asks.

“Of course not!” Sam answers. “I’ve been waiting for this for years! I mean, I kind of knew this morning, but I appreciate you guys letting me know.”

“Wait a minute,” I interrupt, “how did you know this morning?”

He snorts, rolling his eyes. “It was kind of obvious, Dean. He was purring in your lap all morning. Not very subtle, jerk.”

“Bitch,” I mutter back.

Cas chuckles, leaning over me to hug Sam tightly. “Thank you.”

“Yeah, sure,” Sam says, “Congratulations. Now, you two could probably use some time, so I’m going to go out on a hunt. Shouldn’t be too bad, just a couple of days.”

“Wait, you’re going alone?” I ask, alarmed.

“Uh, no, actually,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “Gabriel is going with me.”

I frown. “That assclown is going on a hunt with you?”

“Relax Dean. We both figured you guys could use the bunker to yourself, and neither of us really want the details of what you do behind closed doors. It’s just a simple salt and burn, that’s all. I promise I’ll call you if I need any help, alright?”

I sigh, but nod. “Alright, fine. Might wanna give a call when you’re on your way back.”

He laughs. “Yeah, I’ll be sure to do that. Don’t need any more surprises.”

He picks up his bag, walking out the door, and Cas smiles up at me. “That went well, yes?”

“Yes, it did.” I pause. “Hey Cas, what have you been so busy reading all day?”

He blushes a little. “Oh, um…just some things about…human sexuality and relationships. There’s quite a lot of information, and I thought it would be good to have a basic knowledge, in case…”

I chuckle. “I suppose that would be useful. But you know, the best way to learn is through experience.”

He nods, smiling a little. “Yes. I’d heard that. Actually, I was hoping you’d assist me in another experiment.”

“Sure. Looks like we have time now. Have something in mind?”

He grins, pulling me up from the couch. “Yes, I do.” I follow him into the bedroom, surprised when I find myself pressed against the wall while Cas presses heated kisses along my jaw. “Dean,” he growls out in between, “I need to discuss something with you.”

I grin, wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling his closer. “That might work better without your lips attached to my neck.”

He groans, but nods, pulling away reluctantly. “Would I be right to assume that you’ve never pursued sexual contact with a male before?”

I feel myself blush a little. “Um…that would be correct.”

He nods seriously. “Does that make you uncomfortable?”

“I…no. I might be a little…nervous about it, but it’s okay. I trust you.”

Cas smiles, leaning in to kiss me softly. “Okay.” He pulls me away from the wall, his teeth digging into my neck as he presses me back until we both tumble onto the bed. “There’s some things,” he murmurs, “that I’m…curious about.” His fingers slide under the hem of his shirt, stroking lightly across my abs and making me shiver. “I was hoping we could both try them, and then determine their importance in future interactions.”

I laugh, pulling him down to kiss him again. “I love you. What did you have in mind?”

He hesitates. “I think it’s better if you’re surprised,” he says finally. “You trust me, right?”

I nod slowly. “Yeah, of course. Just…you know what you’re doing, right? Because I’m not really an expert in this sort of thing.”

“That’s why I was reading,” he answers, smiling sheepishly. “I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“God, I love you,” I murmur. He raises an eyebrow at my word choice, and I smirk. “No, I meant that. I want Him to know.” He laughs, tugging at my shirt until I allow him to pull it off. He quickly gets to work exploring every inch of skin with his fingers and lips, grinning to himself every time a little sound of pleasure escapes me. When he reaches my hips his fingers slip lightly under the waistband of my jeans, and he looks up at me, silently asking for permission. I nod, lifting my hips so he can slide the denim off. “Hey Cas?” I ask, “Couldn’t you just use your angel mojo to undress me?”

He nods. “Yes. But this way is more fun.”

I chuckle, but it turns into a gasp as his fingers move lightly over the bulge in my boxers. He grins, doing it again. “Cas, please…” I manage. “Just…please…” I can’t even be bothered to hate myself for begging. I just want him to touch me. His smile widens a little at that, and suddenly the fabric disappears and his hand is ohfuck stroking lightly along my shaft. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had handjobs before, but this is a horse of an entirely fucking different color. His thumb swipes quickly over the head, and I let out a breathy moan. Scratch that. This is my new favorite horse. I feel his tongue press flat against me, slowly traveling up the shaft before his lips wrap around me, and I struggle to keep myself from bucking into his mouth. As he continues to experiment with pressure and speed my breaths turn into a long and mostly incoherent string of his name mixed with every expletive I can think of as my fingers tangle in his hair, tugging lightly. His fingers run lightly along my inner thigh, and suddenly they move lower, and I freeze. “C-Cas…?” I manage.

He pulls off of me with a loud pop. “I want to try something,” he says evenly, as if he’s talking about the weather. “You know I wouldn’t hurt you, right?”

I swallow, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I know. I’ve just…I haven’t really done that before.”

He nods. “I figured as much. We don’t have to, if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, that’s alright,” I answer. I take a deep breath. “I trust you.”

He smiles, kissing my inner thigh gently while he reaches into his pocket for something I can’t see. His hand continues to stroke me lightly as he carefully coaxes my knees up and apart. His finger returns there, colder than before, and I secretly thank the Lord that he did his research. I can’t help but gasp as it circles lightly, Cas watching me intently. “It’s easier if you relax,” he murmurs. I nod, trying to focus on breathing. Slowly, the pressure increases until finally his finger passes through the tight ring of muscle. I shudder, freezing up again, and Cas stills. “Dean? Are you alright?”

I swallow, nodding. “Yeah, I think so. It’s just kind of…strange.” He nods, keeping his hand carefully still and leaning up to kiss me again. After a few minutes, the weird feeling passes, and I start to relax. Slowly, he sinks in further, and I moan loudly as his fingertip brushes against something inside me. He smirks, doing it again, grinning as I shudder. “OhfuckCas,” I whimper as his finger moves slowly in and out. He kisses me softly again, my moans getting muffled against his lips as a second finger joins the first, each small movement hitting that incredible spot and sending tremors through me. All of a sudden, I can’t seem to remember why I was hesitant to do this, because it’s awesome. His fingers twist and spread a little inside me, and I bite down hard on the space between his neck and shoulder, moaning again as a third finger slowly works inside. Cas lets out a soft moan of his own, and I growl softly. “Cas. Clothes. Now.” He nods, and suddenly his clothes are all gone, his own erection bobbing against my thigh. I reach down, wrapping my fingers around him and stroking slowly. He gasps softly, his mouth falling open at the sensation. I use my free hand to pull him closer, kissing and licking behind his ear. “Cas,” I breathe, “Did you read about anything else in that book of yours?”

His eyes widen, and he mewls as I run my thumb over the head of his cock. He nods slowly. “Yes, but we don’t have to…” he starts.

I cut him off, pressing my lips hard to his. “Please,” I whisper, ignoring the desperate tone that’s leaked into my voice. He swallows and nods, kissing a trail down my body and leaving fire in his wake. Shifting to kneel between my knees, he gently pulls his fingers free, and I whine softly at the loss. He smiles up at me almost shyly, pressing a soft kiss to my thigh as he carefully positions himself. He waits for my nod to push forward, holding my gaze and sliding smoothly into me until our hips are pressed together. My fingers twist in the sheets, a loud, long sound somewhere between a moan and a whimper breaking free from my chest at the sudden fullness and sensation. I breathe hard for a moment, every muscle tensed as I try to adjust.

Cas whispers soothingly, half in English and half in Enochian, planting soft kisses all over my face as I pant. “I’m so sorry,” he murmurs. “I know that was uncomfortable. I just wanted to get that part over quickly.”

His concern is endearing, and when I feel like I can breathe again I pull him against my chest, one hand tangling in his hair as the other runs along his spine. “I love you,” I whisper.

His expression softens a little. “I love you too. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” I nod. “It’s just…different. Give me a minute to get used to it.” he smiles, nodding, his fingers tracing light patterns over my ribs as I listen to the sounds of his heavy breaths, my muscles slowly relaxing as the discomfort eases. “Wow,” I whisper into his hair.

“Hm?” he answers.

I chuckle softly. “That feels…incredible.”

Cas grins widely. “Absolutely incredible,” he murmurs back. “Is it alright if I try to move now?”

I nod eagerly, watching his face contort with pleasure as he pulls back slightly, gasping as he presses back in. “Oh…Cas…Please,” I manage between whimpers. He falls into a steady rhythm, careful to keep his strokes smooth and deep, panting heavily.

It isn’t long before we’re both teetering on the edge. I open my eyes to find him watching me with love and admiration, and he grins as his next stroke hits exactly the right spot to make fire explode through my veins. I contract around him and he loses his thin control, collapsing against my chest, still buried deep inside. I wrap my arms around him, holding him as close as possible while tremors run through me. “So beautiful,” he whispers, his fingers lightly stroking along my skin. “You’re so, so incredible Dean. I love you.” His voice is hushed and almost reverent.

“I love you too,” I murmur, lightly combing my fingers through his disheveled hair. “So, so much. My angel.”


	8. Casual Friday

**SPOV**

With Cas busy on his new angel-training mission, Dean’s getting temperamental, so I tracked down a nest of vampires in an attempt to cheer him up. It seems to be working so far, and while we drive out to the nest I see that familiar glint in his eye. “Hey Dean?” I ask. “You’re…happy, right? With the whole Cas situation?”

He smiles in spite of himself. “Yeah. I know it’s kind of weird, and definitely not how I thought I’d end up, but…it never ends up the way I think it will anyway.” He pauses. “It seriously doesn’t bother you? I mean, I get it. It’s weird.”

I shrug. “Yeah, but I’ve always kind of known. It’s definitely not the usual for you, but you do seem happier than I’ve ever seen you. That’s what matters to me.”

He rolls his eyes. “You are such a girl sometimes.”

“Says the guy who’s in love with an angel,” I tease. He reaches over, punching me in the shoulder. “I’m serious. I’m happy for you guys. You finally have someone who knows what you do for a living and doesn’t think you’re insane.”

He chuckles. “I guess that’s true.” He parks a few blocks away from the nest. “Come on. We’ve got some bloodsuckers to behead.” We sneak through the nest, taking out vamps as we go, and Dean has this crazy sort of zeal that I haven’t seen in him since he was a teenager. When we finally make our way to the main room, we find it surprisingly empty. “This feel like a trap to you?” Dean mutters. I nod, and suddenly the room is swarming with vampires. We manage to hold them off for a while, but soon there’s just too many of them, and I lose sight of Dean when one of them slams me into a support beam, pain spreading through my back, head, and wrist where I collided with the metal. When my vision comes back into focus, I see Dean struggling in the hold of another vamp while the one who flung me across the room holds my wrists pinned behind me. Normally I’d be able to twist out of his hold, but the pain in my wrist and shoulder becomes unbearable with even the slightest pull. I can’t do anything but watch as the vamp leans closer to Dean.

“You’re a pretty one,” he smirks. “I think I might just keep you as a pet.”

“Over my dead body, you son of a bitch,” Dean spits back, struggling to escape the iron grip pinning him to the floor.

The vampire grins. “That can be arranged, I’m sure.” He forces Dean’s head to the side, sinking his teeth into his neck. “A tasty one too,” he comments. “I’m going to have to make you mine.”

He’s getting ready to bite again when he’s suddenly pulled away. At first I think it’s the concussion I suspect I have from the terrible headache I’m getting, but then Cas appears. “Don’t touch what’s mine,” he growls, holding the vamp off the ground by his shirt collar. “I don’t like to share.” Suddenly, the vamp vaporizes, along with the one behind me, disappearing into a cloud of dust. Immediately, Cas softens. “Dean? Are you hurt?”

He shakes his head, dusting himself off. “I’m fine. Go help Sammy.”

Cas nods, suddenly appearing beside me. “Sam? What hurts?”

“Everything,” I manage, blinking in an attempt to see him clearly. He frowns worriedly, reaching out and pressing his fingers lightly against my forehead. It’s like fire for a moment, followed by immediate relief. “Thanks,” I murmur, letting him help me up.

“Sammy, you okay?” Dean asks, wiping the blood from his neck.

Cas’ eyes narrow. “You said you weren’t hurt. He bit you?”

“It’s nothing Cas, honestly. I’m okay,” Dean assures him. “Though your timing, as usual, was impeccable.”

The angel reaches out again, healing the wound in Dean’s neck, before reaching out to me and transporting us both home. Dean makes a small sound of protest, and Cas disappears for a moment, then reappears. “The Impala is in the garage. Now you two, to bed, now.”

Dean raises an eyebrow at him. “Cas, we’re fine. You fixed us up. It’s okay.”

“Bed, Dean. Now.” Dean opens his mouth to argue again, but Cas’ glare leaves no room for argument, so he stomps off to his room, muttering obscenities under his breath. Cas turns to me. “You’re welcome to join us of course, Sam. I can easily move your bed if that would make you more comfortable.”

“That’s alright Cas, I think I’m just gonna take a nap in my own room. But thanks for helping us out.”

He nods. “I’ll check on you later then.”

 

DPOV

Cas appears in my room in a flutter of wings and trench coat. I’m prepared to be mad at him for ordering me to my room like I’m a child, but before I can say anything he hugs me hard, and I realize he’s trembling a little. “Cas, I’m okay. It’s okay, I promise,” I murmur, hugging him back.

He nods, slowly relaxing. “I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I didn’t mean to be rude. I was just scared. I was almost too late. If something happened to you…”

“Cas, it’s alright,” I assure him gently. “I’m fine, Sammy’s fine, we’re all going to be okay.” He sighs, nodding, and settles next to me when I shift over.

“Still, if I had been even a few seconds later…”

“You weren’t,” I interrupt. “You were right on time, and you’re even getting better at having a cool line ready. I think my badassness is rubbing off on you.”

Finally, he laughs. “I suppose so. Still, you should rest for a while, just to be safe.”

I nod, kissing his cheek lightly. “If it makes you feel better, fine. But you have to stay. How’s the whole angel training program going?”

“Better than I anticipated,” he answers. “It seems this new view of humanity has given them a new sense of purpose; something they haven’t had in a long time. It’s still slow, but they’re trying.”

I smile at his excitement. “Sounds great. It sure would be nice to have less of them dicking around and more of them being helpful.” I pause, looking up at him. “Hey Cas? I never got to thank you for looking after Sammy. I know you didn’t have to, and it makes me feel a lot better knowing you’re watching out for him too.”

He cocks his head to the side. “It only makes sense to look after him as well. While I may not love him the same way I love you, he’s been an exceptional friend to me, and I know how much he means to you.”

“Yeah, he’s a good kid, isn’t he? I’m glad I have someone else to help keep him safe now. For a long time it was only me.”

I feel his lips press against my temple. “It doesn’t have to be only you anymore. I’m here, forever.”

“I love you,” I murmur softly.

Cas wraps an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer against him. “Dean?” he asks. “Would you say that you’ve always been very in charge of most aspects of your life?”

I shrug. “I guess. I never really had a choice. When we were kids, Dad was always off hunting, and I had to be in charge. We kept most of the monster stuff from Sammy, so I was the only one who knew how to protect us. He was my little brother. I had to step up for him.”

He nods slowly. “Do you ever wish you didn’t have to be anymore?”

I consider it. “It would be nice, I guess, to not have to worry about things; to let someone else take control. But I can’t. Sammy needs me to be in control. And so do a lot of other people. What we do…we protect a lot of people. If I’m not in control, people could get hurt. Why do you ask?”

“Just something I’ve been reading about,” he says, waving it off vaguely. “It seems like quite the burden.”

“Yeah, it can be. But I’m used to it.”

He frowns for a moment. “But what about when you’re not hunting? Do you ever just…let go?”

I chuckle, thinking back to our recent experiments. “Only with you.”

He smiles. “I’m glad.” He starts planting soft kisses along my neck and shoulder.

“Cas, what are you doing?”

“I like it when you let go,” he murmurs.

I elbow him lightly, but I’m already starting to relax against him. “Will you go check on Sammy for me please?”

He sighs. “If I do, will you relax for a while?”

“Yes. I promise.”

He disappears, then reappears in the same spot. “He’s fine. He’s asleep. Now relax.”

I chuckle. “Who made you boss?”

“God,” he deadpans.

I laugh. “Guess I can’t really argue with that. But don’t you have to get back to angel boot camp?”

“Well, the good thing about being the boss,” he smirks, “is making your own rules. So no. I’m staying right here.”

“That’s nice. So God isn’t mad about us?”

He chuckles. “No. I don’t think He really cares much about sexual relations. If anything, He supports us, because we love each other.”

I nod slowly. “You know you don’t have to take care of me, right? Really, I’ve been doing it myself for a long time.”

He nods almost sadly. “I know. That’s why I want to do it. I know you’re perfectly capable. But you don’t have to do it yourself anymore. Just let me take care of you for once, okay?”

I sigh, pressing closer. “Okay.” I rest my head against his chest, his steady heartbeat combined with the warmth and the light stroking of his fingers through my hair making me suddenly very sleepy. “Cheater,” I murmur.

Cas chuckles softly, and I feel the vibration of it against my cheek. “Go to sleep, Dean. I’ll be right here. I promise.”

“Bossy,” I mutter, smiling as one of his wings drapes around me like a blanket.

“Love you too,” he murmurs.

I grin. “You know, you still have to try what I did the other day. You know, so we can determine the importance and whatnot?”

He laughs. “Later, Dean.” He hugs me closer. “Though, I am looking forward to it,” he adds softly. “Now go to sleep before I make you go to sleep.” I grumble under my breath, but it’s only a few minutes before I fall fast asleep. At some point I wake up gasping, the vision of Sam getting thrown across the room playing over in my head. Cas gathers me closer, his wings forming a protective circle as he strokes my cheek, his eyes wide and concerned. “It’s okay,” he murmurs softly. “It was just a dream.”

I nod, letting myself fall back against him and burying my face against his chest. His arms lock tight around me, and immediately my heartbeat starts to slow down. “Sorry,” I mutter.

He shushes me gently. “Don’t be. It’s okay. I know what it’s like.”

“Yeah, I guess you got a pretty good taste of nightmares with all the Karael stuff.” He shrugs vaguely. “Unless…that’s not what you’re talking about.”

Cas hesitates. “You dream about Sam getting hurt because you care about him. Not all of my nightmares as a human were about him. Sometimes I dreamed about you.”

I nod slowly. “What about me?”

“Different things,” he answers. “Sometimes I dreamt that Karael took you instead, or that you got hurt on a hunt and I couldn’t save you. So I understand.” He smiles a little. “You don’t have to do the tough act in front of me.”

I chuckle softly. “I guess you’re right. That’s kind of new for me, actually. It might take me a while to get used to, but I’ll try.”

He nods, pressing a soft kiss into my hair. “Okay. You should try to go back to sleep.”

“You don’t have to go back?” I ask.

“No. I’ll stay right here.”

When I wake up again, it’s to the light stroking of feathers along my arm. I groan, stretching before falling back against the warm body beside me. “Morning,” he murmurs quietly, his embrace tightening around me.

I frown. “Morning? What time is it?”

“Almost nine. It seems your exploits were exhausting.”

I rub my eyes, slowly sitting up. “And you stayed here the whole time?”

“Aside from the few times I checked on Sam, of course I did,” he answers. “I promised.”

I smile, leaning up to kiss him softly. “Thank you. And thanks for keeping an eye on him. How’s he doing?”

He shrugs. “Still asleep, but he’s fine. How are you doing?”

I consider it. “Pretty good, actually. I haven’t slept that well in a while. I am kind of hungry though.”

He chuckles softly. “What would you like to eat?”

“I don’t know. We could go check out that diner in town. Just give me a few minutes to shower and change, alright?”

He nods. “Of course. I’ll go wake Sam.”

When I come out into the living room, Sam is sitting on the couch chatting with Cas, who has gone sans trench coat and tie, and has left the top two buttons of his shirt undone. “Casual Friday?” I ask. He shrugs. “Alright, well I’m hungry, so if you’re coming let’s go.” We climb into the Impala and drive into town, sitting in a booth near the back of the diner. Cas slides in beside me, his hand finding mine under the table, and he grins at me from behind his menu.


	9. Fear of Flying

**CPOV**

“Do all angels have different colored wings?” Dean asks softly, absently running his fingers through the feathers of my left wing while we sit on the couch. “I know you said they can change, but do they all start off the same?”

I hesitate. “Not exactly,” I explain. “It partly has to do with class. A majority of angels have white wings, the way humans always picture them. Archangels have more gold feathers than white.”

He nods thoughtfully. “And what kind of angel has black feathers?”

“Just me,” I murmur. “Though they weren’t always black. They started out as a dark gray, which was just as unusual. And they were significantly larger than is typical for a normal angel. The other angels were rather alarmed by it. Many of them were frightened, and believed I was somehow broken.”

A little flame of anger flares up in him. “They treated you like that because your wings were a different color? I swear if any of those assholes ever comes down here I’m gonna tell them exactly where they can shove their halos.”

The protectiveness in the words sends an odd warmth through my chest. “It wasn’t their fault, Dean. You know how humans can get when things happen that they don’t understand. Angels aren’t all that different in that respect. It happened again when they went black, but then I knew better.”

“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” he murmurs softly. “That they went black. They thought all those terrible things about you because of me.”

“No,” I assure him. “It was because of you, but it wasn’t your fault. I take great pride in the color now. Because it means I saved you when no one else could. I don’t care so much now if they think I’m different because of the color of the feathers, or because my wings are unusually large. I am different. I’m the only angel who could have made it into Hell and back and saved Dean Winchester. The first angel to truly feel love. And the first to truly fall in it. I was always meant to be different. I’m not ashamed of that.”

He smiles, his fingers tracing over the lighter feathers that appeared after Sam put my wings back together. Though they started white, they’ve settled into a light silvery color that blends well with the black. “They really are beautiful,” he says softly. “Don’t ever let them tell you they’re not.”

I chuckle, drawing him closer, the wing wrapping around his shoulders. “Okay, I promise.”

“’Unusually large,’ huh?” he grins. “I disagree with that. Really though, wasn’t it boring all those years, just watching humanity mess everything up?”

I pause for a moment, trying to determine how best to answer him. It wasn’t boring at all, but Dean has only ever seen humanity from his perspective. “Come with me,” I say finally, taking his hand and pulling him out of the bunker. “I want to show you something.”

“Where are we going?” he asks curiously once we’ve gotten outside.

“Do you trust me?” I ask instead of answering.

He nods. “Of course. But what…”

That’s all he gets out before I wrap my arms around him and spread my wings wide, pulling us both into the air. The end of his sentence turns into a yelp as Dean grabs onto me tightly, burying his face against my neck as we shoot upwards into the sky. When we’ve gotten to the proper height I try to look down at him, but he’s refusing to budge. “Dean?” I ask. “What’s wrong?”

“I, um…I kind of don’t really like flying.”

I chuckle, tightening my hold on him. “I’m not going to let you fall. Just look.”

Slowly, he peeks out, a strangled little whimper escaping him as he realizes how high we are. But he starts to relax as his eyes scan over the humanity spread before us, the light starting to fade in this part of the world. “Son of a bitch,” he whispers. He shifts around carefully to get a better look, his back pressed tightly to my chest. “That’s incredible. That’s what you saw when you looked down at us?”

“Something like that,” I answer softly. “A lot of angels don’t look hard enough to see it. They only see the war and evil that is present in your world. But you also have love, and affection, and beauty. So, no. I didn’t find it boring.”

He smiles, leaning up to kiss me softly. “Can we see other stuff?” he asks excitedly.

I chuckle. “Sure. What would you like to see?”

“Everything,” he murmurs. “It’s just so different up here.”

I smile. “Alright. Let’s take a tour then.” And so we chase the sunset until we overtake the light, and the darkness once again consumes the earth below. I watch Dean closely as we fly, wanting to commit everything to memory. He looks younger now, the boyish wonder taking over his face, and I can’t help but smile when he closes his eyes, spreading his arms out to either side as the wind rushes through his fingers. I press a soft kiss into his hair as I slowly lower us back to the ground in front of the bunker. “Well?”

He grins, hugging me tightly. “That was amazing. Thank you!”

“Of course,” I murmur back. “Are you still afraid of flying?”

He chuckles. “With you? Nah. But now I think it’s my turn to show you something.” His grin hides none of his meaning, and the heat that rises to my cheeks seems to please him. His fingers thread through mine and he leads me back towards the bunker, tugging my coat and tie off along the way.

“Dean, what about Sam?” I murmur as he closes his bedroom door behind us. “I don’t think he’d appreciate hearing our…activities.”

He grins again, winking. “I guess you’ll just have to be quiet then, won’t you?”

A soft whine escapes me as he begins to plant heated kisses under my jaw, undoing the top two buttons of my shirt. “Dean…you know I’m bad at being quiet…”

“I know.” He chuckles again. “You’ll just have to try really hard, or things around here are going to get a little awkward.”

“Or we could wait until he goes running tomorrow,” I suggest.

He pulls back just slightly, resting his forehead against mine. “Do you want to wait?” he asks softly. His voice has a teasing tone to it, but his eyes betray the fact that he’s completely serious. I know he’d stop if I wanted him to. I also know that I don’t want to stop. Instead of answering his question, I tilt my chin up, catching his lips again, and I can feel him smile as we tumble back onto the bed. My fingers slip under his shirt, attempting to pull it off, but his hand wraps around my wrist before I can. “Now Castiel,” he teases, “how are you going to focus on being quiet if you’re doing that? Am I going to have to tie you to the bed?” An odd little whimper escapes me at the thought, and Dean raises one eyebrow, then laughs loudly. “Castiel: the kinkiest angel in the garrison,” he chuckles. I blush a little, but he kisses it away. “Don’t worry. I like it.” he searches around for a moment, picking up the discarded tie and wrapping it around each of my wrists before securing them to the bars of the headboard. He sits back for a moment to admire his work, then grins. I’m sure he can hear my heartbeat just as loudly as I can. In any other situation, this would be bad. But with Dean, it’s oddly exciting. He goes back to his task, and my fingers clench around the metal bar as I struggle to stay quiet. I’m still taken aback by it every time; how easy it is for him to break my control. I’d assumed that, once I’d gotten used to my new feelings, it would be easier, but instead the opposite seems to have happened. The more familiar this becomes, the easier it seems to be for him to make me lose control, and I couldn’t be happier about that. As much as I know that the thin strip of fabric around my wrists could never truly hold me, I find myself unwilling to break the illusion. So instead I grip the metal tightly while I stifle my moans, shuddering constantly with the added effort combined with Dean’s touch. When I touch him, it’s like exploring a new territory. But when it’s his turn, it’s more like he’s had a map that he’s been studying for years.

Despite the wild spark in his gaze, Dean keeps his pace deliberately slow, watching me carefully. It would be endearing if his touch didn’t drive me so crazy. “Dean…” I whine softly. “Please!”

He chuckles softly. “Alright, if you’re sure. Mind taking care of the clothes for me?”

I nod, making both of our clothes disappear, and he grins. “Don’t forget you have to-” I start. He cuts me off with a rough kiss, then holds up the bottle of lube I purchased. “I know, Cas. You’re not the only one who can do research.” I smile at the idea of Dean researching this, but none of my research could prepare me for the feeling of being filled by him, at which point the attempt at being quiet is completely forgotten and a long stream of Enochian escapes me. Dean looks down at me, partly elated and partly worried. “Cas? Are you alright?” he asks softly.

I grin up at him. “I’m incredible,” I pant. “Please, Dean…more!” He laughs, setting a steady, smooth pace that completely breaks any semblance of control I had left.

When we’re both spent, he collapses against my chest, breaths ragged as I tremble beneath him. He reaches up, carefully undoing the knot holding my wrists in place and kissing each one gently. When I open my eyes to look at him, he chuckles, grinning. “Fuck Cas, you look downright… debauched. It’s sexy as hell.” He kisses me again, softer this time.

“I think I am debauched,” I murmur teasingly. “Is this what you mean when you use the expression ‘well and truly fucked’?”

He laughs loudly, his fingers running lightly through my hair. “I think that’s a little bit different, but you certainly look like you’ve been well and truly fucked.”

“I feel like it too,” I grin. “I think I quite like being well and truly fucked.”

Dean shivers a little, the spark returning to his eyes. “Do you have any idea what it does to me when you use that kind of language?” I chuckle, kissing the soft spot behind his ear and murmuring a breathy fuck into it, feeling him shudder. “Dammit Cas,” he mutters, breathless, “You are so incredibly sexy, you know that?”

I smile, smoothing out his messy hair. “Ol aziazor elasa,” I murmur, too spent for English.

“Was that Enochian?” he asks. I nod. “What does it mean?”

I lean in, planting a soft kiss on his lips. “It means I love you.”

He smiles, ducking his head to hide his blush. He rests quietly for a moment, his cheek pressed over my heart. “Too bad they don’t have a word for ‘sexy motherfucker’…”

* * *

 

**DPOV**

It’s past midnight, and with Cas gone for a few days to work on his angel squad business, I really don’t have anything better to do than sleep. At least that was the plan, until the thunderstorm of the century showed up outside our door. Every time I got close to sleep, there was another loud crack of thunder to wake me right up. When the phone rings, I’m almost thankful for the distraction. I look at the number for a moment, frowning. “Cas?” I answer. “You okay?”

He hesitates for a moment. “I’m not in danger,” he says finally. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” I reply. “I was trying to sleep, but there’s a damn storm keeping me up. What about you?”

“I’m standing outside the bunker,” he says casually.

I roll my eyes, throwing the blankets aside. “You could have led with that. Hold on, I’m coming to the door.” I walk through the living room and open the door, surprised that the Cas standing on the other side is soaked to the bone and has blood running down one side of his face coming from nasty cuts on his cheek and eyebrow. “Jesus Cas, next time I ask, this definitely does not count as ‘okay.’ Come on, get in here.”

I tug him in by the wrist of his waterlogged coat and close the door against the rain before turning to look at him. He looks down sheepishly. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. Come on, let’s get you clean and warmed up,” I murmur. He follows me silently into the bathroom, shucking off the wet coat and allowing me to remove his tie, shirt, and mud stained pants. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?” I ask, starting to gently clean the blood from his face. “There a power outage or something?”

He shrugs. “Something like that. It was the only way to ensure that they’d truly learn to understand humans. They had to live like humans for a few days. And I wouldn’t be a very respectable teacher if I didn’t do it with them.”

“So you don’t have any of your powers?”

“I have retained only the necessary ones. I must be able to keep track of them to ensure that no harm comes to them, and I can still teleport, if need be. But I’ve given up everything else for a few days.”

I chuckle. “That is something you’d do. How many angels are we talking here? All of them?”

He tilts his head, puzzled. “Of course not, Dean. How could I keep order among that many angels? We’re starting with a small group.”

I almost laugh, because his answer is just so human, like a school teacher with a full classroom. “So what happened to your face then?” I gently dab at the cuts, and he winces a little.

“I…fell a few times. It was slippery with the rain.”

His embarrassment is almost endearing, and I kiss him softly. “Well lucky for you, you have me to take care of you. Now, let’s get you in the shower.”

He frowns. “I don’t need a shower Dean.”

“It’ll warm you up.” I grin. “Come on, I’ll even go with you.”

There’s a little spark in his eyes, and he nods once. “Oh. I see. Then I rescind my earlier protests. Though, I wonder if we could modify the plan a bit.” I raise an eyebrow at him, and he grins. “I believe a bath would be more helpful in warming me up.” I chuckle, starting the water and stripping off my boxers, thankful that I didn’t put more clothes on before answering the door. Cas kicks off his shoes and socks, shucking off his own wet underwear, which stick to him in protest. I climb into the tub, reaching for his hand and pulling him in after me, pulling him closer until I’m sitting with him in my lap. I lightly run my fingers through his hair when his head falls back onto my shoulder, and he makes that soft purring sound. “You were right, Dean,” he whispers. “This is much warmer.”

I smile, lightly massaging his muscles until he relaxes, planting a soft kiss behind his ear. “Of course I’m right. Those angels are gonna think you’ve mastered the human race when they show up tomorrow all wet and muddy and you’re totally fine. They’ll be bowing down to you in no time.”

He chuckles. “Perhaps you’re right. I am rather lucky to have you. I hope they will one day be so lucky.”

We don’t go far beyond light kisses and soft caresses, but it’s probably the most peaceful I’ve felt in a long time. When the water starts to cool off we get out, drying off and throwing boxers on before collapsing into bed. “Are you staying the night?” I ask.

He smiles. “Of course I am. Goodnight, Dean.”

When I wake in the morning, Cas has one arm tucked around my waist, bright blue eyes watching me. “Did you sleep at all?” I ask. “Or did you just watch me?”

He chuckles. “I slept. Though I was rather worried about the others. I remember how alarming it was the first time I fell asleep. I didn’t know I would wake up again.”

I nod, kissing him softly. “I’m sure they did just fine.” He nods, starting to get up, but freezes, staring off into the distance. “Cas?” I ask. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Hadriel,” he answers. “Something is wrong. I must go to him.” He hesitates, then looks at me. “Will you come with me?”

I’m a little surprised, but nod anyway. “Uh, yeah, sure. If you think it would help.”

“I think your expertise in human life might be helpful.” I nod my agreement, and suddenly I’m fully clothed and standing in an overcast forest. It takes me a moment to notice the hyperventilating dark-haired boy at our feet, not more than a child. He reminds me so much of Sam that I pause for a moment, and Cas frowns. “Hadriel, it’s Castiel. What’s troubling you?” The boy doesn’t answer, staring up at us with wide eyes as he struggles to draw in oxygen. “He doesn’t appear injured,” Cas murmurs to me.

“Yeah,” I nod, “I think he might be having a panic attack.”

Cas considers it. “I suppose that’s possible. He is rather young. This is his first time on Earth.” He pauses, frowning. “Do you know anything that might help?”

I nod slowly. “A little. First things first, we have to get him breathing again.” I think back to my very first official hunt with dad, when a poltergeist slammed into me so hard that it knocked the breath right out of me. The entire experience was so overwhelming that I couldn’t manage to start breathing properly again. If Hadriel is a typical angel, he’s not going to like what I’m about to do, but Cas looks so worried, and the boy looks so much like a younger Sam that I have to try. I slowly kneel down beside him, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him backwards against me, holding him so that his back is pressed to my chest. He flails a little, panicking at the sudden touch, but with only a human child’s strength he doesn’t get very far. “Easy there buddy,” I murmur. “I’m trying to help you. You’re okay. You just gotta breathe.” The boy whimpers, and I can feel the scraping of each shallow breath as it claws its way in and out of his chest. “It’s okay. I know it’s overwhelming, but Cas and I aren’t gonna let anything happen to you.” He quiets a little, like he’s trying to listen to me. “Alright. Can you feel how I’m breathing?” I ask. He nods quickly. “Good. I want you to try to match yours up to mine. I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.” I make a point of taking exaggeratedly deep, even breaths, ensuring that he can feel each one. His trembling fingers close around my arms, still locked around his narrow chest, but this time instead of trying to remove them it seems he’s trying to ground himself. Slowly, his breathing evens out against me, and after a few minutes he slumps in my arms, exhausted, but calmer. I smile, lightly brushing the damp hair from his forehead the way I used to when Sam was little. The angel flinches a little at the touch, but doesn’t pull away.

“My apologies, Castiel,” he murmurs after a minute. “I did not intend to get so out of hand.”

Cas nods, lightly squeezing his shoulder. “There is no need to apologize, Hadriel. I know how overwhelming it can be. You’ve done very well. Are you feeling better?”

Slowly, the boy smiles at the praise. “Better for now,” he answers. “Thanks to your…” he freezes, looking back over his shoulder at me. “He’s…human,” he mutters, incredulous.

“Yes,” Cas nods. “Hadriel, this is Dean.”

The boy’s eyes widen. “Dean? Your Dean?” Cas nods again, and the boy goes red. “I…I…” he takes a breath. “It’s an honor, sir…”

I chuckle. “You can call me Dean, squirt. Is it alright if I let go of you now?”

He nods quickly, almost embarrassed. “Of course. I apologize.”

“I told Dean that you were in trouble, and he agreed to come see if he could help,” Cas interrupts.

“That was kind of you, si…Dean,” the boy says slowly, testing the name out. “I am indebted to you.”

“No need for that, kiddo.” I frown, noticing the little slashes in his cheek, and instinct takes over. “Cas, can we take him to the bunker for a bit and clean him up? It might help with the overwhelming thing.”

The boy’s eyes widen. “Is that not cheating?” he asks. “Our assignment is to live on our own as humans.”

“No, Hadriel,” Cas corrects. “Your assignment was to live as humans. And what do humans do?”

The boy thinks. “They…help each other?”

“That is correct,” Cas nods, looking pleased. “It is your choice whether or not you wish to go and have Dean help you. I am merely here to ensure your safety.”

Hadriel considers it, then nods, and suddenly we’re back in the bunker. “Alright then,” I say. “Why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll fix those scratches there.” He nods again, slowly sitting down on the couch. When I return, lightly dabbing at the marks, he watches me with wide eyes, tensed against the contact. “I’m not gonna hurt you, short stuff,” I murmur, watching as he slowly relaxes a little.

“I know,” he answers. “It’s just…odd. I’ve never been this close to a human before, and though we had lessons on human contact, it is…different. Besides, you’re him.”

I chuckle. “So Cas told you about me, huh?”

He nods. “Everyone in heaven knows about you. I just never thought I’d actually meet you, or that you’d be so kind. Rumor has it that you’re not fond of angels.”

I shrug. “I’m not usually. Usually, you guys are dicks. But…there are some exceptions.” I glance up at Cas, who grins. “Anyway, you hungry?” The boy thinks as if this is the most important question of his life, before nodding slowly. “Okay then. What do you like to eat?” He stares at me, puzzled. “Oh, right. You wouldn’t know, would you? Something simple then.”

Cas follows me into the kitchen, watching while I search through the fridge. “I must say, you have taken to helping Hadriel more than I thought.”

“He reminds me of Sammy,” I admit, starting on bacon and eggs. “And he looked so lost. There’s not really anything as vulnerable as a powerless angel having a panic attack.” I hesitate. “He…is a kid, right? Or the angel equivalent?”

He nods. “Not as young as your children, but young for an angel. I was going to have him stay in heaven with the other young ones, but he begged for the chance to come along. He finds humans fascinating. A promising student.”

I smile a little. “Well, I think he’s gonna be alright. Probably just hard the first time. I’d imagine it’s a little different being here than it is watching us from up there. You guys really have ‘human contact’ lessons?”

He laughs. “Yes. Physical contact is a large part of many human rituals and behaviors, but it is not something that most angels experience. If we want them to understand humans better, they have to understand and be able to deal with the contact. As you can imagine, many of them are not thrilled with it yet, but it’s a work in progress.”

I have to laugh at that image in my head. “Well he didn’t react nearly as badly as I was expecting, so I guess they’re working.” He nods, pleased that I’ve noticed. Sam comes in, still in pajamas and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. “Morning,” I greet him.

“Morning,” he murmurs sleepily. “Where’d the kid come from?”

“He’s an angel,” Cas explains. “Dean agreed to help him.”

Sam nods. “Well that’s weird. Whatever. Your lovechild is asleep on the couch.”

Before I can snap at him for that comment I catch a glimpse of Hadriel, curled up in a tight ball and fast asleep. Cas follows me as I wander over, looking down at him. “Should we wake him to eat?” Cas asks.

“Nah, let him sleep. There’ll still be food when he wakes up.” I pull the blanket from the back of the couch, lightly settling it over the sleeping boy. Sam walks by, snorting and muttering “lovechild” under his breath. I grab the extra pillow from the couch, chucking it across the room at his head. It falls a few feet short, and he laughs, disappearing around the corner.

When I turn back to Cas, he’s giving me that head-tilting look again. “Is there a problem, Dean?”

“Yes Cas, as a matter of fact there is. The problem is that our pillows are not at all aerodynamically sound enough for me.”

He frowns a little. “I…suppose we could buy new ones,” he says.

I chuckle, resting my forehead against his shoulder. “No, that’s okay. Come on, I’m hungry.”

When the boy wakes a few hours later, he slowly sits up, looking around with wide eyes. He freezes when they land on me, only relaxing when Cas wanders in behind me. “Hello Hadriel,” he greets cheerfully.

“Castiel. Dean.” He flushes a little. “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend…”

I hold a hand up, stopping him. “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay.” I hand him a plate full of food and a fork. “Eat up. You’ll feel better.” He frowns at the fork for a moment before slowly picking it up and spearing a bite of food. He bites into it cautiously, chewing once like he’s expecting poison. “Well?” I ask.

Slowly, he grins. “That’s really good. Thank you.”

When he finishes he hands the plate back, standing up and straightening himself out. “Woah, where you going short stuff?”

He smiles. “I think it’s time I give Earth another chance. I can’t thank you enough. You’ve been very kind.”

“Well hold on a minute. Wait right there.” I search around for a piece of paper and a pen, jotting something down and handing it to him. “That’s my cell phone number. If you need anything, let me know.”

He nods, putting it away carefully. “Thank you Dean.” He hesitates, then hugs me, all tense and awkward, before disappearing out the door.


	10. Profound Bond

**DPOV**

 

I wake up suddenly with the distinct sense that someone called my name, but there’s no one there. Still, I check around cautiously, unable to shake the feeling, and I jump when I hear it again. _Dean?_

I still don’t see anyone, but it sounds like… “Cas?” I call to the room. “Is that you?”

_Yes, Dean. Are you alright?_

“I’d be better if I knew why I can hear you but not see you,” I answer. “Where are you?”

I feel a hint of amusement that isn’t mine. _In heaven_ , he answers. _And you’re not hearing me so much as perceiving me. There’s no need to be alarmed. This is normal._

“Normal for who?” I shout to the empty room, exasperated by how calm he seems. “What the hell is going on?”

He pauses for a moment. _It’s alright, Dean. I’ll be there in a few minutes to explain._ With that it goes silent. I sit down on the edge of the bed, wondering what my life has come to until I hear the soft flutter of wings. “Good morning, Dean.”

“For you, maybe,” I mutter. “You’re not the one who woke up with voices in your head.”

He tilts his head a little. “It’s only one voice.”

“That’s not the point! Are you going to tell me what’s going on or not?”

He nods, fidgeting with his coat nervously. “Of course. I…don’t suppose I ever told you much about angel mating.”

I have to pause for a minute to keep from snapping at him. “No, you didn’t.”

“Well, when two angels share a connection, their respective graces recognize the other as a soulmate. When that happens, a private psychic link is established between them. It makes things…easier. I did not believe it would happen with us, being that you are human, but considering your penchant for surprising me I suppose I should have seen it coming.”

I sigh, trying to shake off the feeling that I’m being given the angelic birds and bees talk. “But…why now? We’ve been…together for months now. I’ve never heard you before.”

He nods. “It takes two graces in agreement before it will happen. It’s not immediate, and will not happen if one side is unwilling. My grace has been willing for a long time now, but even though we’ve been together, you’ve still been hesitant about it. But now you’re finally becoming comfortable with the idea.”

“So, let me see if I’ve got this right. Your grace…proposed to me, and my soul said yes?”

He shrugs. “Essentially, yes. And then the link was established.”

A sudden, horrible thought occurs to me. “So you just have an all-access pass up there now?”

Cas frowns. “No, of course not. I would never violate you that way. I do not see anything you wish to keep hidden. It’s more of a sense. I can feel you like you felt me this morning. I can sense the thoughts you choose to share with me, as well as your emotions. I can feel where you are if I need to. I’d imagine, with the human component, we could also trade sensory information.”

“Like…pictures and stuff?” I ask.

He nods. “Or sensations, maybe. It will take some practice on both our parts. I apologize for not realizing you’d be so alarmed. I suppose I’m a bit more used to the extra senses than you’d be.”

“Yeah, just a little,” I mutter. “So are we… ‘mated’ now?” I ask hesitantly.

He sighs, looking dejected at my tone. “No, Dean. This isn’t a kind of cosmic death sentence. You will not be forced into anything you don’t wish to do.”

I frown. “That’s not exactly what I meant,” I say quickly. “It’s not that I definitely don’t want to do…that, but…I just need some time, okay?” Finally, he smiles, relaxing, and nods. “Is it just going to be there all the time now?” I ask.

“In a way. The link will not disappear, but you can block it on your end, as I can, and we can make it…dormant, if you will. It can fade into the background.” He pauses. “Dean, we don’t have to use it if it makes you uncomfortable,” he says softly.

I shake my head, releasing the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “No, it’s fine, it’s just…different. I just need some time to get used to it, that’s all.”

He nods, relieved. “Okay. We can work on it. You know, you’re just as much in my head as I am in yours.”

For some reason, this makes me feel a little better. “Good to know.” I close my eyes for a moment, carefully probing around the new presence in my head. Focusing hard, I feel it slip into the background, still there but somewhat muted. Then I bring it back up, feeling a little spark of pride from Cas. _How was that?_ I try.

“That was good,” he smiles. _It will get easier with time_. I try turning it on and off a few times, and suddenly I see an image of myself, accompanied by a warm feeling I can’t pin down right away, but which feels very much like love. I open one eye at him, and he chuckles. “I’ve had a bit more practice than you.”

“Two can play at that game.” It only takes me a minute to figure out what image would ruffle his feathers the most, and I focus hard on the way he looked in my bed with his wrists bound to the frame with his own tie. I hear a sharp gasp, and when I open my eyes, Cas is bright red. I laugh, pulling him down to the bed with me and pressing against his side. “I take it that worked then?” He nods slowly. “You know, you never did tell me why you enjoyed that so much.” Cas hesitates, considering his answer carefully. The same picture I showed him flashes inside my head, followed by a complex mix of emotions that takes a minute to sort out. Underneath the obvious pleasure, there’s a layer of peace and trust that surprises me. He watches me almost nervously while I consider it. _So you like not having to be in control?_

He shrugs. _I’m always supposed to be the leader. With you, I don’t have to be. It’s nice._ He pauses. _Perhaps you should try it. You might like it as well._

I chuckle. “I don’t think we’d get very far with both of us tied up.”

He smiles. “We can take turns, if you’d really like to try.”

 _Maybe,_ I answer. _But first, I think I’m going to have to do some shopping. That tie only goes so far._

He blushes again when I show him what I mean, hiding his face against my shoulder. Remembering what he said about sensations, I concentrate as hard as I can on imagining running my tongue up his spine. It takes a moment, but Cas makes a surprised noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan, shuddering beside me. “You’re better at this than I anticipated. Perhaps I have some shopping of my own to do.”

He grins, shifting to look at me, and something around his neck catches my attention. “Uh…Cas? What’s that?”

He frowns for a moment, then seems to remember. “Oh, yes. Gabriel gave it to me. He said it was very important, and that you’d understand. He wouldn’t tell me why.”

I loosen his tie, unbuttoning the top of his shirt to get a better look, and suddenly I can’t stop laughing. Looped haphazardly around his neck is a strip of soft black leather with a silver ring through the middle. Cas tilts his head to the side, puzzled by my outburst. “Gabriel…gave you…a collar?” I choke out when I can catch my breath.

He squints for a moment in confusion, and then his eyes widen. “Oh…Oh. I see. I did read about that. My apologies. I should have realized.”

He blushes, and I chuckle. “I’ll kick his ass for you next time I see him.” He reaches back to take it off, but something in me makes me reach out and stop him. He looks at me questioningly. “I kind of like it,” I murmur. “But it can’t be very comfortable all twisted like that. Here, let me fix it.” He sits back on his elbows, tipping his head down while I reach for the buckle, and I have to take a deep breath to calm myself enough to remove it. I press a soft kiss to his neck where I pull the leather away, feeling his breath hitch. “You don’t have to wear it if you don’t want to,” I say carefully.

“I don’t mind it so much,” he answers softly. I prod at the connection, finding a feeling that’s almost…hopeful? He looks back over his shoulder as I inspect the Enochian symbols carved into it. “It’s…your name,” he murmurs, embarrassed. “The inscription on the inside is a binding spell. It’s inactive, of course, but…” he trails off.

I look up at him for a moment, watching as his gaze flicks anxiously between me and the collar, and I realize that he wants this. But do I? _Of course you do, you idiot_ , the voice in my head answers. “It’s a little hard to see from this angle,” I say finally. Why don’t you come around to this side, so I can make sure it’s right.” Slowly, he grins, slipping off the bed and walking slowly over to the side I’m sitting on. He hesitates for a moment, watching me carefully, before shucking off his coat and sinking down to his knees at the side of the bed. “That’s much better,” I chuckle, running my hand lightly through his hair. I smooth out the leather between my fingers, carefully wrapping it around his neck, then pulling it one notch tighter. Cas makes a small sound. “Too tight?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “No. It’s much better,” he whispers hoarsely. I nod, fastening it in the back when he lowers his head again. I let my fingertips lightly ghost over his throat, feeling his shaky breaths even out. Digging into the link in my mind, I find equal parts pleasure and anxiety. I want to say something to calm him, but I don’t think I could do it out loud. Instead I try to do it through the mental link, which is slightly more terrifying given that I can’t hide my emotions, but which is also probably more convincing. _You’re beautiful._

He looks up sharply, surprised, but I feel his anxiety fade. “It doesn’t bother you?” he asks.

“You already know it doesn’t,” I murmur, leaning forward to kiss him softly.

He smiles, leaning into the kiss and relaxing fully into his stance. “I know. I felt it.”

I thread my fingers into his hair again, tugging on it just hard enough until his head tips back, exposing his throat. He hisses softly, but all I feel on his end is blissful pleasure. It’s reassuring, as is the low moan that escapes him as I bite and tease the sensitive skin. _So the angel likes it rough?_ I tease him, mouthing roughly along his jaw. He breathes out a yes, but in his head it’s a firm _Yes Sir_. Who knew this psychic thing would be so useful? I take a breath to calm myself again, knowing I have to keep it together if I’m going to do this for him. And I want to, more than anything, just to keep watching him like this. “Cas, are you sure you want to do this?” I ask.

He nods slowly. “Absolutely.”

“And you trust me?”

 _With my life_ comes the soft answer, and I know it’s true.

I nod, standing up and walking behind him, trailing my fingers over his skin as I go. He shivers, but stays in place. “Alright. Rule one: If you don’t like something, you tell me immediately. That’s an order. Understood?”

A hint of a smile plays at the corners of his lips. “Yes Sir,” he whispers.

“Good. And rule two: no closing the link. I want to know what’s going on. We’re going to talk about this later, but right now, you’re mine.” A little whine escapes him at that, and I chuckle. “Up,” I order softly. He rises to his feet, keeping his gaze trained on the floor. I nudge his feet apart, pulling his arms up and interlocking the fingers behind his head. “Clothes off, Cas. Now.” They disappear, and he flushes red from head to toe. I slip my hand under his jaw, kissing him softly. He whines, and I pull him closer, deepening the kiss until he’s out of breath. “Good boy,” I murmur against his lips, grinning at his shiver. “Stay still,” I order. I kiss him once more before dropping lower to nibble and suck at the skin above his collar. “Now, I’d love to hear about all the interesting things you’ve been reading about…” Immediately, my head is filled with images straight out of porn, and I wonder idly how far his research went. It takes a minute to sort through them, gaging his reaction to the different scenarios and forming an idea of my own. I walk slowly around him, trailing my fingertips over his skin. Looking over his shoulder, I grin seeing his already hard cock twitch. I wrap one arm around his waist, pulling him tight against me, letting my other hand wrap lightly around the base of his throat. He gasps, but relaxes into the hold, moaning softly as I kiss and nibble along his neck and shoulders. Suddenly, I find myself wondering how far I’d have to go to put an angel into sensory overload. And Cas did say I have to practice, right? I reach down, feeling his breath hiccup as I wrap my hand around him, stroking slowly. His face is red as he bucks into my hand, but he can’t seem to stop the little whimpers and moans from escaping him. My hips rock against him of their own accord as I focus on imagining myself softly rubbing and prodding at his tight ring of muscle. I can tell when he starts to feel it, because his hips press back against the imaginary fingers, then snap forward into my hand again, trying to get both sensations at once. I chuckle, enjoying the shout of pleasure when I picture my fingers sliding smoothly into him, bearing more of his weight as he struggles to stay on his feet. My hand moves faster along his shaft as he trembles, thrusting desperately and erratically into the sensations. “Such a needy angel you are,” I murmur into his ear. He whines in response. “And you want to know something?” I grin, speeding up my strokes, both real and imaginary. Unable to form words, his head slowly turns to look at me, his eyes clouded with pleasure. “You’re all mine,” I growl against his skin.

“Dean!” he whimpers loudly.

“Mine,” I growl again, biting down on the space between his neck and shoulder. I feel him shudder hard as his release rips through him, a stream of unintelligible syllables mixed with my name escaping him. I find myself oddly proud when his knees give out, which would have sent him crashing to the floor if I wasn’t holding him so tightly against me. He trembles hard, panting breathlessly as I carefully scoop him up, sitting down on the bed and settling him in my lap. He purrs softly, clinging closer as I run my fingers through his damp hair. “Jesus Cas,” I murmur, kissing his forehead softly. His eyes open, staring up at me with something close to awe, but he doesn’t say anything, only swallowing and panting softly. He stays that way for a full five minutes before I start to get worried. Probing around the connection in my head, I find only a blissful haze, but it’s too quiet. “Cas?” I murmur. “You’re starting to worry me baby. Talk to me.”

He swallows hard again, still trembling lightly. “…Hi,” he whispers finally.

I chuckle. “Hi yourself. Are you alright?”

“Very much so,” he nods seriously, his voice rough. “I apologize, I just…that was…”

He frowns, trying to find the right words, and I kiss him softly. “That’s alright. Just wanted to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Of course you didn’t,” he says sternly. “Dean, you…you…I can’t tell you what you did right now, but I will as soon as I can think straight…”

I laugh, hugging him closer. “Okay. Relax for now. I’ve got you.”

He smiles lazily. “I love you,” he murmurs, moaning softly as I lightly massage the muscles in his back.

 _I love you too_ I reply. But this time I know he feels it from the happiness that flares across the link.


	11. Feather

**CPOV**

It’s hard to understand, through the panic coming from Dean’s side of the link, what the actual problem is. Still, I’ve walked into enough crazy situations involving the Winchesters that I’m certain that it can be handled. Until, that is, I pop into his bathroom to find a half-naked Dean gasping on the floor. Ordinarily, that wouldn’t be cause for so much alarm. His panic, I suppose, resulted from the fact that he currently has enormous wings sprouting from between his shoulder blades. A bit smaller than mine, and shimmering gold, they twitch and flap, agitated by his emotions. I frown for a moment, watching him. He is apparently too lost in his panicking to notice my arrival, so I reach down, grasping him by the upper arms and hoisting him up off the floor. He flinches, startled, but grabs onto me tightly. “What the hell, Cas?!” he wheezes. I wish I had an answer ready for him, but I can’t say I saw this coming any more than he did. Even if I did have an explanation, I doubt he’s in any shape to listen to it.

“I don’t know,” I admit. “But we’ll figure it out.” This doesn’t do much to calm him, and his breaths grow more erratic as I half drag, half carry him to his room, sitting him down on the bed. “Dean, you need to calm down,” I say calmly. “You’re going to make yourself sick.”

He looks at me like he thinks I might be crazy. “I have wings!” he shouts. “How in the hell…do you expect me to calm down?!”

“Well…that’s a fair point, but…” I don’t finish my sentence, because Dean lets out a wail, jumping up and bolting back to the bathroom. When I follow I find him whimpering and dry-heaving miserably over the toilet, his wings pressed tight against his back, reacting to his fear. Remembering what he told me the night I came to the bunker, I fold a washcloth, running it under the cold water and pressing it to the back of his neck. “Easy, Dean,” I murmur, rubbing his back gently, careful to avoid his wings for now. He gasps, but slowly the heaving subsides.

Deciding it’s better to stay here in case it starts up again, I sit down on the floor, gently pulling him into my lap. Still trembling, he clings onto me tightly. “What the hell is happening to me, Cas?” he whispers, his breaths still shaky and uneven.

“You’re okay,” I assure him, holding him close. “Just try to calm down, and we’ll figure this out.”

He whimpers, hiding his face against my chest. “I can’t! In case you haven’t noticed, I’m freaking out!” I sigh, manifesting my wings and gently folding them around him. He gasps sharply when my feathers meet his, but his wings unfurl a little underneath mine, relaxing slightly of their own volition. “W-What are they doing?” he asks. It seems to distract from his panic a little, so I try to explain.

“Angels can communicate a lot through their wings,” I answer. “Right now, mine are telling you that I’ll protect you. And yours are accepting my protection, and telling me that they trust me.” For some reason this seems to calm him down a little, and he shivers as his wings press up towards mine, practically pleading for help in a decidedly submissive gesture that makes me realize how lost he is, and how desperately he needs me to take charge right now. “Dean, do you trust me?” I ask, covering his wings with my own.

He swallows, nodding. “Of course.”

“Good. Then you have to calm down, alright? I’m not going to let anything bad happen to you,” I say calmly. “I know this is…frightening, but I’m here to protect you. I need you to remember that.”

He nods again, his eyes closing as he tries to calm himself down. He jumps a little every time our wings brush together, but it seems to help. At the very least, he’s breathing properly again. After a couple of minutes he relaxes slightly, and the desperate movements of his wings calm, despite the fact that his grip on me remains tight. “Any ideas?” he whispers finally.

“A few,” I admit. “I think it might be related to the mating process.”

He groans. “Did you know?” he asks.

“Of course not,” I murmur, my palms stroking soothingly along his skin, trying to ease his trembling. “You have to remember, this doesn’t happen often between angels and humans. It is…difficult to determine what to expect. If I’d known this was even a possibility, I would have warned you immediately. I’m sorry.”

He shakes his head. “Not your fault,” he sighs. “I’m sorry for snapping at you. I just…it caught me so off guard. I was just going to take a shower, and I turned around and saw this in the mirror.” His wings twitch, irritated by his disdain for them, and my own instinctively move across them in a display of affection. Dean gasps, but it works at appeasing them, and they push back lightly, almost shyly returning the gesture. “More wing talk?” he grumbles. “I feel so left out when you do that.”

“You shouldn’t,” I chuckle. “I strongly suspect that the wings are a manifestation of your soul, just as mine are a manifestation of my grace. They’re acting on their own because they’re showing what’s truly inside of you. That’s why calming them helped you calm down.” I smile. “I’m having a conversation of sorts with the most intimate part of you. It just happens that it’s a part you choose to ignore most of the time. I think if you tapped into it a little, you’d understand perfectly.”

He frowns. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he says stubbornly. I sigh, lightly pressing a hand to his chest, bringing his soul up to the surface and repeating the affectionate gesture against his wings. He shudders, his eyes wide. “I…don’t understand.”

“Yes you do. What does it feel like?” I prod, repeating it again, watching his wings quiver.

“It…feels like love,” he murmurs. “Only…not. It’s more than that.”

I nod. “The kind of connection we share is deeper than the average human’s concept of love. You’re starting to feel it the more you open up to that connection.”

He stays quiet for a moment, thinking. “Will you tell me why you think I grew wings?” he says finally, still tense, but calmer than before.  
“Of course. But first, do you still feel nauseous, or is it safe to go back to your room?”

He cracks a small smile. “I think it’s settled now.” I nod, gently pulling him up, my wings uncurling from around him to allow him to move. Still, his closest wing reaches out towards mine, and I feel him relax when it slots perfectly underneath. He flushes red. “Sorry,” he mutters.

“Don’t be,” I smile. “I don’t mind. It’s kind of nice to know how you’re really feeling.” He flushes deeper as we reach the bedroom, hesitantly slipping into my lap again, relieved when I curl my wings protectively around him again. “Do you remember when we discussed that mating ritual that involves wings? Back when we discovered the connection you had to mine?” He thinks, then nods slowly. “Well, the mental link we have is the beginning of the process, and that ritual is the end. Completing it means being completely mated. There is a sort of…transfer of energy that happens across wings during the ritual. I had assumed we would find an alternative way with you being human, but I believe that you’ve gotten wings to allow for that possibility. I think it’s an…instinctual response on the part of the shadow of grace left on your soul, to make you more…compatible.”

He takes in the information, his expression and behavior more honest than I’ve ever seen, his tough façade cracked wide open by his panic. He truly has no idea what’s happening or what to do next, which is rare for him, and it’s left him unable to use his usual defenses. He leans into my chest heavily, not fighting my comfort like usual, and his wings press close, clearly asking for guidance. “What kind of energy transfer?”

“For angels,” I answer, “It’s a melding of two graces. An even exchange. I assume that with us, it would be the same, only with my grace and your soul.”

He nods. “So that means…this thing is moving forward?” he asks a slight hiccup to the words.

“It’s not quite like that,” I explain. “Like I told you when the link appeared, you will not be pushed into anything you don’t want. I won’t let that happen. I think, like last time, your soul is opening up more; responding to our bond differently than before. It’s a gradual process, but I think the manifestation is…opening that door for you. For us. But I promise you, this is not something you have to do. This is always a choice for you. We don’t have to do anything until you’re ready. Or ever, if you don’t want.”

He smiles, kissing me softly. “I know, Cas. I know you wouldn’t force me to do something like that.” His voice drops. “I trust you.”

I watch curiously as his wings shift, dropping back and exposing the soft, vulnerable undersides to me. Dean startles as the sudden movement, looking back at them. He thinks for a moment, examining his own soul, his eyes widening. “Do you…know what you’re doing?” I ask cautiously.

Slowly, he nods. “I…think so,” he whispers. “But maybe you could explain better.”

“Well it’s…this part is the most sensitive and vulnerable part of an angel’s wings,” I explain, lightly running my fingers over the soft inner feathers, feeling him tremble. “Usually angels keep it hidden, to protect it. To expose it to someone else is a sign of extreme trust. Similar to how certain pack animals will expose their throats to their leaders. It’s also an act of…submission.” He swallows so loudly I can hear it. “It’s not what you think,” I say quickly. “For angels, it’s just…”

“No, I know,” he interrupts, flushing again. “After the psychic thing I’ve been…researching. I know it’s just an instinctual thing. I just…didn’t know it would be so obvious so soon. I guess I didn’t count on growing wings that broadcast my deepest secrets.”

I grin, firmly pressing my hands against the soft feathers, enjoying his low moan. I stroke my fingers through them gently for a few minutes while he sighs, building his soul’s trust. When I pull away, my wings pulling back, his head snaps up, alarmed, but I smile reassuringly, raising my wings high and stretching them out. He blushes as his wings curl down submissively, exposing every delicate feather. “It’s certainly nothing to be ashamed of, Dean,” I murmur, carding my fingers through them lightly until he relaxes. Cautiously, he reaches for the same spot on my wings, hesitating just before he makes contact to look at me questioningly. I smile, nodding encouragingly, sighing softly when he strokes them gently. “I trust you too.” I wrap my wings around him again, his feathers fluttering happily as they fold underneath, and I’m pleased to notice that his trembling has stopped.

“So, my soul, huh?” he asks softly. “That can’t be right.”

I frown. “Why not, Dean?”

He shrugs, looking away. “I’ve…done things, Cas. There’s a reason I ended up in hell. If those are my soul, they wouldn’t look like that.”

I sigh softly. “Dean, how many times have I told you how pure and beautiful your soul is? I was most surprised at the color, but that’s just how powerful your soul is.”

“What do you mean?” he asks curiously, looking up from his lap.

I smile, lightly stroking his wings with mine. “They’re the color usually reserved for archangels. I did not expect that. But if that doesn’t speak to the purity of your soul, I don’t know what does.”

He blushes again, his wings twitching under the praise. “If you say so,” he concedes. “Are they…permanent?” He seems both worried and pleased at the prospect.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” I admit. “It’s possible that they’ll disappear after the mating ritual. Or maybe they won’t. Maybe you’ll be able to control when they appear. I can try to find out if you’d like, though I can’t guarantee that anyone would know the answer.”

He sighs, nodding. “That’s okay. They’re not actually that bad. They just kind of surprised me.” I smile as his wings flutter, pleased at his acceptance. “Still, it’s so weird feeling them.”

“It will get better. You’re just not used to having more limbs yet.”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “but it’s like sensory overload. Too intense. It’s almost painful sometimes.”

I nod, drawing him closer. “Well, they are brand new. They’re going to be sensitive to touch for a while, the way human infants are sensitive to sound. They’ve never been touched before. It’ll take some time to integrate the sensations properly. We’ll just have to be gentle with them for a while.” Cautiously, I lightly run my hand over his outer feathers, which should be the least sensitive, feeling him shiver. “Is that bad?” He shakes his head, his eyes closing as I continue the gentle stroking motion. A soft purr rumbles out of his chest, and his wings spread, giving me better access. I smile, stroking the tips with my own, encouraging the display of trust. Dean stays mostly quiet, his breaths fast but soft against my chest, aside from the occasional sounds of pleasure that escape him. I work my way carefully through every feather, lightening my strokes on the more sensitive areas to keep from overwhelming him with the sensation. If he’s willing to trust me so openly with this, the last thing I want to do is hurt him. And he does seem perfectly trusting, relaxed completely against me, making no attempts to hide his pleasure. I press a soft kiss into his hair as I move to the other side. “How’s that?” I ask softly.

“Don’t stop,” he whispers, almost pleading. “It’s starting to feel better.”

I smile, using my free hand to stroke lightly through his hair in rhythm with the hand in his feathers. He lets out a soft moan, and I can’t help but chuckle at the idea that his wings are trying to make up for causing him so much pain and fear earlier; trying to show him that they’re on his side. I probe lightly around the link, searching carefully for any pain or hesitation, but don’t find any. “How are they feeling now?” I ask.

“Not so bad, actually,” he murmurs. “Does that mean they’re…integrating, or whatever?”

I nod. “Slowly, yes. I’m being very gentle to allow them to assimilate the sensation a little at a time without overwhelming you with it. I don’t want to hurt you.”

I feel a little bit of awe and gratitude leak through the link. “Thank you, Cas,” he murmurs. “Really. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

I smile, kissing his forehead softly. “Well you don’t have to know. I’m right here. Just let me take care of you for a while.” He nods in agreement, pressing closer. Gradually, I increase the pressure of my fingers. It’s still exceedingly light, a very subtle difference that he would never have noticed were I touching him anywhere else. Still, his wings tense for a moment at the change before relaxing again, trusting. I watch them intently, surprised and pleased at how easily his soul bowed, how completely it trusts me. It took years to build up some semblance of trust with Dean himself, but it seems his soul is more than willing to take that chance, like it’s encouraging him. And if that is the case, it seems to be working, considering how relaxed Dean is. An idea occurs to me, and before I know it my free hand is resting at the back of his head, lightly coaxing it back. Of all the things Dean hates, letting people near his throat is one of the biggest. He tolerates it during sex, more out of duty than pleasure, but always flinches away from it outside of the bedroom. He thinks I don’t notice the tension in him when I try, but I’ve long been aware that it’s a trust issue, though he refuses to discuss it at all. Perhaps now, when he’s still so relaxed and pliant, would be the best time to help him let go of that. I expect some form of resistance, but surprisingly, Dean’s head falls back into my palm quite willingly. I slowly move it back until his chin tips up, exposing the tender skin of his throat. I plant a soft kiss there, hearing him gasp softly, but he doesn’t pull away as I expected. I do it again, grinning at the low purr that vibrates through his chest. It seems his soul’s trust is rubbing off on the rest of him, and he doesn’t even flinch as I repeat it a few more times. “I love you, Dean,” I whisper. “I would never hurt you.”

Silently, he looks up at me, a small smile playing at his lips. Instead of answering, he closes his eyes, and I feel a strong wave of emotions. There’s love, but underneath is an absolute trust and a deep sense of security.

I smile, kissing him softly and sending the feeling back as I hold him against me. I continue the gentle conditioning of his wings even when he falls asleep, exhausted by the morning’s excitement.

When he wakes up a few hours later, he instinctively shakes out his feathers. “Cas?” he murmurs sleepily. He realizes mid-stretch that he has wings and glances back at them. “Guess that wasn’t a dream then.”

“No, it wasn’t,” I answer. “Are you going to panic again?”

He chuckles softly. “No, actually I think I’m okay for now.” He hums softly as I run my fingers through the ends of his feathers. “You been doing that the whole time?” he asks, voice rough with sleep.

“Yes. The more they are touched the easier it will be to handle it. I didn’t want you in pain, and it didn’t seem to disturb you. They’ll still be a little tender, but they shouldn’t be nearly as bad.”

He smiles, his wings lifting slightly to meet my fingers. “Thank you, Cas,” he says softly. “Really. For everything. I don’t know how you did it, but you really helped. I haven’t felt that safe in…a really long time.”

“I’m glad to hear that. That’s exactly what I was trying to do. It wasn’t that hard, once I figured out what was going on. I knew you were too scared to listen to me on the outside, so I had to find a deeper way to communicate with you. It was actually nice for me too. I got to see how your soul really felt about this.”

Dean grins. “I’d say it’s on board, wouldn’t you?” he reaches up, lightly rubbing at his throat.

“Oh. Yes. There was that. I suppose I might have gotten carried away. I hope you’re not upset. It’s just, you were so open, and I wanted to see if you’d…”

He shushes me softly. “Cas, I’m not mad. I knew what you were doing. I never knew you noticed that. It…wasn’t easy, but I realized that…my soul already trusted you completely. Enough to…submit to you, or whatever. So it was about time I got my brain on track.”

I smile, kissing him softly. “So that was a conscious effort, then?” He nods, smiling when I gently tip his chin back, taking a shaky breath as I lightly press my lips to the soft skin.

“See?” he murmurs. “I’m working on it. I should have realized before how much I really do trust you. I know you’d never hurt me.”

“As long as you realize it now,” I answer. “Does it…bother you? The submission thing?”

“Not as much as I thought it would, actually,” he chuckles. “When I read about it, I was mad. I guess I kind of knew it would happen. But now that I’ve felt it…with someone else, maybe it might bother me. But it just…makes sense with you. It’ll take some getting used to, but…it was kind of automatic, you know? Like I wanted to do it before I even knew what it was. You can’t really argue with instinct like that. Besides, it felt good. Like…I was totally safe when you had your wings around me.” He laughs softly, covering his face. “God, I sound like a girl.”

“No you don’t,” I assure him. “It’s a profound experience. I understand what you mean, and I’m glad you feel that way with me. And I’m also pleased that you’re telling me this, even though I know it makes you uncomfortable to discuss your feelings.”

His wings flap lightly at the praise, and he glares back at them. “Easy, you two. Keep it together.”

I laugh as they fold back obediently. “Look, you’re already getting the hang of it.”

He chuckles. “Maybe. But really, it’s not so bad. As long as you don’t start bossing me around.”

“You’ve never listened to me before, I see no reason you should start now,” I smile.

Dean laughs. “Good.” He sighs, covering his face. “I gotta get it together before Sammy sees me. I’ll never live this down.” He glances up. “Could you do me a favor and not tell him I had nervous breakdown this morning?”

“Of course, Dean,” I assure him. “It can be our secret. As long as you promise me something.”

He raises an eyebrow, puzzled. “What?”

I smile. “I like knowing how you’re really feeling.”

He sighs. “Alright, fine, I’ll try. But no promises.” He glances up. “Hey, do you think you can teach me how to make them invisible or whatever?”

“I’m not sure it’s something I can teach,” I answer. “It’s just a part of control that comes with time. You can try. Maybe it’ll work.”

Closing his eyes, he concentrates hard until his wings flicker out of this plane of existence. The second he opens his eyes, they return. “Dammit. Well, I guess there’s no hiding this from Sam, then.”

I nod. “If it’s any comfort, Sam won’t understand their movements like I do. He won’t know what you’re feeling.”

He thinks about it, then nods. “Okay. Let’s get this over with then.”

He grabs my hand, pulling me into the living room, where Sam is engrossed in a book, sitting down on the edge of the couch. “Morning Dean,” Sam mutters. “You okay? I thought I heard…” He glances up, freezing with his page half-turned.

“Um. Morning, Sam,” Dean says, his wings twitching anxiously.

Sam stares at him for a minute. “You…have wings,” he says finally.

Dean rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I noticed that.”

“Is he alright?” Sam asks, looking at me.

I nod. “Yes. He is perfectly healthy.”

“Okay then. Just…take care of him, alright?”

I watch Dean’s wings relax, lightly brushing the edges with my hand. “I will. I promise.”

“…Really?” Dean asks. “That’s it?”

Sam chuckles. “What do you want me to say, Dean? You’re dating an angel. We met God. The weird stuff doesn’t really faze me anymore. So you grew some wings. As long as Cas says you’re okay, that’s good enough for me. I’m sure he can take care of you.”

Dean’s wings brush lightly against mine at that comment. “Well…I mean, yeah, but you aren’t going to ask questions? You love asking questions. It’s like your hobby.”

“Dean,” Sam says slowly, “if I asked questions, would you honestly answer them?” Dean shrugs. “I’m sure I can guess. Your new appendages are a result of your relationship status?”

“How did you know that?” Dean asks cautiously.

Sam laughs. “It’s not that hard to figure out. Honestly Dean, I’m not freaking out.” He pauses, looking at the wings curiously. “They are interesting, though…”

Dean chuckles, relaxing. “There’s the Sammy I know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still more to come, but I'm calling it a night. I'll try to transfer the rest of the chapters up tomorrow. Please remember to review if you enjoy reading! It makes me happy!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


	12. Patience

I’m sitting with Hadriel, going over the finer points of today’s lesson when I hear it. Dean shouts my name. There’s nothing else to determine what the situation is, but he’s frightened, and that’s good enough for me. “I’m sorry, Hadriel. We’ll have to pick up later. Dean is in trouble.”

The boy nods, jumping up. “Can I come?” he asks. “I could help.”

I consider it for a moment, deciding that having an extra angel could be helpful. “Yes, you can come. Let’s go.” I grab his arm, teleporting to Dean, who I find in the woods behind the bunker. It takes me a minute to figure out the situation.

Dean is sprawled on the ground, his feathers quivering. Above him stands Zadkiel, a nasty smirk on his face. He lifts his wings higher, chuckling as Dean’s cower. “You are an obedient one, aren’t you?”

Anger flares up in my chest as I feel Dean’s embarrassment, and I step between them. “Stand down, Zadkiel,” I growl. “Dean is mine. You are well aware of that.”

The other angel grins. “Ah, Castiel. It’s not my fault for doing what you’re too frightened to do. You continue to deny yourself the full bond with this human. Can you blame me, or anyone else, for doing what you will not?”

I feel a flicker of surprise in Dean, followed by the thick shame he carries with him. “Dean is not yours to mate. And it is not fear. It is patience. Dean is not prepared for this yet. I will not force him into it prematurely, nor will you or anyone else. I will not allow it.”

“What does it matter if he’s ready or not? He’s human. You know as well as I do that we don’t need his consent. He will submit to it all the same.”

I feel my wings rise angrily, pleased when Zadkiel’s lower. “Hadriel, take Dean home while I deal with this,” I order. “Stay with him.” The boy nods, gently touching Dean’s shoulder and disappearing with him.

When I return to the bunker, I can feel how upset Dean is. I cautiously walk into his room, finding him on the floor beside his bed. The young angel is trying to comfort him, but it doesn’t appear to be working. They both look up when I enter. “Cas?” Dean murmurs.

“Thank you, Hadriel,” I say, sitting down beside him. “You may go.” He nods, glancing worriedly back at Dean again before disappearing. I gently tug him closer, wrapping my wings around him. “I’m so sorry, Dean. I thought he would be smarter than thinking he could usurp me.”

He swallows, nodding. “So…he wanted to mate with me instead of you?”

“It seems that way. It is a great crime among angels. He will be severely punished for it, I assure you.”

He presses closer. “Would it have…worked?”

“I don’t believe so. I think your soul would have rejected it. But that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have tried.”

“And…you don’t need permission to mate with someone?”

I watch his expression for a moment, recognizing his fear. “Technically speaking, no. It’s not something that is an issue very often between angels. An ordinary human soul might not be able to reject it, but I believe your soul is strong enough to resist an unwanted attempt. Not that it should have to.” I sigh. “For some angels, intent is enough. Not for me.” I slip my fingers under his chin, gently lifting it until he looks at me. “I would never, ever do that to you, Dean. To hurt you like that is…unthinkable. I love you too much. Please don’t be afraid of me.”

He nods slowly, and I feel him relax a little. “It’s okay, Cas. I’m not afraid of you. I know you wouldn’t.”

I sigh, relieved. “I am sorry that Zadkiel was so disrespectful. It will not happen again. I promise.”

“It’s not your fault,” he murmurs. “It just…kind of freaked me out. It was like I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t want him to, but my wings did that thing anyway.”

I nod, kissing him softly. “Your new instincts are strong. But no one will ever use them against you again. I made sure of it.”

He looks at me curiously. “What did you do?”

I chuckle. “I gave them a warning they won’t forget. It will not happen again. Did he hurt you?” He shrugs, wincing, and I frown. “Dean, where does it hurt?” He sighs, spreading his wings, and I see bits of leaves and twigs stuck in among the feathers. “Dean! Why didn’t you let Hadriel remove these?”

“Well I like the kid, but…I’d rather you did it.”

I smile, pulling him closer. “Alright. I’ll try to be gentle.” He nods gratefully, resting his head against my shoulder as I carefully comb through the feathers, clearing the debris and apologizing when he hisses in pain. “Okay, last one,” I murmur, gently pulling a twig fragment out. He flinches, but sighs in relief when I run my fingers through the now clean feathers. “Better?”

He nods. “Much better.” He pauses, watching me for a moment. “Are you really…denying yourself, like he said?” he asks cautiously.

I shake my head. “It’s not what you’re thinking. I’ve wanted to be with you like this for a long time. But I don’t want it against your will. That is a terrible way to have a relationship. I love you, Dean. I have no problem waiting.”

Seemingly reassured, he nods, leaning up to kiss me softly. “I love you too, Cas.” I watch as his wings fold back and disappear, a skill he’s been mastering. “Come on. I’m hungry.” I chuckle at how quickly he returned to the Dean I know, pulling him up from the floor and following him out to the kitchen. He stops so short in the living room that I almost crash into him. Following his gaze, I see why. Sam is sitting on the couch with Gabriel, involved in a low conversation. They both look up when we enter.

“Dean,” Gabriel greets. “Are you alright?”

Dean glances back at me, puzzled. Sam frowns. “Why, what happened?”

“Nothing,” Dean says quickly, giving Gabriel a look that dares him to say anything. “I’m fine. What are you doing here, Gabriel?” he looks back at me. “Don’t we still have wards up?”

“The wards prevent anything with malicious intent from entering,” Gabriel answers. “I only dropped in to check on my two favorite hunters.”

He glances at Sam, who frowns. “Right. I’m gonna go to the bathroom. Don’t kill each other while I’m gone.” He pauses in the hallway. “And don’t pop in on me again!”

Gabriel chuckles, watching him disappear before turning to Dean again. “Really. Are you okay?”

“Are you sure that’s Gabriel?” Dean murmurs to me.

The archangel rolls his eyes. “I’m serious, Dean. I may not be your biggest fan, but Cas sure seems to like you, and everyone upstairs knows what Zadkiel did.”

“I’m fine,” Dean says. “I don’t know why you’d care, but I’m fine.”

“You make me sound heartless!” Gabriel protests. “I was concerned.”

“I took care of it, Gabriel,” I interrupt. “No one else will bother him.”

Gabriel chuckles. “I sincerely hope so, since I took care of it too. No offense, little brother, but I’m still a little scarier than you.”

“Why would you do that?” Dean asks. “You don’t even like me!”

Gabe sighs. “Alright, look. It doesn’t seem like I’m going to be getting rid of you anytime soon, and you’re very important to people I care about. You make Cas happy, and I’m not going to let some asshole destroy that.”

Dean watches him for a minute, then sighs. “Fine. Just…don’t tell Sam about this.”

“Yeah, that’s probably best,” Gabriel agrees. “Having him freak out isn’t going to help.” He looks worriedly down the hall. “I should go check on him. I might have overdone it a little.”

He disappears, and Dean shakes his head, continuing on to the kitchen. Once he finds food, he sits down and looks over at me. “What’s going on with them?”

I chuckle, pulling him closer. “You know the expression “God knows”?” He nods. “I’m not sure even He really knows.”

Dean laughs at the shout we hear from the bathroom, leaning into my shoulder. “You might be right.” I catch Zadkiel’s scent on him, frowning as my instincts kick in. I want to have him right now, but I try to restrain myself. Instead, I wrap an arm around his shoulders, lightly tracing patterns into his skin. He looks over at me and chuckles. “Something wrong? You look like you’re sucking on a lemon.”

I smile, kissing his cheek. “It’s just…you smell like him. It’s wrong. It’s an angel thing,” I add in response to his puzzled look.

“And you call us beasts?” he teases. “Well I guess we’re going to have to fix that, won’t we?”

“I intend to. But eat first,” I murmur. “I can’t have you starving.”

He grins, taking as long as possible with his next bite, and I groan, kissing along the side of his neck. “Dean…”

“You are not very good at being patient,” he laughs.

I chuckle softly. “I’m trying very hard not to scar your brother for life and claim you right here on this table, and you’re just teasing me.”

“What happened to Castiel, master of patience?” he grins, sighing as I kiss behind his ear.

“Someone tried to steal his mate, who then teased him mercilessly until he broke down.”

Dean laughs, shoving his plate away and kissing me softly. “You’re a big loser, you know that?”

“You might have mentioned it before,” I murmur, slipping my hand to the back of his neck and pulling him in for another kiss. “Dean, if we don’t get to your bedroom soon I’m going to cease caring if Sam finds us here.”

He grins, pulling me up from my chair. “We’d better hurry then.” I manage to keep it together until we get to his room, and then before I know it I have him pinned to the door, kissing him hard. “Someone is not in the mood for sweet and gentle,” he laughs.

I pull back a little, biting my lip to keep from ripping his clothes off. “I’m sorry. I can slow down.”

“What for?” he asks, grinning. “I don’t have a problem with it.”

That’s all I need to hear before my fingers are in his hair, tugging his head to the side so that I can kiss and bite along his jaw and neck. He groans, his wings appearing as he loses control of them, spreading out against the wall and quivering with pleasure. “Cas…” he whines, “Please!”

I chuckle, removing his clothes and threading my fingers into his feathers, tugging gently and hearing his gasped profanities. I pull him away from the wall, backing him towards the bed until he sits down on the edge of it. Struggling for a moment, reminding myself that I have to slow down for Dean’s sake, I take a breath before kneeling between his knees, pressing soft kisses along his thighs. He sighs, falling back on the bed as I tease the sensitive skin, and I look up to find his cock already leaking against his abs. I grin, licking up the puddle that’s formed before taking his moment of unawareness to quickly swallow him. He shouts, his back arching into the sudden sensation, whimpering as I slowly pull off. “Problem, Dean?” I murmur teasingly. He gives another whimper in response, his hips rolling against the air trying to find friction. “Soon, love,” I chuckle, slipping my hands behind his knees and carefully pulling them up. He lets out a choked cry as I slip lower, my tongue probing gently as his fingers tangle in my hair, clenching tight.

“Christ, Cas!” he moans, his grip tightening.

“Now Dean, you know how I feel about blasphemy in the bedroom,” I chuckle.

He laughs roughly. “I know you love it,” he answers, yelping when I smack his ass. “Cas, please!” he moans again.

“Please what?” I ask innocently, laughing at his frustrated growl. “Oh, I understand now. You want me to touch you.”

He manages a breathless yes when I wrap my hand around him, stroking him quickly. His hips buck up into my hand until I use my free hand to hold them still, changing to long, slow strokes that have him whimpering and squirming in my grip. “That’s just cruel,” he whines, panting harshly.

“What, you want more?” I chuckle. He nods, mumbling to himself, his whole body twitching as I lightly rub the fingers of my free hand against his opening. Instead of tensing up this time, he relaxes as I gently slip one, then two fingers into him, feeling him shudder hard, moaning loudly and clenching tight around them. “How’s that?” I murmur, biting lightly at his thigh.

“So good,” he pants, moaning loudly when I wrap my lips around him again, moving in rhythm with my fingers. “Fuck, Cas…” He gasps sharply when I thread my free hand into his feathers, his back arching up off the bed. “CAS!”

I laugh softly, moving faster and enjoying the sight of him writhing beneath me. I feel him tense as he gets closer, and I smile to myself, manifesting my wings. “Hey Dean?” I murmur innocently. Slowly, his eyes crack open, widening when he sees me. Holding his gaze, I firmly press my wings down over his, watching his whole body convulse as his release rips through him. I plant soft kisses along his jaw and neck, gently removing my fingers while I wait the few minutes it takes for him to stop twitching. He laughs breathlessly, tugging me down towards him to kiss me.

“I should make you jealous more often,” he chuckles.

I smile, smoothing a hand down his spine soothingly as another tremor runs through him. “I’m not sure that’s wise,” I murmur teasingly. “I was holding back this time.” 

He grins back, moaning softly when I kiss him again. “So do I smell like you now?” he asks when he gets his breathing under control.

“Yes,” I chuckle. “It’s much better now.”

He smiles, his fingers combing lightly through my hair. “I’m glad. You know, I probably could have just taken a shower…”

“Would you have rather done that?”

“No!” he says quickly. “I like your methods better.” He looks down at my clothes, frowning. “What happened? Didn’t feel like participating today?”

I smiles, kissing him softly. “Believe me, I wanted to. But with my instincts already running so high, I didn’t feel it was safe for you.”

“What do you mean?” he asks cautiously.

I sigh, stroking his hair lightly. “I’ve promised you that we would not be mated until you were ready to be. My control is always somewhat fragile when I participate, and I was worried my instincts would get the better of me. I did not want to break that promise.”

His expression softens, his thumb stroking along my bottom lip lightly. “Cas, it’s okay, I…”

I shake my head. “No it’s not. I promised. I will not take advantage of you like that if I can help it.”

He watches me for a moment with an almost amused expression before leaning in to kiss me again. “So you’re just not going to…until I say yes? Isn’t that hard?”

“I did it from the dawn of time until a few months ago,” I chuckle. “I doubt it’ll be a problem.”

“Well yeah, but then you didn’t know what you were missing,” he points out. I shrug, and he stays quiet for a moment, thinking. “Hey Cas? Can I ask you a question?”

I frown. “You’re already asking me questions.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I mean…never mind. What happens to us…after?”

“I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Well…after we’re mated…I’m still human, right?”

I consider it. “As far as I’m aware.”

“Right. So even with you doing your protecting thing all the time, I’m still going to die, eventually. So…what happens to you when I do?”

“Then I will be with you in heaven.”

He nods slowly. “But…what if I don’t go to heaven? I mean, I’ve done things, and the last time…”

I frown. “Dean, you will go to heaven. The last time there were extraneous circumstances. But your soul is pure, and you’d be my mate. You will go to heaven.” I smile. “Even if I have to drag you there myself.”

He laughs softly at that, nodding. “Okay. What about Sammy?”

“I will continue to look after Sam until his death. He will join you.”

He frowns. “I thought he couldn’t, with the demon blood thing…”

“Sam was purified several times over,” I remind him gently. “His soul remains marked, but it does not make him unworthy of heaven. It will all be taken care of. I promise.”

He nods, relaxing a little. “Is there a usual way angels agree to this sort of thing?”

“I don’t think so,” I admit. “It’s just kind of understood that when you find your soul mate, you’re mated.” He nods thoughtfully. “Why are you asking about all this?”

He shrugs. “Just curious, I guess.” His fingers stroke along the back of my neck as he kisses me again. I sigh softly against his lips when he pulls away. “I love you, Cas,” he murmurs.

I smile. “I love you too, Dean. You have nothing to fear. I’m going to take care of everything.”


	13. Honeymoon

The prayer from Sam is clear as day: _Come here. It’s Dean. Hurry!_ I quickly search for Dean’s side of the link, but it’s eerily quiet, and something inside me lurches with panic. He wasn’t planning on going on a hunt today, and all week he’s seemed preoccupied, but I can’t even imagine what’s happened. I locate Sam quickly, landing in front of him. He’s wearing a dark suit, but not the ill-fitting one he wears on cases, and there’s a flower tucked into his pocket. When I look around, I see that we’re in a forest, but Dean is nowhere to be found. “Sam? What happened?”

“Dean needs you,” he says simply. “This way.”

I frown, but follow him, anxious to find out what’s wrong. He stops at the edge of the trees, nodding ahead. I look where he directs into a small clearing, finding Dean standing in the middle of it in a light grey suit. He doesn’t look hurt or distressed, but his wings twitch nervously. Sam nods again, and I cautiously walk forward until I’m standing in front of him. He smiles, reaching out for my hand and squeezing it. “Dean? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he assures me quickly. “I just needed to talk to you.” I glance back at his wings, and he chuckles. “It’s hard to keep control of them when I’m nervous.”

I stare at him for a moment, trying to understand. “Why are you nervous?” I ask finally. “What’s going on?” Out of the corner of my eye I see Gabriel touch down lightly beside Sam, and then Hadriel, all three of them dressed similarly, and all of them smiling.

“Cas, do you remember when I asked you how angels agree to be mated?” I nod, still frowning. “Well, I know you said they don’t really have a way, but the thing is…we do. And I figured I would show you…how humans say yes.”

Slowly, he sinks down to one knee. I watch him curiously as he pulls a box out of his pocket. “Cas, I…you know how hard it is for me to talk about feelings. But I also know that you want to be sure I’m ready before you do this, because you care about me. I know how much you’ve sacrificed and done to make me comfortable. So I figured this way, you’d know I’m sure.” He opens the box, and a sliver band gleams up at me. “I’ve been thinking about it a lot, and…Yes, Cas,” he murmurs. “I’m ready. I love you. I want this.” His wings fold back, in full agreement with this decision, and I watch as he slips the ring onto my finger.

He looks up nervously, waiting for my reaction, and I smile, gently pulling him up. “You’re sure?” He nods. “Okay. Then I have something for you too.” I reach into my pocket, pulling out a small box of my own and showing it to him. He reaches out, lightly running his finger over the small engraving of wings. “I’ve been…researching your traditions,” I murmur.

He laughs, putting the ring on. “I love it, Cas.” I grin, leaning in to kiss him softly, ignoring the cheers from the small audience.

“I’m glad. I hoped you would.”

He smiles, kissing me again. “So?” he says when he pulls back. “Are we doing this or not?”

“Right now? Here?” I chuckle. “I may not be the best at romance, but I’m better than that. We’ve waited this long. We can wait until we get somewhere more suitable.”

“More suitable?” he asks, raising his eyebrow.

I nod. “You’re not the only one who can plan. We’re going on vacation. Let’s go.”

I tug his hand in the direction of the bunker, but he stops. “Woah, wait a minute. Right now? We can’t just up and leave. I have to at least…pack or something.”

“Actually, you already packed,” Sam grins.

Dean frowns at him. “Were all three of you in on this the entire time?”

Sam laughs. “Go have fun. We’ll see you when you get back.”

Dean chuckles, shaking his head. “Well then, I guess we can go right now.” I nod, wrapping my arms around him and spreading my wings, pulling us both into the air. “Not going to poof?” he asks curiously.

“We could, but I remember how much you liked flying. Besides, we’re in no rush.”

He smiles, holding on tightly and watching the earth move underneath us, his wings spreading wide beneath mine, flapping occasionally in the wind. When we get close, I tell him to close his eyes, setting us down carefully in the sand. He falters at the soft footing, looking around with wide eyes at the beach and the large house. “Cas, this is…it’s beautiful. Where are we?”

“An uncharted island in the tropics,” I answer. He stares at me for a moment, and I flush. “I wanted us to have a place for ourselves.”

He grins, hugging me tightly. “It’s…awesome. Really. Can we go take a look around?” I nod, leading him into the house and showing him around. He grins at me. “It’s really a shame that we’re probably going to destroy this place before we’re done.”

“I have a feeling we will,” I chuckle. “Don’t worry, I’ll put it back together for us.”

“So what now?” he asks. “Do we…?”

I smile, pulling him down the hall and out the front door. “No. first, we go take a walk.” He raises an eyebrow at me, puzzled, and I grin. “What? You always say you like long walks on the beach.”

He laughs, following me down to the water’s edge. We walk quietly for a little while until he sinks down into the sand. “Hey Cas? You said you’ve wanted this for a long time, right? How long?”

I consider it carefully. “Well, I suppose my grace has known since I pulled you out of hell. Maybe even before that, depending on if you believe in destiny or not. But it wasn’t until I was human that I really understood what I felt and how much I need you. The worst event of my existence was exactly what I needed to make my life complete.”

He nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, I know what you mean. So, this place is totally deserted, right?”

I nod. “No one around for miles, or on any of the surrounding islands. Just us.”

He grins, leaning over to kiss me softly, carefully pulling off my coat. “Then I don’t suppose anyone would mind if we got a little more comfortable.”

I smile, pulling his shirt over his head as his fingers fumble with the buttons of mine, his lips teasing along my neck. As he straddles my waist. I sigh softly, leaning down to kiss his shoulder. “Dean…”

“I know, I know,” he chuckles. “You’re just a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?”

“Well one of us should be,” I grin, pulling him down against my chest. “Although you might be taking that title from me.” He blushes lightly, closing his eyes as my fingers trail along his spine. “I liked it.”

“Yeah?” he murmurs, kissing me softly.

“Just when I think I’ve figured you out, Dean Winchester, you always manage to surprise me.” I pause, watching him for a moment. “You’re really sure this is what you want?”

He rolls his eyes. “Cas, how many times do I have to tell you? I know what I’m doing. I’ve made my choice. Why do you keep asking?”

“It’s just…it’s a big choice,” I explain. “You can’t go back once it’s done. I don’t want you to regret your decision later. It would kill me to see you so unhappy.”

His expression softens along with his voice. “Cas…I’m not going to be unhappy. The only thing I regret is not telling you sooner. I want this. I’ve always wanted this. I didn’t want to admit it, but only because…I don’t understand how someone like you would ever want to be bound to someone like me forever.” I start to argue, but he kisses me again. “I know, for some strange reason, you do. So I’m ready.”

I smile, watching him for a minute before flipping us over so that he lies beneath me. “I’m glad to hear you say that.”

He sighs softly as I plant soft kisses along his neck, his fingers running lightly over my ribs, groaning when I grab his wrists and pin them over his head. “Cas…”

I laugh softly, kissing behind his ear. “We only get to do this once, Dean. I intend to enjoy it.”

“You act like I’m some blushing virgin or something,” he chuckles. “Like we’ve never done this before.” I grin at him for a minute, and his smile falters. “Wait…is there something you know that I don’t?”

I consider it for a moment. “I think you’re going to be pleasantly surprised.” I kiss him softly again, licking at his bottom lip and letting a little bit of grace pass through me. He gasps, pulling back a little to look at me.

“Have you been holding out on me? Sneaky bastard,” he laughs.

“Like I said,” I chuckle, “We should enjoy it.”

I continue teasing him on the beach, his skin warm with the sun, until neither of us can take it anymore. “Cas!” he whines. I smile, watching him for a moment before nodding and pulling him up from the sand and into the house. He sighs softly as my lips find his neck, slowly backing him towards the bed. “W-Wait,” he manages. “Is this what we’re supposed to be doing? Isn’t it…sacrilegious or something? Like doing it in a church?”

I chuckle softly, pulling back enough to look at him. “Dean, there is nothing more sacred than this,” I murmur, my fingers lightly ghosting over his ribs. “You are a perfect reflection of my father’s divine creation. The fact that you are willing to share yourself with me this way is nothing short of miraculous.” I can feel the dark resistance to my words building up in him, thick with fear and hurt. I kiss him hard to halt its progress. “Dean Winchester, you are perfect, and beautiful, and…worthy. And if I have to worship every inch of you every day for the rest of eternity to make you understand, then that’s exactly what I’ll do.”

Slowly, the heavy feeling dissipates, and he smiles, flushing. “I think I could deal with that,” he murmurs, pulling me down to the bed with him for a gentler kiss.

I spend a long time watching him fall apart, marveling in the beauty of it, watching his eyes flutter closed as I push in, joining with him. “You are incredible, Dean,” I murmur, lightly stroking my fingers through his feathers as he gasps. “I could not be happier to spend eternity with you.” He moans as my lips find the side of his neck again, squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t see me spread my wings above him, but he must feel it, and his own feathers beat erratically against the bed. “Look at me,” I command softly. He obeys immediately, his eyes wide, lit by the Grace in his soul for just a moment. “I love you,” I murmur as my wings come down over his. A feeling like lightning sparks through me, and I watch it reflect in his eyes, feeling him tense under and around me before everything becomes a blur of light and sound and feeling, my grace shifting and changing under my skin. I hear a voice cry out, but I can’t decide if it’s mine or Dean’s. It feels like eternity before I open my eyes again, the surface of my skin still humming with energy and the light scent of burning in the air. It takes a minute to focus, but I can feel him trembling, though his eyes are closed and he doesn’t seem to be breathing. For a moment I panic, thinking that perhaps I was wrong, that his body wasn’t strong enough to endure bonding, but my Grace surges up to reassure me. It’s different, still shifting and unsettled, but I can feel him there.

Lightly, I stroke his cheek, feeling him take a breath as his eyes flutter open, the spark of Grace in them stronger now. I watch him for a moment, worried, before he grins, pulling me down to kiss me softly. “Fuck Cas,” he manages, laughing breathlessly. “You didn’t tell me it was going to be like that.”

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I ask hesitantly.

He shakes his head hard. “No, I’m fine. Better than fine. God, I love you.” He closes his eyes again, his arms wrapped tight around me as he takes a breath. “So we’re mated now?” he asks finally.

“Yes. You’re mine, and I’m yours. Bonded forever.”

He grins lazily. “I was always yours.” He sighs happily, looking up at me. “I can feel you now.”

I nod. “I can feel you too. It will settle a bit, I think, but we’ll always be able to do that.”

He smiles, glancing around the room and giving a low whistle. “When I said we were gonna destroy this place, I didn’t mean it quite so literally.” I follow his gaze, chuckling at the destruction we’ve caused. Even the edges of the curtains are singed, little wisps of smoke still coming up from the furniture. I set everything right, and he chuckles. “That’s going to come in handy.” I shift, and he gasps softly. When I look at him questioningly, he smiles. “You’re still kind of…” he gestures, and I look down to where our hips are joined.

“Oh…sorry,” I murmur, starting to move back.

His leg hooks around mine, keeping me in place. “Don’t worry about it,” he grins sheepishly. He pulls me down hard against his chest, and we stay quiet for a while. I close my eyes, listening to the steady beating of his heart. After a while, I press a soft kiss over his heart, and he groans.

“Don’t worry,” I chuckle. “I have an idea I think you’ll like.”

I gently pull him up, smiling as he presses close, following me outside. His eyes light up at the hot tub set into the porch, and he grins. “Can we?”

“Of course,” I smile. “Why don’t you get in? I’ll go get us some drinks.” Dean frowns, but nods, and I gently lift his chin, kissing him softly. “I’ll be right back.” When I return, wine glasses in hand, I set them down carefully before climbing in. Dean shifts over, pressing up against my side, and I smile, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him into my chest. He frowns for a moment, taking a sip from his glass. “Something wrong?” I ask.

He shrugs. “Sorry if I’m a little…clingy.”

I smile, pulling him into my lap. “You know I don’t mind, Dean. It’s natural, especially with a newly-formed bond. I want to have you close too. It translates this way because my Grace is…dominant, in a way. Your soul wants to be under my protection.”

He nods, sighing softly. “It’s going to take a while to get used to that.”

“It just means that you don’t have to do everything alone anymore,” I remind him gently. “That’s all. And it will calm soon. For now, let’s enjoy our vacation.”

“We can stay here?” he asks, suddenly excited.

I chuckle. “Of course we can, Dean. Did you think I created this place just for a few hours?”

He grins, pressing his cheek against my chest. “I love you, Cas.”

“I love you too, Dean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're officially all caught up here! Woo! New chapter is in the works, so keep a look out for it! You guys are seriously the best!
> 
> Love,  
> TheSongSmith


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